posted by Sam Richards
One often never knows who is and who is not LGBT. Just one of those things we all have to live with–sometimes literally. Meet Jeffrey and Tony Perri, grandson and father. Both gay and happy and living outside of the closet.
I unintentionally made a humorous reference to parents being gay in class a few weeks ago and someone who saw the clip on YouTube sent me a story that he heard on the radio. If you don’t remember what I said, you can check it out:
The interview from the radio is touching, especially when you know some people like Jeffrey and Tony. It’s definitely worth listening to. Just click on “Listen to the Story” at the top of the page after you click on THIS LINK.
So it’s actually a very cool story, but in a way that is ironically bittersweet. Had Tony had people in his life who were open about discussing homosexuality, he’d have been out of the closet in his youth — and Jeffrey would not be here because Tony would never have gotten married. I guess denial can be a good thing. It’s all perspective.
But in truth, it’s just nice to imagine elders in our midst who are open to discussing anything that comes to mind and with which young people struggle. What a world we have when that occurs.
In the article The Surprises of Coming Out, I thought it was really touching how both the grandson and grandfather came out to teach other. Both were really nervous about coming out at one point of their lives but when they sat down, their relationship as a family and as two gay men. I think that coming out of the closet for a gay man is a very hard thing to do because of the stigma society puts anyone within the LGBT community. I have a few gay friends that came out to me my sophomore year in high school but were really scared because they had a fear of not being accepted by society. One of my friends considered suicide because his parents were not accepting to the “idea” of homosexuality since they are strong Christians and told my friend that homosexuality is wrong all his life. He did not attempt suicide because he went on and came out to his parents regardless. What he told me was that his parents could not fathom the fact that he is a homosexual but he is still their son nonetheless. I guess that people who are homophobic and cannot accept the fact of two men or two woman having sex with each other have a lot of personal issues that they have dealt with. What my friend told his parents when he came out to them was that it was a much stronger emotional feeling that he has had with other men and did not mention to them of him having sex with other men. Even in college I hear a lot of girls and guys say that they are not bi-curious and that they were drunk when they kissed or had an experience with someone of the same sex. My reaction to them is, its complete bull because they always had an attraction to someone of the same sex. The trend that I saw in the class, was how one student specifically put his religion and his belief that homosexuality was wrong because the gays were not naturally selected to produce offspring. I thought it was a very ignorant statement because even gay women and men do not have sex with each other; there are methods such as, InVitro and artificial insemination, to produce offspring. I knew that his comment brought up several statements that went against this student’s words. Sam went on to say that the majority of people who are against the idea of homosexuality are in fact, truly uncomfortable with their own sexuality.
Here are a few vids my friends e-mailed me on the subject:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzzae7vI62I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBT7R9kSNKw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1QYXHzgRw4
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I completely understand that coming out of the closet can be an extremely hard task and can take years to do. It is by far most likely one of the biggest obstacles that lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender men and females probably go through. I bet that living with someone you do not love the same way they love you can be extremely hard, and overtime take a toll on a person, which happened to a grandfather that talked about the situation a radio show in Rochester, N.Y. Since this grandfather came out to his wife, it was most likely easier for his grandson to come out the closet as well. Today the grandfather and grandson appear to be living happily now that they have both fully come out, which is a wonderful thing. However as I have said numerous times before, it was probably something that took a very long time to do.
I truly applaud lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender people for coming out. I wish I could just tell all of them that it is ok to have the feelings they feel however, it’s not that easy when society continuously knocks them down over and over again. It also doesn’t help when people in your family or that you surround yourself with aren’t to supportive with situations like those, which can lead a person to coming out of the closet much later in life at a time when they feel comfortable. So in many ways it can be a blessing but it is also a hard and painful experience.
It’s sad to see that people are so homophobic today. As well as to hear terms being thrown around such as “fag” or “homo” as well as so many other disrespectful names. It’s to the point where today we shouldn’t just be yelling things out like that because for all we know the man or women standing right next to us could be homosexual. So imp pretty sure that it would be offensive and definitely hard to hear. It’s as if we as a society have lost all respect for lesbians, gays, bi, and transgender people. It’s as if we managed to forget that they are human beings with feelings as well. Instead of knocking these people down, we should attempt to be picking these people up. As I have said before in my other posts. We will not always agree with the things that other human beings do, however it is not for us to decide what they should or should not be doing. We also must learn to not be so judgmental and attempt to give things a shot instead of knocking every single thing down that comes our way that frightens us. Articles and things like these definitely show me that we as a society have more growing to do.
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The other day in class, Dr. Sam Richards began talking about this post. The discussion intrigued me check out this story. Earlier in the semester, I replied to a post about finding out your parents were gay, but this story was even more complex, so I knew that I had to respond.
One point that Dr. Sam Richards made was that if Tony had been open in discussing his homosexuality, he never would have gotten married- and therefore, Jeffrey would not be alive. This comment really made me think. On the one hand, how happy was the grandfather during his marriage and during his life since he had to be someone he was not? On the other hand, Jeffrey would not be here, which is a sad thought. This predicament really caused me to question denial. At the age of 17, the grandfather was warned by a priest not to share with others that he was gay. After 17 more years, he finally told his wife that he was not happy since he was gay. I thought it was very interesting and kind of depressing that she asked that he never tell the children. From this comment, it seemed that she was ashamed of him. One day, I hope society can be more accepting of all people. One happy part of this story was when the grandfather described that his proudest moment was telling his grandson that he was gay. I feel like when he was able to admit to his grandson his sexuality, he was finally living honestly, which he had struggled to do all of his life.
One thing that I found interesting and surprising was that the grandson did not tell his grandfather first that he was gay. The story noted that Jeffrey was nine when his grandfather told him. It is possible that Jeffrey realized his sexuality earlier than nine and this was why he did not tell his grandfather first. However, I doubt that he realized that he was gay at this age. I would think he would want to tell his grandfather first, since he would be the most understanding and would be able to give him the most support. It made me wonder who was the first person he told- was it a friend or a different family member? I wish the story had told us, since it only leads me to speculate.
Another interesting point that Dr. Sam Richards made was that it was nice to imagine elders who are open to discussing anything. Honestly, when I think of our older generations, I think of the stereotype that they are very closed minded. It made me wonder if there are many elders who are open to discussing the issues that young people struggle with. I think our world would be better if the older and younger generations could discuss these issues since it would make for a more accepting society.
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I think this story is very touching. I have never really thought about when adults come out. What if all of the sudden one day your mom or your dad just realized they were gay? What reaction would you have? Obviously you have lived thinking things are one way for so long that it would be difficult to accept. I feel that this would be the case with parents especially as well as grandparents because children grow up with this ideal family where they have a mother and a father and not two mothers or two fathers. These days, people do grow up with two mothers or two fathers and guess what? Everything could be perfectly fine. I find it awesome that people would have grandparents that they can completely open up to, even though this young boy didn’t tell his grandfather first he wasn’t judged in the same way other young men are judged by their grandparents who are so set in the societal beliefs where man and woman are married until death do they part. People in the world today are so set in their beliefs that they can’t accept anything out of the ordinary anything that makes them a little bit uncomfortable. What we don’t know scares us. It’s absolutely true. Thinking about what Sam said in class that if you ‘hate’ or are prejudice to gay or lesbian people maybe you should look at yourself in the mirror and see what you are afraid of. I agree with this point. Sometimes people are afraid of these things because it makes them think, maybe I could be this way or people who are part of their family could be this way. But what really is wrong with it? Sit down and honestly think about things and then you let me know what is really wrong with it. Someone suggested this in class that gay people struggle more than black people. This is not even comparable to me. The response to this from an African American man was that gays can basically hide that they are gay but black people cannot hide that they are black. If he could hide that he was black…would he? You can hide that you are gay maybe but you can’t stop being gay…why should you have to hide that? I guess I sort of understand what he is saying that if they wanted to they could pretend that they are not gay could give them an advantage in certain settings but regardless, everyone struggles. I don’t care if you are African American, White, and Asian, and Hispanic, gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual, old people or young people, EVERYONE STRUGGLES. Yeah it’s different what we go through and no you can’t understand what others go through unless you go through it yourself.
One interesting think that I think though after watching this video that it goes to show that love maybe isn’t what we perceive it to be. That this grandfather had a wife that he probably loved very much, but it’s a different kind of love when you have the choice to love whoever you want.
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Coming out of the closet is a very difficult thing to do. Some people are on the brink of suicide because they feel very uncomfortable of their sexuality. I am glad the grandpa came out to his grandson. There are many people who like to live a lie—they never come out of the closet. I think it’s better to come out of the closet than to live your life without ever coming out. Some people may say that it ruins the family. Well it does, but you have realize the point of view of the gay person. Lying to yourself is not good. The family should learn to support each other through all struggles no matter what the circumstances are. A lot of people I know have gone through this situation. The matters were resolved but many of the family members what through struggles, which is sad.
Growing up people learn that a man and woman marry and have kids. It is very shocking to learn that there is an exception to this rule for people that are related to you. Fathers and mothers that turn out gay should search out their sexuality so they can avoid these types of stressful confrontations. However, society isn’t accommodative for these situations. It is very difficult to come out of the closet because people begin to judge you including family members, friends, and coworkers.
Additionally, people’s religion comes into play. If a very religious person is gay, it is frowned upon . People will not accept you into their circle of trust. It is interesting to think about, however, that if the uncle came out earlier, tony would not have existed. As Sam said, the Earth needs population control, and this is a good way to do it, but still I think people should come out of the closet earlier.
I’m glad tony followed his grandfathers steps and came out of the closet immediately. If more people, follow their steps people would not be put in awkward, stressful situations. I don’t know why it is frowned upon to be gay. People that are gay aren’t harming you. Sure it may taking a little time getting used to people of the same sex making out or hugging or holding hands, but humans are built for adaptation. For those you Darwinians out there, we are a product of all sorts of evolution, which includes both societal, psychological, and physiological.
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This post goes along nicely with the conversation we had in class on Thursday. I listened to the interview on NPR and I do admit it was touching when Jeffrey said that his grandfather, Tony, is a role model for him. Like Sam pointed out in his blog, it is ironic since Jeffrey wouldn’t have been born if Tony “outed” himself earlier in life. I guess this is an example of how things end up working out for the best.
In Thursday’s class, someone voiced the opinion that it is harder to be gay then to be black in America. I’m not sure if I agree with that. Yes, we have a compulsory heterosexuality in America, which means that heterosexuality is the accepted form of sexual behavior. But then again, as we have learned in class and in life, there is also white privilege in America. Both are technically minorities – I think African Americans make up about 12 percent of the population, while homosexuals make up about 4 percent if I am correct. Due to both of those small numbers, there is bound to be opposition towards your group. I do disagree with what Sam said in class though about being gay being biological and not a choice. There is no scientific evidence to back this up right now. I don’t know if this is part of my conservative Christian upbringing but I do believe that being gay is a choice you personally make. I’m not saying it is wrong or that I wouldn’t accept a person just based on their sexual orientation. But I do think it’s an active choice. That being said, race is not a choice. You can’t choose to be white, black or anything in between. The discrimination that blacks face are mostly out of their control since they didn’t choose to be black – just as whites did not choose their own color. It’s the “luck of birth”. It is hard to compare the struggles gays and blacks face since only one is by choice. This doesn’t mean that I think it is okay to discriminate against gays since they “choose” it. We need to be accepting of everyone regardless of sexuality, ethnicity, etc. But like someone else pointed out in class, you can “hide” your sexuality if you need to, but you can’t hide your race. Unless you are flamboyant, there’s a good chance no one might know your gay if you don’t tell him or her – as illustrated in the NPR piece. If you are black, it is impossible to change that in your appearance.
The fact that Tony didn’t act on his homosexual desires and instead married and had a family might have worked out for him in the end. Now he is blessed with a great family and a grandson who has the utmost respect for him.
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It is, in fact, a touching story. I didn’t expect the grandfather to be talking so calmly about such an issue, after he had created life and made way for new generations. See the thing with that is that the grandfather had a grandson and everything, so he was not deprived of biological children as a gay person.
The fact that many people don’t know that their friends or even spouses may be gay and living in the closet, is a good reminder that it is not something we only see in movies or on freak TV shows, but a part of life, and a definite part of all our lives. I think that gay people should be accepted for who they are and be allowed to practice their habits as they please, and although that may be uncomfortable for many people, they were never asked to do so in a public manner. In fact, most people think that gay people just want to have sex with a gay person or straight person of the same gender at any cost. That is not true!
I have known that my cousin was gay from when we were kids. He is three years younger than I am and although I secretly knew, he never came out. He always hung out with girls, and although he did just because he liked to “shop” or whatever, he was not attracted to them. He had a girlfriend for a bit and hated it. He became her best friend and both are very happy with each other now. The problem for him is that his mother, being a strong Kuwaiti woman, is very strict when it comes to this. His parents got divorced a while ago, when he was only a child. He was surrounded by his mother, sisters, and all my aunts at the time. This magnified his femininity a bit, but he was that type; a metro-sexual person.
My mother came to me once and asked me if he was actually gay and I told her that he was just in touch with his feminine side, but my mother didn’t care, and I told her later what I thought. The surprise came when he came to me and told me that he wasn’t attracted to women, but rather guys. This wasn’t a shocker, and I advised him not to tell his mother, because she would disown him, but if he did need to talk to someone for it to be me or my mother, which he does and whom he shops with now!
He taught me a lot about sexuality of people and himself too, but I never judged him or made him feel uncomfortable, I just joked when I saw a better-looking dude walking by!
So, being gay shouldn’t be this closed down, it’s just like finding out what your baby’s gender was. I’m sure in the future you can test for sexual orientation by genetic evidence!
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It is sad how our society wails on the LGBT community with disparaging stereotypes and fails to look at the whole picture. Personally, I don’t approve of homo- or bisexuality, but I will not look at gay people as “aliens” who are treated differently from everyone else. No, homosexuality is not a disease or a disorder; it’s a way of life shaped by our behavioral and biological predispositions. I and anyone else who is straight cannot say that gay people can change their sexual orientation by a “cold turkey” method. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to come out of the closet and be straight-up serious with the world about being gay.
After listening to the testimony of Jeffrey and Toni Perri, I was really moved by how emotionally touching the story was. It’s a shame that Toni Perri didn’t tell his wife in the first place that he was gay, but fortunately he was able to pass off his experience to his grandson. Every living organism on this planet has to go through some sexual identity development in their lifetime. Dogs will hump other males, females, or a teddy bear lying on the couch, while bacteria will share its DNA with any other compatible cell regardless of sexual preference. As a young boy, I remember discovering my own sexual identity when I was growing up. It was fun playing “doctor” with the other girl classmates, while dressing up in girl’s clothes was also a fun experience. During these early childhood stages, it is essential that people experiment with their personality and interests and begin to discover who they really are. There are so many stereotypes related to things that are “gay” that we sometimes fail to realize it. Going to a ballet or dressing up in costumes are things that can be labeled as “gay”, which is basically another word for calling something “unmanly” or “stupid”. I know that I am straight, but I’m also comfortable joking around with my buddies, both gay and straight, and being up close with them in a non-homophobic way. It’s crazy to think that the word “gay” used to have a positive meaning.
There are so many people in my lifetime who wore this homophobic mask to cover up their fear of coming out gay. Most of them were straight, but they dreaded being labeled by false gay stereotypes. It’s wrong to use words like “queer” or “faggot”, and, whether we’re joking or we’re not, we shouldn’t be using them at all. Fortunately there are people in this world who can overlook this sexual prejudice and agree that both homosexuals and heterosexuals are human beings. People can go from straight to gay or from gay to straight; it’s all a journey of finding out who we really are.
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The story of Jeffrey and Tony, the grandson and grandfather who are both gay, goes very well with what we discussed in class on Thursday. I don’t even remember how we got on the topic of homosexuality but it seemed to take over the class. Students kept asking questions and sharing their views on LGBT issues. Michelle made an interesting point that the class seemed to react differently when we talked about sexual orientation instead of race. I thought that was a great point, and it was very true. Being homosexual or bisexual is such a touchy and uncomfortable subject in our society for some reason.
The discomfort that this topic brings is probably why many people, including Tony, find it so hard to come out of the closet. Our society makes homosexual people feel like they are weird or doing something wrong. No one can help how they feel or who they have feelings for. So many people in this country are hateful towards people who are doing nothing wrong. Homosexuals don’t get equal rights and they are treated as inferior beings. Like Sam said in class, it is even worse when black people and other minorities are homophobic. They should know more than anyone else how hurtful it is to be treated badly for something that you can’t help. Just like black people can’t change the color of their skin, gay people can’t change their sexual orientation. People like to say that it is a different struggle, but truthfully, it is all the same issue. You can’t pick and choose who to stand up for. If you are going to fight discrimination, you need to fight discrimination against everyone. When minorities hate gay people, it is ignorant and hypocritical and it really gets to me.
Back to the story of Tony and Jeffrey, I really loved it and I found it touching. I couldn’t help but wonder how Tony’s wife felt. Divorce is hard but it must be ten times worse when your husband reveals that he is gay. I also wonder how Jeffrey’s father took the news. I’m not sure how I would feel if my father told me he was gay. I would still love him but I would be confused, and maybe a little bit hurt. Things like this can break a family apart but I’m glad it worked out well in this case. Tony must have felt especially proud when he realized that he could be a role model for his grandson. Of course, not many people have openly gay grandparents, so Jeffrey is one of the lucky few. I really admire both Jeffrey and Tony’s openness and honesty and I’m glad that they had the courage to share their story with the public. It takes a very strong person to let their guard down and leave themselves open to hatred.
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Coming out of the closet can be an extremely difficult time and difficult decision for a person. In class we discussed some reasons why a person may hesitate to come out of the closet and decide to live openly gay. One of the more prevalent reasons seemed to be that coming out of the closest was a person’s decision. If they did not want anyone to know that they were gay, they simply did not have to tell anyone. Why would they not want anyone to know they were gay? Maybe because they would fear discrimination. Unlike people of color, people who are gay are able to hide who they really are. A person of color is not able to hide the color of their skin to avoid possible discrimination and racism. People who are gay most likely fear that they will be faced with discrimination similar to that experienced by people of color.
The story in this post is interesting because it can show some of the benefits of people not coming out of the closet. But it also shows how people can be hurt because people are afraid of openly expressing their gayness. The grandmother may now feel very confused because a man who she had children with has come out and said that he is gay. I wonder what the grandmother’s take on the situation is now. Is she glad that her ex-husband come out of the closet, or is she disappointed in herself or him? It is interesting that the grandfather’s grandson is also gay. I guess that is nice for the two of them because they always have someone who they are able to talk to about their gender.
I wonder how often stories like this one actually happen. Sam says that it is often common for a parent to come out of the closet later in life, which makes me think that it happens a lot more often that one might expect. I guess the whole thing comes back to why people wait so long to come out of the closet. Maybe people wait until they have a successful career before coming out because they want to make sure that they will still be able to live their life. I guess at a younger age, people are still trying to fit in and find their group of friends and a career. Once all of that is established, a person may be more willing to be more open and come out of the closet. This story is nice because it shows how a family is able to support each other in being gay, but it would be much nicer if people did not have to fear coming out of the closet.
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When I heard Sam say that there is a very large probability that there are in fact many closeted gay parents to the students in the classroom I was among those who laughed. I am straight and a strong advocate for gay marriage and completely support homosexuals in their strive for equal rights, however, the thought of one of my parents being homosexual was mind boggling to me (as it was to the majority of the class.) Although I have many openly gay friends, as well as know parents of my friends who are gay, it never crossed my mind that “straight” parents can be gay as well. I can only imagine how hard it is to remain a closeted homosexual, especially living a lie to your spouse and children. That is why I have utmost respect for Tony who, during times where homosexuality was not as accepted, eventually came out to his family. This made it easier on his grandson Jeffrey, who is also homosexual, to come out of the closet.
I believe social norms should never get in the way of someone’s sexual orientation. If someone is homosexual, getting married to someone of the opposite gender will not make you heterosexual, and visa versa. Even though your family may not be approving, or your friends may think differently of you, coming out will be one of the hardest, yet one of the easiest decisions of your life. My cousin is openly gay, and because my family is very accepting, it was very easy for him to come out to his family and friends.
Back onto the topic of gay parents. If my father or mother called me today and told me they were homosexual, I would be upset for the sole reason that the actual marriage of my parents was broken, but I would completely support them for their start of a new life, so to speak. It may be strange at first seeing them date the same sex, but after a while, just as it is strange for heterosexual parents to meet a new mate, everything will fall into place and the strange feelings will go away. Although Tony had a very tough time coming out to his spouse and an even harder time coming out to his children, he knew that he would never be completely happy because, in a way, he was living a lie. He always felt this pressure to keep this heterosexual lie to keep his family bond tight, but even after he was out, the bond was still there. I believe there needs to be more awareness on the issue of parents coming out of the closet because without information such as statistics, many people may think they are alone, and jus think it will be easier to keep this lie to themselves.
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This story about the homosexual grandfather and his grandson who also is homosexual was a very compelling story. To hear the grandfather talk briefly about his trials and difficult times in his life as he came out as a homosexual really made me think about how hard this can be. I haven’t really thought much about the life of a gay person and all the difficult situations they encounter. From coming out to suppressing yourself so people don’t make assumptions about you, I have not realized how many difficult situations may arise. Almost all these things I have taken for granted, as I haven’t experienced these or knew anyone close to me that did. I really don’t think much about what people think of me but I’m sure my rationale would be much different if I was homosexual. Just imagining everyday common situations that I don’t blink an eye at, and placing myself into a gay person’s shoes can me very life changing. Simply seeing how some people negatively treat and act around gay people is very disappointing to see. They look at gay people not as equals but I feel we are making much progress with accepting gay people. Just hearing this story made me think “was it harder to come out as a gay person when the grandfather was a child as opposed to today”. I would imagine it was much harder to come out in the past as people were more anti gay and didn’t treat people the same. I feel like today we are better than ever at accepting gay people and making it easier for them to come out and not be faced with such difficult an bad treatment. I felt it funny to hear how closely the audio clip and Sam’s not my parent’s video was. He stated that many gay people don’t come out until later in life and could very well be any of our parents. As this audio clip showed the grandfather was married, had kids, and a wife, and yet he was gay. This made me think how common this may be but we don’t even know it. Then I got thinking, how would the children of a parent who recently came out act and accept this fact of their life. I immediately said that I would love my parents just as much as I do now if they were gay. And if anyone wouldn’t love them as much as they did because of the fact that they were gay, should look at their view of gay people and think about how they treat people. I felt the audio clip was a great story to hear and really open our eyes to how wonderful life can be.
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Coming out of the closet is an extremely hard task to do. There are so many things to consider when deciding if one should or not. There is the issue of will your love ones still accept you. I’m sure everyone’s heard the story of someone’s parents or parent saying if you were gay I’d never speak to you again. That would be an indescribable thing. If you don’t have your family then what do you have? The support of ones family is very vital in my opinion. My family means so much to me. I don’t know what I’d do if they never spoke tome again simply because of my sexual orientation. Even if they still chose to talk to me I’d still be very hurt to know they don’t approve what makes me happy. Also many people fear losing their close friends. After being friends with someone for a while you learn there stance on things like their acceptance on gay relationships. Therefore, if you had a friend who openly disapproved or gay relationships then you would be apprehensive of telling them. It is hard lose the relationships of people who mean a lot to you. Also there’s the issue of discrimination within the public. Discrimination of the gay community is very high. Unfortunately, there are few laws against it. So when one is deciding to come out of there closet there are many factors that can deter one from doing so.
Therefore, hearing the story of Jeffrey Perri and Tony Perri was so touching and inspirational. It’s so amazing how Tony was finally able to come out of the closet after so many years. It must have been even tougher for him because he had started a family already and was married to his wife. He must have been extremely afraid that his wife would resent him because he started a relationship with her knowing he was a gay man. However, I guess it turned out good because if it wasn’t for their relationship then they would have never made such an amazing family. It’s so good that Jeffrey had his grandfather in his life. Now Jeffrey has someone he can go to who probably went through and is going to go through the same things as him. It’s so good to know Tony is a role model to Jeffrey. I think their story is such an inspiration.
I feel the comment Dr. Richards made in class definitely has some truth to it. There are certainly people out there who have a gay parent but don’t know it. I also like the fact that he said everyone has a gay friend. I think that is so true. Even if they’re not out of the closet everyone definitely has a friend who is gay.
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I was extremely touched by Jeffery and Tony Perri’s story. It is a shame that Jeffery took the advice of his priest and chose not to share his attraction to men with anyone else in his life. I cannot imagine living life everyday with such a constant, huge secret being held over my head. I feel bad that Jeffery did not have people in his life who he felt he could trust and who would accept him for who he was, gay or straight. If Jeffery would not have suppressed his homosexual attractions to other men, however, he would never have gotten married, had children, and subsequently had grandchildren. Tony would not be alive today. Although that would be a shame for Tony, I cannot help but feel bad for Jeffery’s ex-wife, Tony’s grandmother. She started a life with a man whom she loved, had children with this man, and spent years in a marriage that was doomed from the start. Tony’s grandmother had no way of knowing that the man she married was not fully attracted to her, and there was nothing she could do to change that fact. Although she is fortunate to have had children and grandchildren because of Jeffery, she must have been heart broken when she found out that the man that she loved for so many years could no longer be with her because of something that is completely out of her control. Jeffery was being unfair and untrue to Tony’s grandmother when he married her, knowing that he has an attraction to men, making him a homosexual. I do feel bad that Jeffery did not have people in his life who were open about discussing homosexuality, however, by hiding those feelings he interfered with the lives and feelings of others. On another note, I do understand that it must have been extremely difficult for Jeffery to tell his wife, children, and grandchildren that he is a homosexual. I am sure Jeffery knew that it would be hard for his family to grasp after having no idea that he was questioning his sexuality for many years. I am sure Jeffery was afraid that his wife and children would initially angry that the marriage had to end. I cannot imagine how upset I would be if my parents got divorced, regardless of the reason. However, it was very courageous of Jeffery to finally be able to be true to himself, and his family, by coming out of the closet even though he had a picturesque life with a wife and children. I give Jeffery a lot of credit. I think it’s great that Tony has Jeffery as a role model and was able to come out of the closet at an early age and know that he would be accepted by his family, gay or straight. Tony is extremely lucky that he was able to avoid the terrible situation that Jeffery went through all because he did not have people in his life who could discuss homosexuality.
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I remember talking about the subject of whether or not parents were gay in class and thinking that it was weird that not more students had gay parents, or were willing to admit that their parents were gay. Even though I do not constantly see families that are non-traditional in the fact that the parents are two men or two women, or married couples divorced because one realized they are gay, I assumed that it was more common. I do not believe even one person raised their hand at that question. If students were lying about whether or not their parents were gay, I find it surprising. I feel like if it was a gay couple that raised the student then they should be open to admitting it because there was never a point in their life where it was any different. For students who have had parents recently admit that they were gay, I can understand not wanting to admit that because it is probably embarrassing or strange and they feel protective of something so hard to struggle through. It is nice to hear that story and see that situation working out for not only the grandfather, but two generations later also the grandson. I did not even think about how if the grandfather had not decided to keep hidden the fact that he felt that he was gay, the grandson would not be here. That is another point for fate and placing the priest in the grandfather’s life. I wonder if there were any other reasons that the grandfather never brought up being gay. I feel like if you have those feelings, the idea of marriage would be weird, even if you loved the woman. I wish what the kids had said was also brought up. I feel like that must be one of the hardest things to have to go through. A divorce is already a struggle, but to throw on something completely new like one parent being gay is also hard. It is a scary thought to think that could happen. That has to be so hurtful and embarrassing to not know something like that, especially since Tony says that he had feelings of being gay since he was 17. Even though all of this seems to be a bad situation, because most of it is, it is amazing that Tony had so much courage to tell his family what was going on and not live a lie because it was easier. The fact that he did so also allowed him to be able to help his grandson when he decided to come out to him. I think it is strange the grandson did not find it as easy to come out to his grandfather as Tony seemed to find it to come out to him. Overall this is a touching story that brings a cool perspective to a somewhat upsetting subject.
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I know Sam has been making jokes about people who feel uncomfortable with homosexuality are just insecure in their sexuality, etc. I have to say, though, I couldn’t disagree with this more. I have never been insecure about anything in my life, but this story sort of makes me cringe on so many levels. I will never know how hard it feels to be gay, and in the closest, just as I will never know how an African American experiences racism. However, I think that this grandfather coming out of the closest is extremely irresponsible and selfish.
I know it must be hard to live a lie so to speak. The grandfather must have felt terrible when he was still in the closest about his sexuality; there is no doubting it is extremely taxing. But, he did not think about the effects of his actions on his family. If he truly loved his wife and his family, he would’ve keep his homosexuality a secret as he had previously. I may sound insensitive, but look at all the damage his coming out must have caused. He completely rejects a woman he has sworn his life to. Imagine how she felt; she apparently had also been living a lie her entire life. Not only does it affect his wife though, but the divorce affects every single person in their family. It affects relationships with siblings, relationships with children, it affects the children themselves. He had kept it a secret for some sixty plus years probably. Why did he feel such a need to profess it now? He also had an enormous effect on someone else that revered him as a person.
This grandfather not only ruined his immediate family, but he showed his grandson that it is okay to be gay. I am not trying to say that being gay is wrong, or that gay people are worse people because of it. But, being gay is unquestionably a biological flaw. Just as humans who have a life threatening disease have a flaw… I am not trying to degrade anyone but one can objectively see that their situation is not normal. Whether you are Catholic, Atheist, Jewish, Muslim, etc…you cannot argue that homosexuality is normal. I know it is such an overused argument, but homosexuality does not allow for procreation, which is the ultimate goal of sex. Sex exists for reproduction, and if reproduction cannot occur through sex, as it cannot in the sexual act between two males or two females, then it is obviously a biological flaw. Who knows how his grandson became gay. He could’ve been born gay; there is no evidence proving or disproving that homosexuality is genetic or not. But, assume the young boy wasn’t gay. Seeing his openly gay grandfather could’ve caused him to explore homosexuality and choose that over a heterosexual lifestyle.
I know that people reading this will most likely see me as extremely insensitive, biased, and maybe even chauvinistic. However, looking at this story from what I feel is a neutral standpoint (I have two close relatives who are gay, so I know to a degree how to see the issue from both sides) I believe that homosexuality should not be so openly supported as it is in society, and as is seen in this story. Like I said, homosexuals are not bad people. There is something wrong with them; they are some sort of biologically flawed. I think we as a country and as a people should work more with trying to help them cope with and/or correct the ‘flaw’ (if this is even possible) rather than to support the gay lifestyle. I know this is and will continue to be a very controversial subject, but that’s just my two cents.
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It wasn’t until Thursday’s class that I really started thinking about LGBT issues. I mean, I knew they struggled with identity, I knew they struggled for personal rights, and I knew they felt discriminated against. However, I never really dove into the idea of a struggle that can be concealed, the pros and cons of not having to let people know about your lifestyle. In Thursday’s class, the issues of the gay community were put right beside the issues of the black community. It seemed almost like a competition of whose life was harder. While I’m sure this wasn’t the point of the exercise, I was intrigued by the fact that people would say that gays have it harder than blacks. Some valid points were made, on one hand; a gay person can conceal their homosexuality and thus avoid some of the discrimination that skin color draws. On the other hand, being gay is a crime against god in many religions, I would think it is safer to be black than gay in many parts of the world. A student volunteered the fact that it is a Somalian’s duty to point out homosexuals and publically stone them to death.
I find it hard to imagine what life would be like keeping a great secret. A secret that you felt would isolate you from friends and family, for instance, in the story of Jeffrey and Tony Perri. Tony Perri is a gay man that came out to his priest. His priest said to “Be careful who else you tell” which led Tony into a lot of issues. It seemed as though he was in denial of his own sexuality because he got married and had kids. Maybe he thought he could just ignore his feelings or maybe he just really wanted to be a father, but he never told anyone he was gay until he told his wife decades later. When Tony and his wife divorced, his wife asked him not to tell the kids, which is a rather surprising thing to hear. Did she feel that the kids wouldn’t accept him? Whatever the reason, Tony chose to ignore it and told the kids about his homosexuality as well as his grandson.
Tony’s openness with his grandson Jeffery creates a rather touching story considering Jeffery later discovers his own homosexuality. The NPR segment on the two of them shows that a good, supporting person can be key to coming out of the closet early in life. Jeffery no doubt felt more comfortable with himself knowing that he wasn’t so different, that there are people like himself. According to Sam, most people come out late in life, but I believe this is due to a poor support system.
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This story was very touching. As a straight female it’s sometimes hard to empathize with LGBTs, but I nevertheless always try. What I find interesting about this story is what often bothers me about religion. Tony sought out help from his Priest in the 1970’s about being gay. The advice he received was to be careful who he tells. As a result, Tony kept this a secret from everyone that he loved for 17 more years. I understand that in many religions being gay is thought of as a wrongful sin. But it seems so hypocritical when so many Priests and people in churches are gay themselves. There should be more understanding and love for all sexualities in religions. When Tony finally came out to his wife she asked him to please not let the children know. I’m sure that this was a very difficult reality for her to deal with; however, asking her husband of so many years to lie to their children whom he mutually loved is unfair. The fact that he is gay would change the way that the children felt about their dad, not their mom, so this should probably have been his decision to let them know from the beginning. I think it’s worse to walk around on eggshells for so many years. And I’m sure the news that their parents were splitting up was hard enough to deal with, the children at least deserve the truth as to why. At the same time, Tony and other individuals who are LGBT made the choice to get married and start a family. No matter what, the decisions they make should be in the best interest of the family. If that means coming out and in turn being a better father or mother to the children, then fine. But if this means needing to stay in the marriage and sort things out, I think that’s okay too. I am very close with my dad; we talk about anything and everything. One time I asked him what he would do if my older brother was gay. I am one hundred percent confident that my brother is straight, but it was just one of those hypothetical situations that I was curious how my dad would feel about. He said that it would be hard to handle but that it wouldn’t change the way he felt about my brother being his son, but that it would honestly be a little disappointing. I think this is a very common feeling among straight people. It’s not a feeling that stems from hate or superiority, it’s just not something that’s not easy to understand from the outside, and I think that’s okay. Luckily in the situation of Tony and Jeffrey, they were able to understand each other. Jeffrey is able to look at his grandfather as a role model, someone who gets him completely. And that’s a beautiful thing between generations of a family.
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In another class I have done a heavy amount of research on the LGBT community, and it is true that they are the most difficult community to reach due to the fact that they are unrecognizable in terms of appearance. Homosexuality has no racial barriers or social class barriers. Individuals from all walks of life are indeed gay. I happen to have two friends who have came out within the past three years, and my opinion of them has not changed. I know it is a personal choice, but I actually respect them more now because they are honest and I know that they are happier individuals now. It is always easier to live an honest life than one in which you are always concerned about hiding something from their loved ones and friends. After critically examining this blog entry and the LGBT community in general it is evident that coming out is especially difficult, but can also be the key to a happy life for this demographic.
In the video posted in the blog Sam made the claim that we all have some friends that are gay. I fit this group because both individuals I previously spoke about came out well after I met them in high school. I also know someone who is in fact a parent that came out as being gay after their last child went to college. I definitely connected with Sam’s statement because I know both examples personally. Also, Sam’s response to his statement was justified and seemingly proved by statistics. If 4% of the population fits under the category of LGBT and there was a pool of 1,400 biological parents in the class and often people come out late in life chances are at least one parent will eventually come out as gay. It would be extremely difficult to come out as a teen mainly because younger people are striving to be accepted by their friends and because there isn’t as much knowledge on the subject at a young age homosexuality isn’t really accepted. This is why this demographic often chooses not to come out until they have their life on the right track. This is exactly what Tony did from the NPR radio program. Tony was advised not to come out by a priest. The priest most likely thought he was giving him good advice because he would have most likely had to deal with some forms of discrimination and hardships that come along with being assimilated with this community. What the priest actually did was deny him seventeen years of truth. He stated that he finally didn’t lie to his grandson and it was his proudest moment he has ever had. This was a great story, but like Sam said if Tony had decided to be truthful when he knew he was gay, Jeffry would not have been born, funny how things work out sometimes.
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This story is absolutely heartbreaking. I can’t imagine being told by someone to keep my sexuality hidden- which is how many homosexuals are probably told on a daily basis. Something so personal and meaningful has to be hidden so that people can’t judge them poorly. The grandfather even mentions in the radio interview how much he loved his wife and loved having children, yet couldn’t go on living a lie. Again, many homosexuals feel this way as well. Just because a person is gay, does not mean they don’t want children or don’t want a family. They know that in society, its very hard for people from the outside to be accepting of that. How brave he was to tell him wife and family about his sexuality and how freeing that must have been for him. Also, his coming out of the closet allowed his grandson to have someone close to him to feel connected to. By Jeffrey being gay, it gave Tony someone to look up to. Jeffrey’s story gave Tony hope and inspiration and Tony now even says that his grandfather is his role model. But every issue has two sides. I feel so strongly sympathetic for Jeffery for society putting him in this situation but at the same time I have to feel equally as sorry for his wife. I can’t imagine being married for years and having children with a man and then later finding out he was gay. I would feel betrayed; lied to, depressed…the emotions go on and on. All that time with a relationship that was embedded with secrets.
Although I am very accepting of all sexualities I cannot imagine being told that either of my parents were gay. I have a gay uncle and a gay cousin and in both situations, I have always loved them just the same. I was brought up not to judge other people or be discriminatory of other races or sexualities. At the same time, I cant say that I’d be happy to find out either of my parents were gay. That situation would be extremely difficult and I’m sure it happens to children, teens and adults all the time. Can you imagine your father or mother sitting you down and telling you that they were gay? That the years of your family and happily married parents weren’t quite what you always thought? I think that could be very devastating to a person, no matter how accepting of other sexualities they are.
Either way, this story is heart breaking yet bittersweet. If this society was more accepting of people of all races, all ethnicities, all sexualities, situations where people get hurt would happen far less and life times of secrecy would not have to happen.
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I was a little caught off guard in class a while back at people’s reactions when Sam talked about gays coming out later in life. LGBT life doesn’t come as a shock to me anymore because I’ve been so exposed to it since I work in the theatre industry. Upon meeting someone, I almost immediately think, “gay or not gay?” So, it’s become a norm for me. But I think other people really aren’t exposed to it as much as I think. In reality, we are surrounded by gay people everywhere we go…and that’s okay.
Being a theatre student, I am exposed to gay life on a daily basis. I wasn’t originally used to this, though. When I was in high school there weren’t any people out of the closet. Even though I lived 2 miles form New Hope, a town that is notoriously known for it’s gay population, no one in my high school felt that it was acceptable to be out of the closet. I cannot blame them, either. When one kid did come out of the closet, he was harassed and humiliated for being gay by all the other kids in my high school. I felt that gay people were slightly weird, but only because I wasn’t exposed to them enough. When I was a junior in high school, my 25-year-old cousin came out to me. He talked to me all about the struggles of being gay. He had gone to strict catholic schools all year and he had immense catholic guilt. His father was a devout Catholic, and he feared telling him, but wanted my family to know. I felt terribly for him.
Then, when I got to Penn State and began working in the theatre with everyone I made a best friend who was gay. His family had no idea he was gay and I spent countless nights with him crying on my shoulder. He was ultimately depressed about his sexuality. He feared his family would disown them if they found out. And from what I observed, they probably would. Again, I felt terrible about the situation gay people are in, in today’s society.
On a happier note, I get my hair cut at a salon owned by two gay partners, one of whom was previously in a straight marriage. When he finally left his wife, after having a daughter, he came to terms with his homosexuality and embraced it. Now he lives happily with his partner, and his wife and daughter support him.
I worked at Williamstown Theatre Festival in Massachusetts this summer and I worked with a high-end designer, Alexander Dodge, who is gay. He was adopted at a young age. I was intrigued when I found out that his father was gay as well. It was just chance, that his gay father adopted him and he grew up to be a young gay, talented, famous man. I was even more interested when I learned that his father was openly gay back in the 60’s when it was not particularly in your good interest or even “dangerous” to be gay and out of the closet. But, two gay men raised Alexander and so he was almost always okay with the fact that he was a homosexual. I think in this case, and in the case of the story Sam posted, it’s a beautiful thing that people can grow up and not have to go through the process of accepting your sexuality.
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In my opinion, I give tremendous credit to Toni and Jeff for having the courage of coming out. In today’s society its not an easy obstacle to get through alone. We live in a country that looks at peoples personal differences too much.We live in a society where the media dominates everything. I just have to tip my hat to people that are comfortable enough to be able to come out of the closet and be happy in there own skin,No matter of sexual preference. The way I see it, if Jeffrey and Tony face discrimination, at least they are facing it together. The question that I think most about after reading this blog is why does LGBT community wait so late in life to come out? I have concluded several reasons. Mostly because they are afraid of what others will think, are in denial, or just want to live a “normal” lifestyle. I feel like if I was someone trying to come out of the closet the pressure and anxiety I would feel would force me to tell someone. (That is why I think most people eventually come out). It is shocking to me how much sexuality plays into our role in society. If you are gay or lesbian your life is unwillingly and drastically different because of other peoples opinions. In my eyes, this seems unfair. People should be able to love who they want regardless if they are born attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex.Everyone in life should have the right to make his or her own decisions. I really do not understand why anyone would care if someone chooses a homosexual lifestyle. This is their life, not yours. Gay people should be allowed to get married because what makes them any different than us. We are all Americans, and we are all entitled to freedom, freedom to marry who we want and be who we want. At that same time, freedom works in all directions. If someone wants to hate someone for no reason at all, that is their right. My only issue is when someone’s hate becomes violent. Hatred for gays is just like being racist to blacks or Asians or Jewish people. All of these racisms are people grouping together a whole group of people from one experience, and sometimes people judge and they haven’t even experienced any type of these people. My point im trying to get across is,gay,lesbian. It should matter it you own life don’t make fun or look down on and judge other just because you believe there wrong.There making their own decisions you should make your own and be a leader not a follower.Everyone should be looking down at other sexuality types but instead embracing the fact that they have strong enough will power to admit that they made a choice and are comfortable with it.
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This article is ironically touching. My first comment on the radio article is that many do not come out until later on in life which makes sense to a certain degree. We think of our grandparents and even parents to be out of the loop with the trends happening today. It is more open to the public about gay awareness than it used to be, however don’t forget that it still was still known just not announced openly. I first felt that it is easier for elder people to come out now because society is more acceptable if people are gay. Yes, some people have “hate crimes” against gays, but as a whole it would be easier to come out today as opposed to earlier when they were in their twenties when it was unheard of. Next, the grandfather also mentioned that he was worried about his grandson when he decided to come out to the public. It would have been something to worry about especially when from the radio it seemed that he came out when he was nine years old. To be open about it at that age, many kids are crucial if they don’t have the “in style shoes” and had the off brand, they would get made fun of. He being gay would spread like wildfire, and many students have the potential to perform abuse.
Then, it surprises me how open some families are compared to others. I know in my family sometimes you have to be careful of what you say, don’t reveal too much information, but don’t leave the important details out. Complicated! However, there was a point in my life where I thought there was a chance I could be gay, my mom immediately rejected the idea. She was so upset that I would try to change who I was. When in reality, as I have grown there is such thing, as having an interest in, as to something that you are attracted to sexually. However, the “perfect family” is hard to come by. It takes a lot of guts to come out in general. Which is why I think most people tend to do so when they transfer into college, it’s a great opportunity to start fresh and there is not many times in your life this happens. People are introduced to hundreds of new people who are very open minded and will accept you for who you are. The second step to coming out to the family is their reactions. It would take tremendous courage to come out to the family but, they will either accept or reject you. Families that are supportive tend to reach a new level of openness. However, for families who reject the idea, the person would feel alone, and possibly “kicked out” from the family. I feel that it is important for families to always have an open mind because if their child is gay/lesbian you should support them in whatever they do.
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Ironically bittersweet is right. This situation would not exist if we lived in a different world. It is mind blowing to think about. If that guy had come out, he wouldn’t have gotten married. He wouldn’t have had kids. They wouldn’t have had grandkids. Two whole generations of a family would not be in the world. Maybe the family line would have stopped. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to live with that secret for so long, and to build the family I built for so long. I honestly don’t think that I would have married. I can’t fake love. I am not saying he didn’t love his wife, but he didn’t love the way a married couple (I don’t care if it’s a homosexual or heterosexual couple) is supposed to love. I think there is a distinction between kinds of love I guess is what I mean. I wouldn’t want to marry someone I didn’t love that certain way. I love lots of girls, but they are good friends and family. I love lots of guys, but they are friends and family. There are a few people who have that extra something. It cannot be denied. I couldn’t go through with something like marriage if it wasn’t there. I feel bad for that guy but I am glad that his family still loves him all the same.
I think he was right, going off of what I just said, in saying that when he did finally come out, he did it because it wasn’t fair to himself or his wife. He made the right decision. I wonder what would have happened had he told his kids at the time of the split. He told his grandson at a young age, and his grandson called him his role model. Does that mean he chose to be gay because of his grandfather? The fact that he didn’t tell him at first may mean he didn’t. That also raises the question, is being gay a choice? I have no idea what the facts and figures and evidence is for yes or no. It doesn’t matter to me. Gay is gay, I don’t care if you are, doesn’t matter how you got there. So I have never been too curious as to what goes into each side of the choice/biological argument.
My parents, and all the adults in my mom’s side of the family, are the kind of people who you can talk to anything about. And as a result I am extremely close to that side. I am close with 2nd and 3rd cousins on that side. My dad’s side is different. They are great, I love them, but I am not close with them because they could be called stereotypical old south republicans (republicans of current type, not how the republicans used to be, which was how democrats are now…). I am not saying I am gay or anything, but I would argue with them about racism and gay rights and politics in general, just because they are so closed to new ideas. I can forgive them though, because they are family. What is the point of not forgiving them?
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I feel that discussing sexual orientation can be one of the most uncomfortable situations for many individuals, and there are a few reasons that would cause this. I believe that a major component of the anxiety and difficulty to be comfortable in a situation talking about sexuality is religion. Religion still plays a major part in many individuals’ lives. Most religions have a negative perspective on gay and lesbian pairings. I also believe that many people feel uncomfortable when talking with gay or lesbian people because of society’s stereotypical perspective on these people. It is generally looked down upon to be gay and because it’s not a typical attribute of life. Overall, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, and Transgender people have a tough time assimilating in society if they are open with their sexual orientation.
Further talking about Jeffrey and Tony Perri, it’s tough to say if I am content or slightly depressed about their story. I believe in the nature over nurture view point of being gay. I feel that people are born with the genetics that make them gay. Therefore, I don’t believe that being gay or lesbian should be looked down upon. They should be treated as equal, for they can’t do anything to change it. To put this in relation to the story, I believe that the grandfather being gay helped his grandson to step out of the closet and be comfortable with his sexual orientation. As society progresses and views become broader, the trend of more lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people coming out will be more common. I also am slightly depressed about this story. I feel society essentially pressures people to stay in the closet is a very negative attribute of society. For example, many people of the LGBT community come out in later years of their lives, as said by Professor Richards. This leads many marriages to be destroyed as people come out of the closet. How would you feel if you were married to someone for years and then they tell you that they are gay? How would that affect your life? Being in the closet when you’re married or dating someone else is living a lie and you will hurt the feelings of you loved ones.
Commenting on parents being gay, it’s tough for children like me to picture my parents being gay. It’s just something I never thought about. I firmly believe that my parents are straight, however as the statistics show, there is a slight probability that they could be. Overall, the LGBT community have many obstacles that they’ve had to overcome, and there are many more to come. If society progressively begins to realize that LGBT should be granted the same rights as every other human being, they will be more out of the closet and it will be easier to assimilate.
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This world would definitely be a better place if we weren’t intimidated by what our parents think. By this point, we have a descent idea of what our parents stand for and against and it’s hard to go against their views and disappoint them. Correction: Its hard to tell them that we have done something that would disappoint them.
These stubborn views of the prior generation aren’t limited to just homosexual relationships. Parents may not want to hear about issues of racial relationships or even doubting your own faith.
The former has been the only issue that I’ve found myself not being able to discuss with my own parents. They raised me as a cradled Catholic (Church every Sunday and Catholic school leads to the simple mindset of “God is good and evil is bad”). I wish I could go through life and have religion be that simple but eventually you begin to ask questions. I’m not proud that I have a hard time believing like I used to but I need sort through my questions and hopefully afterward I will come back. However, unlike every other problem I’ve dealt with, I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with my parents. Whenever I’m home it’s blind tradition that we go to church, so I fall in line. I do though prefer to go around my little sister to encourage her to keep going.
Why is it like this? What occurred in our parent’s time to make them so committed to their beliefs that we cannot blindly accept? I guess these issues were just never questioned in their time and not openly discussed. More than that, it seems apparent that if one does not question core beliefs by adulthood, they never will.
Though this is a frustrating feature in our mothers and fathers, it is what it is, and all we can do is learn from it. We must look at ourselves, continue the progress we’ve made in race and homosexual tolerance, and than figure out what our generation will be stubborn about. It could possibly be revolved around our stereotypes about Middle Easterners and Muslims. Maybe we should begin now to break down these core, and misguided thoughts on these, and other people so that it is not an ingrained flaw in our adulthood.
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The story of Jeffrey and Tony Perri was a touching one. It is good to see people who are able to speak freely about being gay. I am sure that they are much more comfortable now considering they are not living lies anymore. Although Jeffrey already told a person before his grandfather about being gay, the fact he knew his grandfather was gay guided him and made him not be afraid. Jeffrey had the advantage of having a gay relative to relate to and look for advice, but I feel bad for all the LGBT youth out there who feel lost because they do not have people to talk to about this situation, or are in denial and scared to accept it because they are worried of what society would think. I cannot even imagine what that is like.
Whenever thinking about LGBT youth, I think about my aunt. She is lesbian and lives on Castro Street in San Francisco, a very open, gay community. But she was not always open about this. I do not think she came out until she was in her late twenties or early thirties. My mom (her sister), and many friends were very accepting of this, however the older generation consists of traditional Italians who are set in their ways and not as welcoming to change. I can see why my aunt did not come out for a long time because she was fearful of how they would react. My grandma (her mother) did not want to hear any part of it at first. She had trouble accepting that her daughter was lesbian because in her day nobody ever talked about such things. Years have passed now and she seems accepting now. She has met my aunt’s partner and she really likes her. Although everything seems good on the surface, I always wonder what my grandma really thinks about the situation. I am sure there is still some underlying prejudice, but nonetheless it is her daughter and she loves her all the same.
The other day, in my discussion group, somebody brought up the topic of how gays will not be admitted into Heaven. This reminded me of a conversation/argument that I had with my best friend’s father. My friend’s family is hardcore Christian, and I remember his father bringing this whole topic up. With my aunt and some of my friends being gay, this was a touchy subject for me and I got offended. So I asked him “My aunt is gay, does that mean she will not go to Heaven?” I just remember him stuttering and trying to spit out an answer. He beat around the bush and changed the subject which made me angry, but I let it go for the sake of keeping my friendship with my friend. This topic often goes through my head. This is one reason why I could never be hardcore Christian because I have a hard time visualizing my loved ones who are gay and very good people, not making it into Heaven because of their sexual orientation.
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The story of Jeffrey and Tony Perri is one in a million; I have never heard about anything even remotely close to it and its uniqueness. The idea that someone my age and his grandfather are both gay is very interesting to me. This makes me wonder if it is possible that being gay is in your genes and can maybe skip a generation or something weird like that. Some people believe that being gay is pre determined while others believe that it is a choice; I think that it can either be one or the other. But the fact that you and your grandfather are both gay certainly helps the argument for the side that it is predetermined. If I was the father of Jeffery I would feel a little strange since my dad and son are both gay and I am not. I am not saying that this is a bad thing; I would just feel a little strange.
I find this whole ordeal very bizarre and one of a kind, even somewhat comical. There is nothing funny about being gay or the way that gays are treated in the United States; it’s just sort of funny to think of a grandfather and his grandson both being attracted to men. I think it is sort of funny because being gay is pretty rare and having two gay men in one family is really rare. Though there is something in this whole ordeal that I do not find funny at all; the way in which Tony handled being gay. I know coming out of the closet is one of if not the most difficult obstacle a gay person must overcome, but Tony should not have married a women and raised a family knowing that he was gay. It seems like his wife took the news pretty well, pleading to Tony to just not tell the children, but it really could’ve broken her heart and turned her world upside down. If Tony knew that he was gay since the age of seventeen then why would he marry a woman? It just doesn’t make sense to me. He could’ve just come out of the closet when he felt comfortable and got involved with another man. Why would he lead his life as a lie, pretending that he was actually attracted to his wife? Another issue is the children that he had with her. It is a good thing that they never found out about their father’s orientation at a young age since this is such shocking news. I’m glad that Tony’s relationship with his children wasn’t tarnished by the news of him coming out to them later in life.
It may seem that I am hating on Tony a little too much, but I do have respect for him for eventually coming out. I just wished that he had taken matters into his own hands a little earlier in life and not gotten married to a women knowing that he was gay. The story of Tony and Jeffery is truly a remarkable one.
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I really enjoyed listening to Jeffrey’s and Tony’s stories. I especially sympathized with Tony because he seemed to have struggled with who he was for a good part of his life. I mean he confessed to a priest and he was told to keep an essential part of who he is hidden and tucked away. Thirty four years of trying to live a different life than what his body was telling him must be very difficult. Then I tried to think about his wife. How did she handle all of this? He said that she asked him not to tell his children, but then he did. Was she wrong to ask him to hide his sexuality from them? What would be the right way to handle the situation? I personally do not know what I would do if that happened to me. I would love to say that I would just accept it and be able to remain close with the man, but after sharing all those memories and dreams and raising children with someone you thought would love you forever, how does that seem possible? She was left all alone. I know that what Tony did was him trying to do the “right” thing, but I think an important part of the story that was left out was the wife’s point of view. Sense I’m writing this late, I got the chance to hear about what Sam had to say about living the “gay lifestyle”. I think what he said was very powerful about that the gay lifestyle is the same as the straight lifestyle. Before he brought up this issue in class, I would have thought of it as completely different. Really, there isn’t too much difference between the two. Ya, maybe for having children it’s a bit more complicated. And finding housing can also be a big issue because people are not always so accepting. But, on the fundamentals of love, things are pretty much the same. I wonder if love may grow deeper in homosexual relationships because there might be a better understanding of the partner because of being the same sex. Also, I think the reaction of the class was very interesting when Sam brought up the issue of gay parents. I know that during that class I had the same reaction as everyone else. I was totally taken back and didn’t even want to consider the fact that one of my parents could be homosexual. But, is sexual orientation really that different from race? I personally don’t know the scientific facts to what can cause someone to be gay, but I have always held the opinion that it is not a choice. That this is something people cannot control and may even want to change. But I think when it comes down to it, people are afraid of what they cannot understand. I believe this is why there is such a negative reaction to the thought of one’s own parents being homosexual.
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I really think this story is very interesting because I know coming out from the closet can be a big obstacle that someone can go through. Even though the grandfather is married to a woman whom he loved very much, he finally came out from the closet and admitted that he was gay. He told others that when he was a child, he felt that something was wrong and he has been living in a life of a lie. When he found out that his grandson is gay, he was quite happy and proud because he didn’t want his grandson to make the same mistake like he did in the past.
To be honest, I’m really glad that both of these two people have opened up to the world because if they continued to keep it in and never told the world about this sexuality, I personally will think that they will have to suffer some serious problems.
This story reminds me of a story when I was back in high school where my high school friend admitted that she was gay. Although I was young and didn’t quite know what gay was, I do know that there was something that has to do with sexual orientation. Until she explained to me what it was, I was shocked and surprised because I didn’t expect her to be gay. But I do understand how she felt while keeping her secret. Her telling me her secret made me happy because it made me think about the strength and the courage that she had in her in order to tell me her secret. She didn’t care what other people though of her and she understands that if her friends don’t support her idea of her sexual orientation, then they are not their real friends.
After she told me her secret, I found out from her that her sister is also gay and that her parents do not support gay people. She told me that if her parents find out that they are both gay, they would probably disown them. Currently, they are now dating people that are the same sex and have been hiding from their parents for a couple of years now. When they want to spend time with them, the sisters would just tell the parents that they are going to sleep over their “girlfriends’ house” and won’t be back until the next morning. To me, I think telling their parents earlier would be better because if the parents finds out about their sexual orientation, they would probably get into lots of trouble.
This article that Sam posted up is very catching because not only the grandson is gay but also the grandfather is one too. This is the first time that I have seen some family member accepts some other family member about their sexual orientation. I think it’s very awesome.
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The topic of homosexuality is becoming almost a regular phrase in our daily lives. Each day, I hear that someone new has come out of the closet or I hear people using the word “gay” to describe something or someone. For some of us, this is just an idea that we will never have to experience, but as Sam said, for a lot of us, we are going to have to face this tricky topic at some point in our lives.
I am sure that coming out of the closet is one of the most difficult challenges someone has to go through. The fear of not being accepted any longer and being made fun of must be awful. While, some people accept homosexuality, others still have a huge issue with this topic.
Even though I am straight, I have already experienced homosexuality in my life. My second cousin who I am very close with is gay. Although, he is now in his 50’s, he still explains to me how hard it was for him to finally come out of the closet. For about a year, his mother and father refused to accept him for whom he truly was. My cousin also explained that his friends were also not very supportive through this hard time. I wish he didn’t have to go through that.
After listening to the conversation with the grandson and grandfather, it hit home to me that early generations really stuck to tradition and the norm. I am sure the grandfather was one of few people back then who actually admitted to being gay. Morals and the perfect American Dream lifestyle was what everyone wanted back then and I am sure it was A LOT harder for him to come out of the closet than it was for his grandson. I thought that this story was very touching.
This story also brought up some questions that no one has ever answered me for. Does genetics have anything to do with homosexuality? Was the grandson more likely to be gay since his grandfather was gay? In addition, are people born gay or does it evolve throughout ones life. I am not sure that there is actually an answer to these questions but I find this topic very interesting.
For me, I think that people should be able to follow whatever path they want to take. I think its ridiculous when people look at homosexuals in a bad light. I hope that one day people will not be afraid to express themselves and hesitate to come out of the closet. Lastly, people need to be more open about this topic and willing to accept homosexuals because most likely, they will experience homosexuality at one point of their lives.
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When Sam asked if anyone had gay parents, no one raised their hand. I guarantee that there are at least a couple of people in the room that have gay parents that have already come out and they are just too embarrassed to admit that. However, when Sam asked if anyone had gay friends, almost everyone raised their hand. They openly admitted that they had gay friends. I think if Sam had asked if anyone had any gay siblings a few people would not openly admit this, but I think they would be more likely to admit it than if they had gay parents. Each of these are examples of people that you are close to. Why is it that people are more willing to admit that they have gay friends or mostly likely admit that they have gay siblings than gay parents, assuming this would be the case?
I personally think that if I had gay parents I would not raise my hand. I don’t know if it would be that I didn’t want to stick out in a crowd or if I would be embarrassed about my parents’ situation. I think it would be that I would be one of few and I wouldn’t want to be looked at as different. If my parents were divorced and Sam asked if they were, I would probably raise my hand and not be embarrassed because it is more common. Therefore, I don’t think I would be embarrassed about that my parents were separated, but more the fact that one of my parents was gay.
In my high school I knew two siblings who were very popular and well known throughout the school because of their extra-curricular activities. Their mom ended up coming out late into their high school years and leaving their dad. It was hard for them to take and then she started dating the athletic director of our school. It was hard because it was public for everyone. The kids still loved their mom, but they were very embarrassed because it was something they wanted to keep hidden and it became so public.
I think it is sad that people have to be embarrassed about this. They can’t help the way their parents feel and at the same time, their parents can’t help being honest about their sexual orientation. I think it is hard when it happens later in life and becomes a problem because it is such a shock. Everyone wants to think that their mom and dad are in love. No one wants their parents to not get along or fall in love with someone else. It is the norm. Therefore, having your parents both separate because they aren’t in love and then having them falling in love with someone else, especially someone of the same sex, would be very difficult.
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I guess it is safe to say that this story about the grandfather being gay only solidifies Sam’s lecture on people having gay parents. He stressed the fact that some gay and lesbian people do not come out of the closest until later on in life which in this case would be Tony Perry. I find this story to be extremely interesting. My assumption is that Tony didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin, and he certainly wasn’t comfortable enough to tell anyone till later on life. Although, I am surprised that he went to the church to confide in a priest, especially since the church does not believe in the lifestyle of homosexuals. I was also taken aback by what the priest said (do not tell anyone), I would think he would try and convince Tony that he would go to hell if he continued with that lifestyle. His wife also said the same thing the priest said, that it would be better if he didn’t tell anyone but the kids in particular. I think for her sake it was more of an embarrassment. She would never want to tell anyone that her husband left her because he was gay. I also feel she didn’t want her kids to feel ashamed or be made fun of that their father was gay. On the other hand this must have made Jeffery more comfortable in his skin. His grandfather is gay which means his family is already aware about the gay lifestyle. For him to come out of the closet was probably a scary time in his life, but probably not as scary as what his grandfather experienced. Jeffrey’s grandfather allowed Jeffrey to be comfortable and more open about his sexuality. Before Soc 119 I never thought about parents who potentially may be gay, it never came across my mind. It is weird to say, but Sam is right. There are many parents out there who are gay, and have yet to openly come out. These people are experiencing exactly what Tony had gone through when he was younger. Tony waited 17 years before he told anyone again, and then he realized he had to tell his children. He knew living an honest lifestyle was the best way to live. I am curious if we will ever come to a point where people will NOT feel that they must get married and push away their feelings of being gay or lesbian. It goes to show that our society has a lot of work to do because there are people in this world that have to hide how they really feel because they are scared of what may happen to them if the truth does come out. Will gay or lesbian people ever feel comfortable walking down the street holding hands? I really don’t have an answer for this because it is too hard to tell. We have come a far way with civil rights, but there is still a lot of prejudice and discrimination. I think the future holds a lot of potential, but who knows what will happen in fifty years.
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This story is pretty neat in my opinion. I love the fact that the grandfather, Tony, didn’t lie to his grandson, Jeffrey, when he asked if he was gay. I think that takes more guts than Jeffrey telling Tony that he’s gay. I can’t imagine living a lie like Tony did; I can’t imagine just one day realizing everything you have now is the exact opposite of what your heart truly desires. Tony did say that he loved his wife, loved being a father, but there must have always been this emptiness with him, incapable of being fulfilled. I can’t imagine having a void like that in my life for so long. And to think the priest told him not to tell anyone and to keep it to himself? That just makes it that much harder, because Tony had the thinking that there was something wrong with him for being gay.
I have so many gay people in my life – aunts, uncles, cousins. I never had a single problem with gay people, ever. My favorite cousin/best friend is gay. He never really ever “came out” to me, but I knew. We had the same celebrity crushes way back when and we still text about the cutest baseball players on the Phillies to this day. He’s 24 and I don’t know if he’s ever come out to his parents/family. I mean, it’s not hard to “know” but I just don’t know if he’s said the words to them like Tony did to Jeffrey. And I’m a firm believer that every single girl should have a best gay guy friend – so fun. Anyway, I love my gay aunts, uncles and cousins just the same as I do all the rest. We treat my aunt’s girlfriend as family, she’s Aunt Jody. And my uncle’s boyfriend, we call him Uncle Ted.
I don’t think there’d be a problem if I was gay, coming out to my family. Both my mom and dad have gay relatives, no big deal. But back then when Tony realized he was gay? That was like the plague I’d imagine. Especially being a man with a family coming out gay? I actually think I have a friend like this, which is so super tragic. He came out to us, his closest group of friends, sophomore year before Christmas break. He went home, and I guess told his family, and was “straight” when he got back to school. He said he had thought all wrong and was confused; but we knew. His family is very traditional in their religious beliefs, and we all supposed that when he came out to his family, they just told him “no.” I picture him as getting married and living the kind of lie/life that Tony did. It’s really sad that this still happens today in this day and age when everything is changing, from having a black president to allowing legal gay marriages. Nevertheless, I’ve never judged someone according to their sexual preference, nor will I ever.
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Speaking from the perspective of a straight person, I think that being able to come out and express your sexuality and be comfortable with expressing it is both a strong and courageous thing to do. I cannot relate first hand to a person who has come out or hasn’t but wants to, however I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be, especially living in our societies today. While I tend to think that there has been progress made towards acknowledging the fact that everyone should be able to freely express themselves and have equal rights, I would still find it extremely difficult to come out. For those who are living secret lives in fear of showing people who they truly are and being able to live a lifestyle they want, I feel so much sadness for. I try to put myself in their shoes by thinking about something so big in my life, taking it, and hiding it because I don’t want to be judged the wrong way. Unfortunately, this is how gay people who cannot come out live their lives every day and it saddens me. I think that in our society today, younger people are accepting gay people more openly than other generations because it was unheard of to be gay years ago simply because no one came out. Since no one came out because it is was unacceptable, more people from past generations are finally feeling more comfortable to come out now, as well as younger people because even though there are still issues, these issues do not come close to how bad it was before.
I think another huge issue in today’s society is our use of the word “gay,” “lesbian,” or “dike.” These words are thrown around and used in contexts in which they don’t belong and is creating a negative connotation with the word. I hear people using these words every day in normal conversations and I admit to using them as well. I think that this somehow needs to end because the usage of the word makes no sense. Although not many people mean to be offensive when using the word “gay” or “lesbian,” they are usually using the word to mean stupid, or weird. Personally, if I were struggling to come out and express my true identity and heard people openly throwing these words around, I would be fearful that people would assume I was stupid or weird and use these words to describe me. I think the issue of gay rights and coming out is going to continue to exist until everyone realizes that everyone deserves to be happy and live how they choose. While we have made progress, there is still a long road ahead because everyone should be able to live happily and freely without judgment.
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Let me first off say that I myself am not gay and never will be. So some of my opinions or things I may say might sound one sided not because of ignorance just from the lack of knowledge about gay people. I do not have any gay friends, that I know of, not from choice of not wanting to friend a gay person, just not having the opportunity in a way to have one. I am sure that one day that I may have a gay friend, boy or girl or I may date a girl that either was lesbian or turns lesbian, who knows, but hopefully she did not turn lesbian because of me. I do not necessarily have a problem with gay people either.I respect people for who they are and who they choose to be. Whether or not being gay is a choice or if it is genetic, which some people debate and I am sure scientists are working on things right now. I was born and raised Catholic and according to the bible you should not be gay. I do not always fully support everything that is said in the bible at this stage at my life but who knows what my thoughts on religion will be for the rest of my life. I do not have hatred towards gay people and do not have any hatred towards any types of people, race, color, ethnicity, religion, except I do not agree with the muslim wife beating at all which was a previous journal I wrote about. After Sam’s lecture and this video it is kinda weird to think that people may have gay parents and not even know it and one might be keeping if from their partner for years and years life this man in the other audio video. After listening to the audio video of Jeffrey and Tony Perri it was kind of nice hearing about how one was a role model for the other and helped each other out with their gayness and coming out of the closet to their family and loved ones with support. I mean I guess in the end he did the right thing to divorce his wife because he was gay because that is just not fair to her and others. I certainly do not expect my parents to come out of the closet at any point but to be honest if one of them did I do not really know how I would act though. First I would be in shock and disbelief and it would take me some time to be comfortable but I would not turn my back on them and I would be supportive of their lifestyle because they have raised me and supported me to be who I am today and it is only right for me to do the same to them and to except them for who they are.
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This was a touching story. These two gay men, a grandfather and his grandson who’s relationship grew stronger when they came out to each other. Good for them. I was surprised to hear that this guy was scared to come out in the seventies because that was supposed to be the time of sexual revolution amongst other things. It is good that these guys were able to come out and not have a backlash against them. This is a very touchy subject. People are afraid to come out because of what their peers or even what their families might say. I have read stories about similar situations like this where some families have even disowned their children for being gay. That is insane. These parents should be supportive of their children no matter what. I am a firm believer that people are born gay. These parents who disown their children for this kind of stuff do not have an open mind. They need to accept that fact. It might be hard at first but they need to accept it. People need to get out of this conservative mindset. People should be allowed to do what they want. That is why I think it is stupid to deny the right of marriage to gays and lesbians. I know some people look at Marriage being a sacred thing between a man and a woman. I do believe that it is a sacred thing but it should not just be restricted to just straight couples.
If a gay or lesbian couple has loved each other for long enough and one of them dies, they should be granted the same rights as a straight couple. Like they should be allowed to rightfully acquire what their spouse left behind. I get really aggravated when people say that gays should not be allowed to get married. Then I ask them why and they can not give me a straight answer. It is because they don’t have a good answer. I will be honest: I used to think that way when I was younger. Then when I started to mature and get older I started thinking things through. I did not have an open mind because I grew up in a conservative family. My dad just says things without giving a really solid reason for saying it. My mom is very conservative but she has always told me to think for myself. I got that way with religion too. I was raised as a Lutheran but I started to question what I was being taught. I don’t have anything against religion it just isn’t for me.
I just thought this story on the grandfather and his grandson. It is good that they share this common ground and their relationship is strong because of it.
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In class recently we had a discussion about who had it tougher in life: gay people or black people. It was certainly one of the more “tense” topics of conversation with opinions on the subject being tossed back and forth among classmates, some in a slightly annoyed or upset tone.
I don’t really think anyone can judge how hard anyone really has it, to be honest, but it shows that it is definitely not easy being black or gay.
The story in the blog post about the grandfather and grandson who both came out of the closet to each other really lets you know how difficult it can be to be a gay person, both now and many years ago.
The grandfather, Tony, said when he realized he was gay he was told by some not to tell his kids or wife about it. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and I realized that I was attracted to my own sex, I’d probably want to tell my partner about that. The relationship is obviously changed, and not telling them would make you live the rest of your life as a lie. That’s just not fair.
It’s funny though, because like Sam said in the blog post, if Tony wasn’t ever married to a woman in the first place, his grandson Jeff, who is also gay, would never have been born. (And neither would any of Tony and his ex-wife’s children.) I’m sure Jeff is thankful to be here with us today, and I’m sure he’s even more thankful that his grandfather was someone that could help him in his own coming out process.
I think it has been tough since roughly the beginning of time to come out as a homosexual, regardless of race, color or creed. Have we ever really had a society in the world where most people accepted homosexuality? You can argue that we’re almost there in the United States today, but with things still lingering like the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about gays and the fact that only six states officially recognize gay marriage, we’re clearly not there yet.
I can tell you from experience that homosexuality is still a bit taboo even in my own family. I have a cousin who not so recently had come out as a lesbian. While most of our family had known about it, we hid the fact from our grandmother because we were still afraid of how she might react to it. We lied to our own grandmother about it!
My gay cousin did however get married this past July. Grandmom was there. When the news was broken to her about the ceremony, she said she just wanted my cousin to be happy. Maybe she’s just too old to care or maybe she’s accepted gay marriage. We’ll never know, but I can say for sure that none of us knew what to expect. That itself is a telling sign that maybe we’re not where we could be in regards to gays in America.
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Coming out of the closet must be one of the hardest things to do. You have to take the chance that you will not be rejected by your family or friends and hope that they will still like you and support you for who you are. I think the number of people who are coming out of the closet is definitely increasing due to society’s increase in acceptance of gay people. I still meet some people who are completely against gay people and gay rights and I really don’t understand why that is. I feel like if they aren’t bothering you then just let them live their lives the way they want to. My best friend’s brother came out of the closet last year and I remember her calling me and telling me the news. I asked her if she cared and what was going through her head and she said that she didn’t care and still loved him. The more gay people are able to be assured that they will be supported like this when they come out of the closet, the easier it will be for them. My dad actually works for a non-profit organization that works to repeal the don’t ask, don’t tell law about gay people in the military. He’s one of the few straight people in his office and always comes home with stories. I’m glad I grew up in a household that supports gay rights. I was taught at a young age that they are no different than me, they just have a different preference in their partners. I find it really sad when I meet people who are homophobic.
Now on to this whole my parents possibly being gay thing. I really couldn’t imagine one of my parents coming out as being gay. I don’t know how I’d feel about them coming out after 20 years of them pretending to be in love with my mom/dad. I would still love them because they are the ones who raised me but it would be a little weird to accept at first. I guess I would first question why it took them so long to come out. It would be weird to think that if they had felt comfortable coming out 20 years ago, then I wouldn’t be alive right now. Life works in peculiar ways and is all about the decisions you make and when you make them. The story about the grandfather and his grandson was very touching. It must have been hard for the family but it’s good that they at least have each other for support and understanding. I don’t think that gay people should not come out of the closet. It would be like you were living a lie every day. I hope that one day, all gay people will feel comfortable coming out of the closet.
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I decided to comment on this blog because I just got back from a “Straight Talk” here on campus. It’s basically where members of the LGBTA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Ally) have an open forum and share their stories and a question and answer session. At first I wasn’t excited to go and was only doing it because most of my sorority was going so I tagged along. It turned out to be an excellent experience and really changed my feelings towards these individuals. I personally do not believe in homosexuality because of my religion but I have always been warm and welcoming to any individual. I’m not going to discriminate them and I would vote for their legal rights because I don’t think that anyone should be kept from the love of their life, I just would personally not engage in homosexuality. Anyways, hearing all of their stories and seeing how hard it was for them to come out, some knew as early as 4th grade but kept it hidden until high school or even college. Out of the 5 representatives, 4 of them being gay, only 3 sets of parents knew about it. And they were not happy. The individuals said it was going to take time for them to get used to the idea and be at peace with it. One individual had not even come out to her parents yet because she was scared as to how they would react. I cannot even imagine the pain and suffering of keeping a deep secret like that for years. It’s so sad how it can even turn to young adults committing suicide because they are just so confused and don’t know where to turn. I think it’s an awesome thing that there are plenty of support groups now and people that are willing to help and talk with people who are struggling or confused about their sexuality. There’s that interesting twist in the story about how if the grandfather had come out as a child, his grandson would not even be born. Like Sam said, life can work in peculiar ways and everything happens for a reason. It’s good that the grandpa stayed true to himself and knew deep down what he had to do when he ended the marriage and finally came out to his grandson and rest of the family. It encouraged the grandson to come out and be open about his sexuality. On a side note, I realized through the straight talk that saying something’s “gay” or calling someone a “faggot” can really be discouraging to people or friends who may be struggling with coming out, or can offend people who are openly gay. I will admit that I say those derogatory things quite often because I don’t have any close friends who are gay but hearing the heartfelt stories of the individuals at the straight talk tonight, I’m going to try and be more conscious about it. Step by Step.
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I wouldn’t know, but I feel confident assuming that coming out of the closet is one of the hardest things a human being might have to do. There is so much judgment in this world that is no wonder many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or transgender people hide who they really are. It is not fair that anyone should have to hide a part of his or her self just because some people are closed minded. I understand that it would be hard to accept that a family member is gay, but they are still the same person that they were before they came out of the closet. It is hard to put yourself in this situation before you actually experience it, but it is not fair to your friend or family member. They are really putting themselves out there, which is a very brave and courageous thing to do.
The story of Jeffery and Tony is very touching and one that many people can relate to. During the radio conversation, when Jeffery is telling his grandfather that at first he was afraid to tell him that he was gay because he felt that his grandfather would be worried about him and what other people think. I feel as though this is the reason that many people who have yet to come out of the closet feel the same way as Jeffery did and therefore are in denial. Tony did admit to feeling this way at first, but I feel like that is a typical first response to hearing this news. Tony, being gay himself, knew the hardships that his grandson might and probably would go through and he was just worried. I feel like Jeffery is better off than his grandfather was because he has a close relative he can talk openly to and feel very comfortable doing so. The only person Tony told was a priest and when the priest told him to keep his mouth shut he listened and kept it bottled up inside, which was not the healthiest thing. It is so sad how he had to live a lie his entire life without the comfort of someone to talk to.
As Sam said though, this is a very bittersweet because if Tony had actually felt comfortable enough to come out when he was 17, then Jeffery would never have been born and they would not have been able to share this connection. When Tony came out to his wife, and she proceeded to tell him to not tell the children that he was gay, I think that is very selfish on her part. Why should Tony have to hide to he is to his own children just to spare his wife the embarrassment? If she really loved him then she should have wanted him to be free to tell who he pleased so he could feel comfortable around his own family. It is crazy that he had to live a lie just because his wife couldn’t handle it.
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I think it’s crazy to think about how different Tony’s life would have been if he was able to come out in his youth. I can’t imagine living life for that long of a time denying something as big as being homosexual. I always wonder how homosexuals, or anyone having to hide something that big of their life, can do it. I have a friend that was very flamboyant for years but never actually said that he was gay. When I first met my friend I thought that he was openly gay, but when I asked our mutual friend she told me that he wasn’t. There were years when my friend was having sexual relations with girls, denying his true self, until he finally came out to all of us this past year. My friend came out to our other friend months before he came out to the rest of us because she was a lesbian, so they had a common connection. I think being homosexual is one of the biggest challenges for anyone to have to take on, because it obviously is not easy to come out. No matter how accepting people say they are, you never truly know, so I understand why it was so hard for my friend to come out to all of us. For the most part, my friends and I are all very accepting and will defend any of our homosexual friends. I still have some friends who “don’t understand” why people are homosexual, but I try to have a conversation with them to help them comprehend the concept and struggle at least a little more than they originally did.
I am really glad that Jeffrey had someone like his grandfather there for him so he was able to come out early enough and live his life as his true self. I think it’s great that Tony and Jeffrey are able to have such an open relationship. I love when Tony said that his proudest moment was being honest with Jeffrey about his sexual orientation because I think that is very important. Tony being honest truly does pave the way for Jeffrey to be the same way with his other family members and peers. Tony is setting an example that hopefully Jeffrey will follow and pass along to others. I think its people like Tony that help to break the barriers between people. I think this story is very touching, and it truly put a smile on my face. I am not gay but I know many people that are, and it makes me happy that there are people out there like Tony paving the way for future generations to be open and accepting. Many of my very good friends are homosexual so I try to set an example for others and I hope this story helps others to do the same thing.
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Well, to be honest, I don’t know anyone personally who is gay, but I’m sure some of my friends now will be gay and come out of the closet later in life. When Sam said that some of us have gay parents and no one believed him was kind of funny. If there are 700 students and 1400 biological parents, some of them are going to be gay and there is nothing wrong with that. I think people need to be more open and accepting of the gay community and such. But some people are very religious and gay rights and actions contradict what they believe, so I understand on why some people are not accepting of the gay community. I think everyone is entitled to their opinion but other people are not wrong, just because they believe something else. But getting back to the topic, the radio discussion was very interesting. It is funny to think about that if the gay parents who come out of the closet later in life would have come out earlier, they wouldn’t have the kids they have today. So yeah I don’t know if it’s a bad thing to come out of the closet later in life so that you can reproduce. Well I guess that you can be gay but reproduce just to reproduce, or I guess you could adopt. But I don’t know, I’m not gay and I’m not very educated in the department of what gays do if they want kids. But then on the other hand it would be better for gay people to come out of the closet when they are younger so they can be who they want to be. But it has to be hard to not be in the “normal” crowd when you’re in middle school or high school. But what I learned is you can’t worry about what everyone else thinks of you. If you do, you’ll go insane. People just need to be themselves no matter who they are or what anybody else says. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t the norm or whatever; they need to do what they want to do to be themselves. But then on the other hand, people should be able to be themselves without being judged by others, even if it’s against their religion. But I can also see where the other people are coming from by it being against their religion. I wouldn’t change the views about my religion just to fit in with society. If I don’t think being gay is right then I will stick to that and not change just because America and society are changing. I don’t really know where I stand because I can see both sides, but if I was gay, I would come out of the closet and disregard everything anybody says.
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Talking about homosexuality is probably one of the most heated topics that we have today. So many people are set in so many different ways, and it’s hard for everybody to meet happily in the middle. First I’d like to start by saying that it is not a choice to be gay. Yes, you have the people that decide to participate in homosexual acts sometimes, but I mean to be ACTUALLY and really gay. Say we are all designed to like the different sex and that being straight meant that you liked girl if you were a girl and boys if you were a boy. And then someone boy liked a girl or some girl liked a boy, they would be the gay ones. I’m just trying to say that we are all born with whatever sexual orientation we are going to have. You are born to either like girls or guys. It’s not really you choosing, it’s your brain and what attracts you to a person. It has to be so frustrating for someone that is gay who doesn’t want to be, there are people in the world that are gay and wish they weren’t different, but they just can’t help it. With each year that passes I feel like we are making more and more progress with acceptance, as is true for most issues. Time heals everything. People I believe get so heated about it because they just don’t understand it. It’s just a lack of knowledge. If these unaccepting people would just take a few weeks out of their life to be sit down and taught actually facts, they would feel the same way, and the world would be a much better place. We lose a lot of lives from suicide to do gay issues. The story of Tony is a bittersweet one. It’s good in the way that since times were different back then Tony got to teach his grandson of how not to be and show him a direct example; himself. But then I’m sure it broke a lot of hearts in the process. The grandmother who had invested her entire life into something that just wasn’t true. It’s devastating for everybody. If we all knew facts then things like this wouldn’t have to occur and wreck entire families. Also confused teens would not turn to suicide because they felt like that was no way out.
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I’m a straight white guy who doesn’t have any problems with straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people. However, I was not always this way, still I think it’s weird, but hey it’s probably what people think about me being straight. So anyways, growing up your always told not to be gay or else or even act gay in high school because it’s a crime or some weird shit like that. Many people like Jeffery and Tony have a hard time coming out and telling friends, family and the world that they are gay. I know this because I have a really good friend in which I’ve have been friends with for a very long time. This person has grown up with me and my friends while staying in the closet and holding back his feeling for other men.
It was Christmas day, 2007 when my friend Nick came out to everyone that he is gay and has been hiding it because of what everyone would think. When he first came out I was shocked and then thought that he was just pranking all of us. However, that wasn’t the case. Nick didn’t act gay, look gay or even dress like it, and come on, I’m not being rude here you all know what I’m talking about because usually you can pick a gay person right out a crowd, but with nick it’s different. My point here is that I never knew, so I asked Nick when he knew he was gay and why he choose to come out when he did.
Nick first asked all of us what we thought about his situation, at first I didn’t know what to say, but since then it has grown on me. Nick was my first gay and only friend, well that know of. Nick told all of us that he has been gay since high school and didn’t tell anyone because he knew that if he came out in high school people would have hated him and we probably would have no longer been friends with him. However, since Nick came out my eyes and view have been much different towards gay people. I think it’s cool and don’t care what he does. Having a gay friend as made me realize that they are people as well and his choice is not hurting me, it actually has opened my eyes. Since Nick has come out the sentence “your gay” is more interesting and it’s even better when he does something wrong and you can say it to him. Since he has come out I no longer have a problem with LGBT people, unless they are too flamboyant about their decision and unlike Nick this is not an issue. So if they want to be gay or whatever more power to those people.
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This story was both very hard for me to listen to, and at the same time very uplifting. I my grandfather was gay, and I say was because he has passed away. The tragic thing about this situation was that he died with most of himself still in the closet. It is one of those things that I think about often, and I wonder how his life would’ve been different if he felt that he could be honest with everybody. I, personally, had no idea that my grandfather was gay. He lived in the same house with my grandmother but did not share a room. I just assumed as a young girl that was what old people did when they well, got older. I was young when my grandfather died, and could not see things for the way they were. I looked to my elders to paint a reality for me, and as a trusting, young, impressionable child…I simply believed them. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if it was talked about. Would I have been mature enough to embrace the fact that my family was different? I certainly hope so. Frequently, I wish that he was around longer so that I could know the truth and accept and love him in a way that he never was before. To this day, I still can’t talk to my mother about this situation; I hold it off for a later time. Mostly because I do not know exactly how she feels about it, and I do not want to hurt her feelings. There are so many questions that I have about the grandfather that I thought I knew. I envy Tony and Jeffrey. They are the best situation. They are an example on how things can work out well for honest people. Denial is a good thing to a point, and I guess I should be grateful for my grandfather’s denial. It was a sacrifice he made, and I am the product. I wish that my grandfather could have met someone like Tony eventually, and let him know that it is okay to be who you are. But isn’t that the problem that most of us have in the world today? We need to learn to be who we are, and live the life we want to live. This is why I envy Tony. He is who he is, and probably one of the most profound role models his grandson will ever have.
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I felt that the you-tube video about Jeffery and Tony was very touching. I think it is extremely hard to come out as a gay man. I feel it is different than a girl coming out because you loose that “man hood”. I personally am not close with anyone that is homosexual well for, as I know of. I am sure there are friends of mine out there that just have not come out yet or are confused of what they feel. That video was definitely bittersweet because Jeffery would not be alive today if Tony was to come out earlier in his lifetime. It is shocking to me how much sexuality plays into our role in society. If you are gay or lesbian your life is unwillingly and drastically different because of other peoples opinions. They care way too much of what people think and are afraid that they will never be able to go back to living a normal lifestyle.
I think people should be able to love whoever they want, no matter what the sexual reference of that person. Back in high school I remember there was like 1 or 2 kids who came out. This was a big deal because our school was a predominately white, wealthy high school that was full of cliques and different groups of friends. Although, I never looked at these couple of students that were gay as weird or different, I know a lot of the “jocks” thought that it was disgusting and not right. That’s why you see students come out once they reach college. They are finally out of that small school environment where everyone knows everything about everybody. Once you get to college you feel more comfortable in your own skin and feel that you can express your self in the way you want. However, I have never really heard a story like this one where an elderly man came out of the closet. I do know a few people who have had their parent come out and I am sure it was an unusual situation for them at first. It definitely had a huge effect on them because these kids were still in high school and had to deal with that judgmental environment. I think homosexuals should think about what they are doing by staying in the closet. If they came out, they would not only have a huge relief off their shoulders but they would help other gays to feel comfortable and come out of the closet as well.
I support anyone who does have the courage to come out and have a truthful and happy lifestyle. Like any other deep hidden secrets in someone’s like, it is not fair for anyone to feel alone and think they are committing a sin because of their sexual preference.
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I have a friend who’s mother was in a very similar situation as this grandfather. She had a loving family until one day she came out and told her husband she was a lesbian and they got a divorce. There is no need for me to go into to all the details but I think two things strike me about both these situations. Before I get into that I want to say that I can’t put myself in the shoes of somebody who is gay, I can’t understand what it feels like to not be comfortable with saying out loud I am straight. SO first of all with this grandpa, was his life he had with his family never enjoyable, was it all out of vain…when he finally decided to tell his wife I would like to know why it took 17 years and if he felt any different on that day than he did on his wedding day. Another question I have is are stories like this the same as any other marriage that ends in a divorce, or should there be some kind of understanding because they were not comfortable with being themselves? What I mean is I don’t think it is acceptable for a man or woman to use the excuse “I just can’t be straight any longer” for ending a marriage… I think when you get married it really means you love the person you are saying “I DO” to more than any other person in the world and you are choosing to spend the rest of your life together. I understand mistakes are made sometimes and people are divorcing like it’s a new dance move now but I’m just saying- do people look at divorced once straight now gay people differently than they would straight divorced people?
The last thing I want to mention is something the grandfather said. “I felt I was not living an honest life.” …I can relate to this, to be living in a lie to know what I am doing at the moment might not be right- the feeling is horrible and all you want to do is make it go away. So if he was living with this for that long- thinking he just had to accept that there was “something wrong” inside him- than I’m sure he’s had a much more enjoyable life since. Also I’m not sure if it was because of the advice he was given when he was younger “to be careful who he tells” … brainwashed him into thinking, acting, believing and living in a way that was not himself… but it sure sounds like that was what happened.
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The generation gap between my generation and that of my parents or grandparents sometimes seems insurmountable, and yet, it is stories like the Perris’ that make me think that there really is some common ground to stand on. When I really think about it, every generation has its taboos and people who live their lives in shadow or on the fringes of society. And it is the people like Tony Perri who are courageous enough to reveal their true selves who can play the biggest part in changing the way different generations in society view things. As difficult a decision it was for him to come out of the closet in the ’70s, he probably has changed more than a couple of viewpoints in his lifetime toward the more open-minded side. It might be too much to assume, but it’s possible that homophobic or prejudiced people who knew Tony as a devoted father and upstanding member of the community may have begun to see gay people in a different light after he came out. At the very least, Tony was an inspiration to at least one gay youth – his own grandson.
I know that my parents do not support gay rights and view homosexuality as immoral and unnatural. The communist Chinese culture they grew up in was not only very sheltered but also very set on uniformity – it would simply have been unacceptable to be living out of the closet then, and even now, in China, homosexuality is kept rather quiet and sexual openness is pretty much only in big cities – and even after coming to the United States, which is obviously less conservative, their experience with LGBT people has been basically limited to those in the media. I wonder if they might be a little less judgmental and maybe more sympathetic if they actually knew anyone who was LGBT. As more people, especially in their generation, find it acceptable to live out of the closet, perhaps they will get the chance to prove me right.
I think the big difference between my parents’ and my opinion is the kind of society we were raised in. Even though none of my close friends are LGBT, I know many people who are, several of whom are out to their friends and parents, and I definitely think that has reinforced my beliefs that the LGBT community should be afforded the same rights of the heterosexual community. Living in the United States and being a part of a generation that has grown up in the post-Ellen Degeneres, HIV-rainbow flag-Queer Eye-Prop 8 era, I have pretty much always been aware that homosexuality exists and that homosexual people are your regular, everyday people. They’re not trying to convert you or hit on you or lead you into sin. It is this breaking down of cultural myths and barriers that will ultimately make it easier for people like the Perris to come out to their families. True, if Tony Perri had come out when he first realized he was gay, Jeffrey would not be here today, but he would have also saved himself 17 years of having to hide who he was in favor of conforming to society.
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I thought the story about Jeffery and Tony was pretty interesting because of the fact that they are grandfather and grandson. I do not personally know many people that are out of the closet, and I found their situation quite remarkable. I cannot imagine how comforting it was for Jeffery to have his grandfather, Tony, to relate to. So many people struggle with accepting their sexuality, deciding how and when to come out, and how to face the changes in life “out of the closet.” I would assume that a large number of gays have a difficult time coming out because they fear not being accepted or don’t have someone to confide in. Having each other for support has probably made this process easier for both Jeffery and Tony and has helped them to be more comfortable with who they are. For Jeffery, having an openly gay grandfather probably greatly assisted him in coming out. Also, I bet it was an important experience for Tony, being able to support and relate to his grandson in his coming out process.
I wonder what it was like for Tony, knowing that he was gay, but not being able to open up because of social pressure. I wonder how he felt about getting married to a woman and having a family with her. Did he feel like he was lying to her, and himself, every single day? I’m sure he loved his wife very much, but was he unhappy most of the time because he wasn’t with someone that he was truly attracted to? I cannot fathom hiding something as large as sexual orientation for the majority of my lifetime. I do not doubt that he was thrilled about having children, but I wonder if he ever thought about what their futures would be like because of his orientation. Did he plan on eventually coming out, and did he consider how it would impact his kids? I know I would be uneasy about having children if I knew I would eventually put them in an uncomfortable situation like this.
More generally speaking, I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to find out that one of my parents was gay. Growing up in a traditional family with a female mother and male father, you assume that they are in a committed relationship and love each other unconditionally. It is very hard to think of this no longer being the case for my family, or for anyone’s family. Having one of your parents come out, ending their marriage, would be a shocking revelation for anyone, I’m sure. I think it’s safe to say that this is a topic that most people prefer not to consider too often. I was not taken aback by the class’s reaction to the “your parents could be gay” statement because I feel that nobody would like to imagine such a life altering experience happening to their family.
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