posted by Sam Richards
One often never knows who is and who is not LGBT. Just one of those things we all have to live with–sometimes literally. Meet Jeffrey and Tony Perri, grandson and father. Both gay and happy and living outside of the closet.
I unintentionally made a humorous reference to parents being gay in class a few weeks ago and someone who saw the clip on YouTube sent me a story that he heard on the radio. If you don’t remember what I said, you can check it out:
The interview from the radio is touching, especially when you know some people like Jeffrey and Tony. It’s definitely worth listening to. Just click on “Listen to the Story” at the top of the page after you click on THIS LINK.
So it’s actually a very cool story, but in a way that is ironically bittersweet. Had Tony had people in his life who were open about discussing homosexuality, he’d have been out of the closet in his youth — and Jeffrey would not be here because Tony would never have gotten married. I guess denial can be a good thing. It’s all perspective.
But in truth, it’s just nice to imagine elders in our midst who are open to discussing anything that comes to mind and with which young people struggle. What a world we have when that occurs.
I think this story is truly touching. In today’s world its a task to find an older person whose willing to get in touch with the younger generation. In this case it’s even more shocking because the situation is about homosexuality. I give the grandfather so much credit and admire his honesty. Though its still a struggle, “coming out” is much more accepted than it was, say even 25 years ago. I’m humbled by the two mens sincerity. It is true that America has become much more tolerant of different sexual orientations, but some families are still not accepting of it. The problem is that gay people do not want their relationships with people they are not interested sexually in to change in any way and they do not want people to think any differently of them. Of course thinking differently is inevitable considering the actuality of the circumstance, but it can be easily overcome for most people by just simply sitting down and talking about the problem. It shows openness that many relationships lack. There is such a lack of support from society as a whole in regards to homosexuals. If everyone were as open as these two men and as accepting as a proper society should be, I do not believe that people who are gay would find it as difficult to come out of the closet. Jeffery is a much more blessed man than many may realize. Though he may have struggled to keep his homosexuality hidden for many years, he did get to experience many other wonderful things: loving a woman and marrying her and having children of his very own to love and watch grow up. He also got to experience the joy of freedom in coming out of the closet and finally getting to be who he truly is. Toni is a very lucky grandson, not only because Jeffery was in a hetero relationship long enough to give rise to Toni, but also because he has such an inspiring and courageous hero to look up to. After hearing that this story was told over the radio I am sure that many people had something to say about this gay grandfather and grandson. After having lived in a world where gay is something talked about often and peoples views on the subject I am sure that some people may think that the grandfather coming out to the grandson may have influenced his decision to be gay. However I think that being gay is not a decision that a person makes. Sexual preference isn’t a choice. I had a guidance counslor who was gay and when asking him when he knew he was gay he responded with “When did you know you were straight?”. Point well taken.
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Hello!
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After reading this story, it’s good to see someone from back in the day accept someone close to them as being LGBT. Coming out of the closet might be one of the hardest things one would have to do. A person would have to tell their parents, close friends, and their family. Having being accepted for who they are for their lifestyle lived so far, it’s tough to go out and tell people very close to you, “Hey, I like people who are the same gender as me.” I know if I were in the situation it would be very tough for me to do it, I couldn’t even imagine trying. The feeling of being accepted is one of the most wanted things in society. Think back to your high school days and how you would want to be accepted for who you are, you would want friends who liked you for who you are and you would like acquaintances to not think badly of you at all. Being accepted is one trait that everybody strives for and in this case, it is very hard to come out and be accepted as gay. That is why I think this story is so good and unique. You never find stories like this ever. Mostly, you hear stories on how parents totally disconnect from their children because they are LGBT. I find that very dumb because at the end of the day, they are your children and you should accept them for who they are, no matter what their sexual orientation is. So, it is nice to see a story like this come out and I hope for this to provide a great example on how to make good of the situation, though this situation is very unique.
The uniqueness of this story is what made me write a blog about this post. How many times have you heard of a story that has a gay father and gay son come out and tell their loved ones and the public that they were gay? I bet you haven’t heard of one instance. This is why I like this story. Imagine being Tony Perri back in his day. The social standard was to be straight and nothing else. Imagine what he had to live through within himself to keep from coming out just because the social standard was against what he feels and believes. I couldn’t even imagine trying to keep something so important to me inside of my own brain. An even amazing fact to me is that Tony went through a typical straight man’s life and had Jeffrey as a child. If Tony had in fact went with the lifestyle that he chose, his son Jeffrey would not be here today.
It’s very cool to see elders open to discussing whatever topics with their children, especially a topic which is very hard to talk about. If parents were as open with their children as in this example, we wouldn’t hear so many stories about how kids were basically abandoned by their parents because they were gay.
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Coming out is probably one of the hardest obstacles to face. Many of my friends had a hard time telling their friends and family. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for someone to know they are attracted to the same sex and live into adulthood with a spouse of the opposite sex who they truly aren’t in love with. It’s a shame that some people find it difficult, especially if the reason is that their families are not accepting of that particular lifestyle.
Homosexuality has become more socially accepted than in previous years. However, there are many people who are very against the gay lifestyle, and they usually grow up thinking this way and later teach their children to think the same. Coming out is hard especially if you think your community will look at you differently. In my hometown, people are generally accepting, but there are many people who discriminate as well. The day my friend Steve came out of the closet, I accepted it almost immediately. I was shocked but I didn’t look at him in any different way. Coming out to his family, he said, was extremely difficult because he didn’t know what to expect or how they would react. Thankfully, they were completely accepting and supportive. On the other hand, my friend Matt had a much tougher time. He lives in a strict Italian household where his father is literally the epitome of Tony Soprano. He heard his father discriminate against the gays from a young age. So when Matt realized that he was gay, he didn’t tell anyone. He actually tried to change himself and the way he felt because he didn’t think he would be supported. When he left for college, he e-mailed his parents and came out to them. His mom called him crying and his father was in complete denial. After that, he barely spoke to his parents for weeks because he felt awkward. His mom is now more accepting of his homosexuality but his father still has a hard time with it.
I will never understand what the big deal is with classifying yourself as LGBT. We live in a world today where a good amount of the population is gay and there’s no going back. People should just be accepting and let others live their lives the way they see fit and love who they want to love. It’s not just a phase or an act. Not being accepting or supportive of the gay community only makes us worse off. People make it too big of a deal by discriminating. I call these people immature because it reminds me of elementary school and the “popular crowd” picking on the “nerdy crowd.” It’s pointless and doesn’t get you anywhere so why not be accepting?
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This blog post made me think about a conversation that happened in my recitation on Monday. We were discussing the struggles that LGBT people have with coming out and how their struggles are similar to those who are discriminated against because of race. We were weighing the options of how these different levels and types of discrimination can sometimes have the same emotional effect on people. One person in my section brought up the point that confessing to your family that you are gay can pose the threat of losing everyone in your life that you love. Although our society is becoming increasingly more accepting of homosexuality, there are still plenty of people out there who would probably be very upset if they found out their children were gay. This is why it makes it so difficult for young people to come out to their parents, because when you are in your late teens and early twenties, all you have ever known is your family and parents and the fear of losing that unconditional love may be too much for you to take. The way that this ties in with race relations and discrimination is that many people face the same struggles when deciding whether or not to confess to their families that they are dating outside of their race. The risk of bringing home a boyfriend or girlfriend that is not the same race or culture as your family is something that causes a lot of friction even in households today. I know that when I was dating my ex-boyfriend and we were of different races I was reluctant and a little apprehensive about telling my parents, not because they are some overtly racist people, but because we live in a town that is basically 99% white. Fortunately, I come from a family that is very understanding and doesn’t subscribe to the normal attitudes that come along with living in a small town. But, the point that I’m trying to draw is that there are similarities within every case of discrimination and that if we try to compete and figure out whose struggles are worse we are missing the point that is imperative here: Everyone struggles, the remedy is to realize each other’s struggles and be sympathetic. Why deny someone the right that you have been fighting so long and hard to achieve? I see this as a major turning point in society if we are going to get past blaming each other for injustices, we have to sympathize with each other and learn that injustice is injustice, and no matter what situation you are placed in you have to be able to relate and accept one another’s struggles.
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Alexandra De Marco
Journal
When Sam Richards made remarks in class about our parents potentially being gay, it was a bit shocking to hear. However, after watching the video on the blog, it made a lot more sense. It is true that about four percent of the population is in fact gay and will not come out until later in life. I think it was shocking for the class to hear, because being gay is still something that the community at large is becoming more open to. Because being gay used to be such a negative thing, people were afraid to come out and got married because of their fears. They lived their life in constant denial and always had to pretend to me someone they are not. Even in the story about Tony and his Grandfather, the Grandfather was scared to come out and came out after having a family. Therefore, this obviously is something that goes on amongst the population as a whole, so when Sam Richards made the comment during lecture, he was just using statics.
Sam made in an interesting point in his blog about Tony and his Grandfather in regards to children. If his Grandfather had come out of the closet before he ever had kids (Tony’s own father) then Tony in essence would have never existed. It was interesting to think about after reading the blog. Sam ended that proportion by saying that denial can sometimes be a good thing. In this case that is true, however we must look at the picture as a whole and understand what life must be like struggling to come out. I cannot imagine living my life in fear of being who I really was. This is something that gays must live with if they are afraid to come out of the closet. This is unfair and unjust and I hope that one day we can all see one another as equals and there will not be this constant fear.
During that same lecture about how some parents could potentially be gay, we discussed both gay and black people and which life would be more difficult to live. I understand that the issues about race have come a long way and feel that today it would be more difficult to be gay. Because black or brown people cannot hide their skin color and somewhat be themselves, gay people have a more difficult life at the moment because they are generally in fear of coming out and letting people know their true selves. Also, because we have come a long way and various laws have been past against racial discrimination, gays cannot benefit from those rules and therefore have it more difficult throughout their everyday lives.
In conclusion, I enjoyed reading the short blog post about coming out of the closet. I thought the idea of our parents being gay was much thought provoking as well.
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Coming out of the closet can be a very difficult thing to do. Going through life knowing that you have a secret and cannot tell anyone or afraid to tell anyone can put a lot of strain on a person’s life. It goes to show how judgmental our society can be about someone who may be a little “different” from who you are. No one’s life should be a secret or have to hide their true feelings from the world.
The radio show interview is proof of how real people have to hide their feelings. Toni Perri was seventeen years old and knew that he was different. That is a pretty young age, but there is no age limit when a persons feelings develop. When he told a priest he got the impression that he had to hide his feelings by thinking he would not be accepted by society. He went through life as a straight man for many years and married and had children. In my opinion, I am glad Toni finally came out to his wife and children, so he could live the life he has wanted to and his family can live fair lives as well. I guess you can say in Toni’s situation that it was good he hid his feelings for so long, because his grandson, Jeffery, was born and now shares that same feelings as his grandfather. In the interview, Jeffery says that Toni is his role model. I believe this is a good thing, because he has someone to look up to and knows at least one person accepts him for who he is. If Toni had had a person like himself towards his grandson, then maybe he would not have hidden his true feelings for so many years.
I have a few friends that are part of LGBT community. My own stepbrother is gay and has had open relationships. A few friends and co-workers have also come “out of the closet” to me and have had relationships. I was raised to never judge people just because they are different from me. The LGBT community does not bother me. I just look at it as; they probably think I am a little weird for not liking the same sex. Anyways, it does not bother me that they want to have a different experience than I. The only thing that worries me about my stepbrother or my friends and co-workers being open about their relationships is how society will look at them. It is a horrible thing that most of society still does not accept the LGBT community and acts out against them. I feel that people should be free to be who they are, and not have anyone prevent them from doing so.
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I think that this is a wild story. It is pretty crazy that a man who would stay in the closet all his life would grow up to have a gay grandson and share this type of a relationship with him. Although they are both gay men they went through very different things. For Tony I think that coming out of the closet was a lot more difficult because of the era he lived in. Back in the day people were not as open to homosexuality as they are today. I’m not saying coming out of the closet was easy for Jeffrey, but it was just a very different time period. Back then it seemed as if it was not something people wouldn’t even like to talk about, where as today gay people feel comfortable about telling people that they are gay. I mean times have changed! You know times have changed when our society allows two men to kiss on cable television!
I think that it was important for Tony to finally come out of the closet, even though he waited such a long time to do it. It is not right for a person to live a lie. You only get one shot at life and as Sam Richards says, “your dead and nothing else matters. Your dead”. So I guess the point I’m making is, do what makes you happy; don’t do something because you feel that other people will detest you if you do it.
After class today I was thinking why are people homophobic? Sam was right it is because they are not confident with their sexuality. It shouldn’t make a difference what people do behind close doors; they have their own right to do what they want just as you have the same right to do what you want. If making fun of someone for being a homosexual makes you feel better about yourself than you must not have a high self esteem.
I think that these past classes have made me feel differently about gays. Now, I do not feel so uncomfortable about the topic because who cares if they are gay, it doesn’t affect me in any way! Maybe we are so open about it because it is 2009 and not the 60’s or 70’s idk?
Back to the story about the grandson and grandfather. As hard as it is for a gay person to come out of the closet, I think that Jeffrey was lucky in a way that he had his grandfather to look up to and talk to about their situation. I mean it must be rough to be the only one in your family struggling with something that no one else could relate too, so I think that he was very fortunate to have Tony as a resource.
In conclusion, I think that we can all learn a few things about this story. We can learn that it is important to be who you are (don’t hide who you are no matter what), don’t put someone down just because they are different from you (if it doesn’t effect you why make fun of them), and most importantly you only live once so do what makes you happy!
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So today’s lecture was based on Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues in todays society. I found it to be a very interesting discussion even though Sam sometimes gave too much information to some of the topics but all together it was very eye opening. I remember the first time I ever learned what gay meant. I was standing in the kitchen of my home where I still live today and my mother had just thrown out the newspaper. On the cover was an article about how some politician came out being gay. Back then I think more people were shocked than if we were to hear the same story today. Nevertheless, my mother taught me growing up that we should accept all people no matter what situation they are in. My mother kept reassuring me that no matter what I was she would still love me. Though her words were kind I never really believed her.
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I think this story was very enlightening considering that many people view homosexuality as a negative thins. Although I went to twelve years of Catholic schooling, my high school graduating class had about five gay men. I was personally not very close to them but I was aware of the difficulty it took them to “come out of the closet”. For a long time it was whispered about and laughed about until they finally admitted it. I think it was the bravest move someone can do. I think it was awesome that the young guy in the video had another family member to talk to about being gay. It seemed as though he automatically had his love and support. Although the rest of his family would have been supportive, his grandfather knew what it felt like to hide it because it felt wrong to come out of the closet. At the time his grandfather was not able to express his sexuality therefore, his life couldn’t be more different if he had come out when in confession. In a way I wish I could be as close with my grandmother or grandfather through the same situation. Unfortunately, we are close but not in they way those two are. I admire their special relationship and in a way, I think the grandfather marrying a woman and having grandchildren was fate. Though he didn’t want to live his life the way he had, in a lie, he is the one who can now tell him it’s ok to be truthful. I agree with another post written that said they were confused about why it takes the LGBT so long to come out. I know there is much discrimination they must face but in the end, they are ultimately happy that their lives aren’t a lie. At the time Tony wanted to come out homosexuality was completely frowned upon. Now, I feel as though times are different. Today, people are more accepting if another person is attracted to their on sex. I think in most circumstances, they are respected more.
Personally, I don’t have anyone in my family who is gay or bi but I feel like if any of my cousins came to me and told me I would be understanding and supportive. I cant say that they would feel comfortable telling me because we have different sexual preferences but I think that I, as well has the rest of my family would be accepting. I also can’t say that I would ever judge someone who is gay because until I walk a mile in their shoes, I have no idea what it is like. Overall, I feel bad for those who struggle with it and hope this story inspires them to do what Tony and Jeffery did.
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Even though this blog was posted last week, I feel I should respond to it after listening to this Thursday’s lecture from Sam. This is a very touching story. I think it is very interesting to think that if Tony were to come out earlier in his life, then he would not have his grandson Jeffery, or even his own son. Like Sam said, denial was a good thing in this case. But I don’t think that is the point of the story. Tony says how he came out to his grandson when he was 9 years old, which is a pretty young age to know something like that. I know it would be a shock to me if I found out my grandfather was gay. Yet, of course I would still accept it. That is what this class really has been teaching me, not just about race but sexual orientation as well. I have come to realize everyone really is the same, it does not matter what they look like or who they are attracted to. I used to be somewhat homophobic. And when Sam says how he always hears guys saying how they don’t want to get hit on. I guess I have felt that way before. But in reality, I don’t see it happening at like a party. It would probably happen somewhere in a setting where there are a lot gay guys and it wouldn’t be out of line to hit on a guy. And honestly, even though I would say no, I wouldn’t say it in a rude homophobic way. I guess I would take it as a compliment. This guy is attracted to me, which means there is a good change a girl would think I am attractive. With that being said, recently my friends and I have befriended these girls down the hall from us. They are friends with some gay guys who come over sometimes. Whenever they are there, I really try to be nice to them and treat them like they should be treated. I actually get kind of mad if one of my friends says something about them. And I think I act this way now because what I have learned in Sam’s class. But anyway, I think this was a cool story to read/listen to. It shows how much an inspiration our elders can be sometimes, and that’s a great thing. I’m sure Tony and Jeffery have a very close relationship that most grandfathers and grandsons probably don’t have. In conclusion, I think it sometimes takes personal experience to accept when someone is gay. However, I am not talking about myself, or everyone. I am saying, when a homophobe’s friend comes out to him, that will change that homophobe’s perspective on gays forever.
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Today’s talk on homosexuality and the LGBTA community was very interesting and enlightening. I am one of those people who believe I’m extremely straight and comfortable with my sexuality. There were times in class where I shook my head in disproval at what Sam was suggesting about homosexuality especially regarding religion. There were also times when I sat there speechless after a point because I didn’t have a good reason to oppose homosexuality. The general topic of homosexuality is uncomfortable me to talk about because I am extremely unfamiliar with gay people. Going into the class, I definitely leaned more toward the opinion that gays make the “choice” to be gay, although I knew it was not that simple. Before Sam’s discussion I also always thought how “unnatural” gay sex is. People and all other mammals alike, are meant to reproduce with each other. It’s really difficult for me to understand literally how gay people have sex; and how they are attracted to each other sexually. Anyway, as class started I was first forced to analyze my own “sins”. I admit I am a sinner (especially in college) and am guilty of thinking that some sins are more acceptable than others. I’m sure that many people of all races, religions, and sexual preferences point the finger at others for sins they themselves are not guilty of. I was taught homosexuality is a sin, but now I don’t know what I think. As class went on the question of morality and sexuality came up. I a fairly religious person, I do think homosexuality is morally wrong. The conversation today forced me to stop and think about why I feel that way about the gay community. I am very scatter brained right now because there are just so many things I was thinking about in class about being gay. Are all of us really just a little bit gay? Are people really born that way or do some choose it for reasons of attention, acceptance, etc.? Why can’t science explain why gay people are gay!? I just wish I had answers although some of the answers may scare me. I don’t know anyone growing up who was gay. I didn’t ever see the “signs” that typically one little boy shows of being gay at a young age. Apparently lots of people in class had that experience. If I had experiences with members of the gay community, I feel I would be able to accept it better. I hope we keep discussing the topic in class because it really does help when the issue of homosexuality is brought to light by someone as open, clever, and self confident as Sam. It makes it easier for me to openly think about it and talk about it. Although class was really interesting and I had a great time learning other people’s perspectives, however, I still feel it may be awhile before I can find some understanding of the gay community.
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Our world is harsh. There are people that are open to whatever makes a person happy in life and then there are people who think they know what is best for everybody else. The latter tend to accept or reject people because of their own reasoning. Without any prior knowledge of a person, he or she can be deemed “different” or “wrong” in that one person’s eyes. Yes, everybody is different, but nobody is ever truly wrong. If you are right in your own eyes, than you can not be wrong.
This is how the population generally acts towards those who are gay or in same-sex relationships. A great deal of people see this as “wrong” for a multitude of reasons; because those people live a “straight” life, because the Bible says it’s wrong, because they were brought up to see it as wrong, as well as many other reasons. Well, I am straight and I know that I could never truly understand the life of someone who is gay, so why judge them without knowing? Why do people believe they have the right to do this?
The story of Tony Perri and his grandson Jeffrey is a story that shows the type of discrimination people who are gay face in the world. Tony confided his secret with only 1 person for many years before wanting to come out with the truth to his wife; imagine just how extremely difficult that was for him. To tell somebody a thing like that must be insanely tough. Major props to him for doing that, and even more for telling his family as well. Now his grandson has someone who he can relate to. Imagine if Tony never came out and was still in the closet; just where would Jeffrey be?
One of my roommates last year came out to my other roommates and me in the middle of the year; we were some of the first people to know that he was gay, even before his parents. We were touched that he felt close enough to us to tell us this and were proud that he made such a huge step in feeling comfortable enough with himself to do such a thing. It didn’t alter how we looked at him one bit. Not a single thing changed and he knew he had our support. Why can’t the world be like that?
If you couldn’t already tell, I have no problem with gay relationships or marriage. I’m not abut to tell anybody how to live their life or who they are allowed to love. What type of power do I have to do so? Exactly. So why judge people in this manner? I say love who you want. There may be issues along the way and some people may or may not support you. As long as you know that you are right and they are wrong, then live your life how you intend to.
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When you hear about people who are struggling with their feelings internally and must also take into account outside forces that are telling them to do something different from how they feel, it’s really sad and depressing. I say that it’s sad and depressing because for me, I feel like people should be able to love whoever they want and it shouldn’t matter what other people have to say about it. They aren’t the ones in the relationship, it’s you and whoever you choose to be with that must put all the effort and love into making things work. The fact that the grandfather realized that he couldn’t stand being in a marriage because he knew he was attracted to guys is a clear indication that people don’t choose whether they love someone of the same sex or someone from the opposite sex. Homosexuals do not choose their lifestyle because who wants to willingly subject themselves to the prejudice they face constantly? I understand the idea that without the grandfather being in the marriage, the grandson would not be present. But, wouldn’t that have spared many feelings from being hurt or from the grandfather from feeling constantly that he is not living an honest life? I mean I cannot imagine having a family and always feeling guilty that although you truly love your spouse and love being a parent, you still have feelings inside of you that you are not supposed to let out because of how other people may react to it. When Tony Perri confessed to the priest that he was gay, the priest simply told him not to tell anyone about it and in a sense to just ignore it and not act upon those feelings. Someone knew that Tony was experiencing an internal conflict and the only advice they could give him was to keep it inside. The only outcome that would result from this is a breakdown in the near future. Although I do not know what it feels like to be in a closet, I can’t imagine keeping a secret that big from my loved ones. It’s saddening that in the middle of his life, once he was already married and had children, he would just have to give it up because he didn’t feel right living his life dishonestly. However, through his internal struggles, he does seem to have helped out his grandson and served as a role model for him. Seeing what his grandfather went through would have been inspirational for anyone because he actually had the courage to tell his wife and his children and his grandchildren that he was gay. Times were different back then and it was almost nearly impossible to express one’s sexual orientation. Nowadays, I think it’s a little bit easier to outwardly express that you choose to spend the rest of your life with someone who is of your same sex. Instead of confessing to priests and other people who believe that homosexuality is wrong, people should talk to others with experience with the situation or those with the understanding that homosexuality is not a choice. Though there is still discrimination against homosexuals, I believe that seeing someone who was in your same position be happy with the decision of being themselves initially motivates others to come forth with their decision and choose to follow their hearts instead of other people’s judgments.
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I think that when one person finally realizes their sexual preference, it is the most life changing moment. However, when one realizes they are gay it can also be the scariest moment. I have a friend who is still in High School. He is one of those people whom you know is gay before they come out. He is always very concerned with his outward appearance, and you can tell he is not so comfortable with himself. All changed when he “semi-came out” to my best friend. He told her that he had been hanging out with another boy who had been out, and really felt comfortable. Since he is in high school he very protective over his image, and is always looking to what society thinks is appropriate. My town is not the most “diverse” so a high school student coming out might change how his friends perceived him. A couple weeks ago I went to visit my friend in UMASS. He asked to come with me so I agreed to let him come. He immediately felt uncomfortable when my other guy friends came as well, scared they were going to judge him. However, when we got to UMASS that quickly changed. I went out with a group of my home friends and my younger friend from high school went to a “theater party” with another girl form my high school. At that particular party, he felt comfortable enough to freely hook up with other males. Although he figures most people know he is most likely a homosexual, he still tries to cover it up, by occasionally hooking up with woman. I find this to be terrible, there is no reason that he should have to cover up who he is, to persuade people he is a straight male.
For my friend at least, I am pretty confident that he will wait till college to be openly gay. I think he feels the college offers a broader group of people whom can accept him the way he is, rather than the select few in high school. This composes a serious question. Why are people, specifically in the younger generations, so hesitant to come out? I feel that unless it’s your life, you should not have a say in they way other people live. Why should it matter that two men or two women are in love? Does it really affect you? I mean the obvious answer should be that same-sex relations shouldn’t affect you. However, with this said there are many hate groups and people whom oppose same-sex marriage, which makes it very difficult for people to come out. Overall we have allowed society to create a place where people are unable to feel comfortable in the body they are. I find it horrible that homosexuals cannot freely express who they are. If the world can conquer the hate that we sometimes find comes with homosexuality, the LGBT community could come out of the closet with less hardships and fear of rejection.
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I feel incredibly bad that these two men have had to go through feeling alone and left out, the grandfather especially. I mean, he went to a priest and even the priest told him to be careful about whom he tells that to (that he is gay). I do not know how he was able to go through all of that—not really being able to tell anyone, not even a priest.
From talking about gays and lesbians in class, it really made me think about everything they go through. I must admit, what made me not have as much sympathy for them was the great amount of people who claimed to be bisexual, and labeled themselves as it in order to seem “cool”, at least to my belief. But now, I just feel incredibly stupid for even thinking like that. I realize that wow, there are a lot of bisexuals and it should not be taken as serious as it is taken today. As for gays and lesbians—wow. Like I said, I really cannot even imagine how it is living in their shoes. I think it is great that Jeff was able to come out to his grandfather. It is funny though, because Jeff said that his grandfather was not the first person he came out to, and his reason for not doing so also made me think. That is yet another psychological thing that gays have to go through. The feeling of coming out, whether the person is gay or straight! One would think it would be extremely simple, but no, it is apparently not.
I feel like more and more people are becoming acceptable in regards to people being homosexual. Yet, there are still people who are strongly against it. It is so hard to believe that people do not accept others for who they really are; like people choose whether or not they want to be gay or straight. Seriously though, who would want to have to go through being discriminated, laughed at, made fun of, or verbally abused? And honestly, I am sure that that is not all that homosexuals go through. They also have to deal with people constantly telling them that they are going to hell and what they are doing is a sin. But again, they have no control over this…don’t people understand? I guess not.
I do believe that as the years progress, homosexuals will be more accepted, but it still bugs me knowing that there will always be people who are strongly against being homosexual and homosexual marriage. I do not know how long it will take for gay marriage to be tolerated or accepted in every state, but I am hoping that that time will come sooner than later.
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I think Jeffrey and Tony Perri did the right thing. So if you are homosexual do not be ashamed of yourself. One day it going to show up, so don’t force yourself to keep it inside. I learned from my experience, if you kept everything to yourself and do not share you’re feeling with anyone, the pain inside will force you to do thing that you will regret in the future. A year ago, I lost my best friend she always helps whenever I needed, and she was the only one friend I have in school. Sadly, her sister is the one who always is picking on me, and she talk behind my back all the time. Then I guess she side up with her sister and don’t even say anything to me again. I am so disappointed when my best friend ignoring me, but I never talk to anyone about my feeling. Day by day, I started to feel so depress and do not even go to school, because I am ashamed to see her and her sister. A couple of months later, I open it up to counselor to talk about the problem between me and my best friend. Just the first ten second of the conversation I feel so release. I finally so much better and I attend school regularly. If I would not open it up, I would never be able to graduate from high school to go on to college. So sometime you got to share your feeling in order to release the pain inside of you. To be honest, I have many gay friends and they seem to be very happy because they already show that they are gay by acting it out. For example, I have a friend in an elementary school; he is so cute and handsome. I still remember one rainy day when I was waiting for the bus without an umbrella, and I was so wet and cold. While waiting for the bus he was walking by and says “Here take my umbrella be careful don’t get sick,” and he just continues walk in the rain. After that day I have a feeling for him, so I went up to him and told him that I like him. Three day later he told me that he is gay. I was so shock but I am glad that he told me the truth. As a result, I think people who are homosexual should not be afraid to show yourself in public. Just be like Jeffrey and his grandfather Tony Perri they being them self. So they don’t have to act differently in the public. I think the only way to solve homosexual problem is to be who are.
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Coming out of the closet is definitely not an easy thing to do. You will be scared that the society will accept you or not. That’s why most people choose to hide who they are because they want to fit in and be accepted. I do not think that it’s wrong at all for a person to be gay and choose to live his or her life like that. It’s not like they can choose whether they want to be homosexual or straight. They were just born like that (at least for some). I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends back at home. I went to all girls’ high school until 9th grade and a lot of my friends are lesbians or bisexual. They actually did not hide who they are and just be what they are. One of the reasons is probably because homosexual are accepted from where I am from. They are just as good as any other people, or sometimes even better. I do not find it is hard at all to be around them even though I know that they like girls.
To be able to come out from the closet, the person needs to feel secure enough. I don’t think anyone would come out if they feel insecure. Like Jeffery and tony for example. He decided to tell everyone that he’s gay when he’s that old. I guess he just felt more comfortable to come out at this age. I kind of think its good though that he did not do it earlier. His family might not be able to handle that fact if they are still young. It is probably easier for them to accept when they are older, when they actually understand how the world works. But it is also sad that they had to hide who they are for pretty much almost their entire lives. They could not really be who they are in public because they were scared that people will judge. They did not have enough courage to do such a thing. I think if they were able to do this earlier then I am sure that their lives would probably be a lot happier. I am not saying that they do not have happy lives now, just that it could be better. If I am gay, it will probably be hard for me too to tell my parents that. I do not know how well they will take it. And it will be even harder to tell the grandparents because their generations were so conservative.
But after all this, I think a person should have the right to live as who they are and don’t have to hide themselves because that is like wearing a mask.
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I am lucky. I have never really been restricted from being myself or felt unaccepted by a large group. Not everyone is going to like you, but I never felt like society was against me to the same degree many minorities may have. I am sure that Tony’s story is not uncommon among men and women of this period, who used the charade of father and husband to cover up their condemned “gayness.” Its very easy to lie to yourself and others when the risk of being an outcaste is so great. It is sad that Tony wasn’t able to come out when he was younger and truly be himself, but in this case it did allow him to have a family and ultimately have this strong connection with his gay grandson. I think that it is very touching how Tony is able to relate to his grandson, Josh and serve as a role model for him, it probably made coming out a little easier on him. Regardless I think coming out can always have its difficulties and having that extra support can make things more bearable. What Sam said in class about at least someone’s parent in the class is probably gay kind of made sense. There has to be another Tony out there and in fact they may even be closer than we think. It makes me think of the movie “The Hours” where these women in all different time period dealt with being gay in secret and how it affected their lives. There are other countless examples of people even political figures who came out later in life. When Sam asked the question “how many of you do not have a gay friend?” and only one guy answered. If the number is that high how can there be that many against it? I think that when people look at things on an individual level rather than a general group I think they would end up being more accepting of people’s differences and have a more open mind. I hope that people see that it is not always a choice to be different and understand that even though it may be hard to accept, it is probably even harder for those people. I have a lesbian cousin who recently got married and is now pregnant. My family is more on the conservative side and when they found out she was gay no one stopped talking to her or overly disapproved, but I think it was more of a general confusion cause now the “one of them’s” was one of us. It is easy to criticize another group when no one you know is in it, once someone you care about is, it becomes harder.
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After today’s lecture in class I thought about homosexuality completely. I never realized how similar homosexuals and heterosexuals are closely related. I am not homophobic what so ever, but I will admit that I would have never sat down and really thought about the comparisons between the two. I am one of the millions of people in the world who has a homosexual family member and friend. There are lots of people who claim to be homophobic but at the same time they have of member of their family who is apart of the gay and lesbian community. I absolutely would not consider myself to be homophobic simply because some of my close friends are gay. At the same I will admit that it may be hard to accept my children being homosexual. Some may consider me to be a hypocrite but everything is not always what it seems when the outside is looking in.
I say that because of the situation with the older man in the article “The Surprise of Coming Out.” Many people might question as to why he stayed in the closet for so many years before deciding to come out. As Sam mentioned in class about how many of his friends that came out later in life never showed any signs of being gay. I am almost positive that may have been the same issue with the older man in the article. The majority of my friends and family members how are either gay or lesbian has always shown signs of being homosexual. The reason for being might have differed from person to person though. However, some of them had been molested as children and others just claimed to have been born that way. But they all have always shown the “gaydar” signs so to say. I can recall some my conversations with my gay and lesbian friends about why they all waited so long to come out the closet. They all always seemed to have had the same answer which was that they were all afraid of how their families would react.
I am sure that the older guy in the article reason for coming out so late is more than likely the same reason. The only difference is that he had established a family once he realized that he was not happy as heterosexual man. Some people may not agree with me but I agree with his decision to stay hidden in the closet for so long. Unlike men, women seem to be more acceptable of homosexuality. Being that the older man may have had a son I understand how hard it may have been for him to wait until his children were grown to admit to them that he has always been a gay man. I believe that he admitted to his grandson that he was gay at such a young age because he probably seen the same signs in his grandson that he seen in himself. He Although they did not touch upon that idea in their interview I am sure that was the case.
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The other day I met someone who was gay and open about it. He was a very happy with both his life and his partner of nearly eight months. I am always interested in intently listening to the stories of gays and lesbians and even all of the struggles they face or will face. It was crazy to listen to his story; both him and his partner we both out about their sexuality with their friends, family, and known throughout the community. Of course both of them faced struggles (the majority of which came from expressing that he was gay to his alcoholic father), but together they were able to get through those struggles and maintain a happy relationship. He explained to me that recently his partner’s younger brother came out to the both of them, he knew that it would be easier to discuss this with two close individuals who have already gone through the struggles he would soon be facing. But he just wasn’t quite ready to come out to their parents. He knew that he would struggle, but he knew that he could confide in people who were just like him.
…I hate how people are treated differently because of whom they may be attracted to. It just is not right to be judged by something I believe you do not choose. I think that you are born gay. It is just something that happens. Many people say that they realized that they were gay at a young age, such as, when young boys wanted to play with dolls rather than play a game of catch with the boys. So, how can someone say at such a young age a child would choose to be gay, that a young boy was capable of making such a life altering decision. It just does not make much sense. But yet, LGBT individuals are constantly criticized and put through hell because of their sexual preferences. It is not fair.
You cannot judge someone regarding some decision that they themselves have no control over, and even if they did have the decision to choose to be and LGBT individual what gives you the right to judge them?! Every individual in this world is unique and different in their own way, and no one person has the right to judge someone because of how they act, what they look like, or even what they believe. But, we are definitely all guaranteed the right to be open and learn new things about people who may or may not be just like you.
We were all put on this earth to live and grow as a world, which means to face struggles together and triumph together. Let’s start making that happen.
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I too find this story to be very interesting. I would imagine that it is one of the hardest things in life to come out of the closet. Especially for Tony who grew up during a time that this subject was almost impossible to discuss with anyone. He even came out to a priest who basically told him to lie for the next 17 years of his life. As Sam said, I guess it is fortunate that he waited so long because he was able to have children and grandchildren. Now he gets to be the support of Jeffrey who is also going through the same lifestyle that he has gone through. I truly believe that Tony would rather have it the way it is now rather than if he had come out during his youth. As for Jeffrey, times have changed and people are a little more open about being gay. However, for those who do not really believe in gay rights or for those who are just uncomfortable around gay people it can still seem like something is wrong. The truth is people are born the way they are; we’ve known this for centuries. So why are there so many people who hate against the LGBT? The problem is most of us have been raised to follow certain standards. We learn early in life that anything different is something to stay away from. And give parents some credit. I understand that it is probably very difficult to explain what gay is to young children. But at some point, I’m sure that they can figure it out. It is just like the race discussion. If a child is raised to dislike a certain race then they will probably dislike that race their whole life. They may even commit some kind of hate crime against that race. So if you are raised to dislike homosexuals then the same rule applies. It bothers me that some people still cannot accept others – even if they are friends or family – if they are gay. You constantly hear the story of a son or daughter coming out to their parents and then having their parents disown them. In fact, there was a story a few years earlier about a West Virginia University coach (I think) that has had his parents cut off contact with him completely. That is crazy to me. The people that have raised you and have loved you your whole life just decide not to speak to you ever again. The university also either came close to firing him or actually did so when he came out. It is that kind of attitude that is unacceptable in this world. There is a lot of things that need to change.
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It’s sad that “coming out of the closet” is one of the hardest things gay and lesbian people face in our world today. With learning so much and coming so far in society, it makes you think, how far have we really come? How would you feel if you were gay or lesbian and it was looked down upon to be in love with someone of the own race, when your brother or sister is straight and happily in love. You still have that first crush, giddy, honeymoon feeling, but in your case because you’re homosexual, it’s not acceptable and you cannot be true to it.
Not coming out and being married to someone in a heterosexual relationship can also be one of the hardest things for a homosexual person to do. Having to live a lie your whole life, marry someone you don’t love, and then have children with that spouse takes an emotional toll on someone. They are never truly happy, and if you look in Maslow’s Hierarchy, that’s close to the bottom to reach the next level, and far from ‘self-actualization’ level.
It is clear that it is a lot easier for someone to come out if their parents are accepting because your parents who usually who you look up to and look to for acceptance. If I were to homosexual, the first people I’d look to, to support me are my family. I am in one of those families that it would be extremely difficult to come out. There is no one in my family who is gay and it would be hard to accept because my family is very traditional in their Greek Orthodox religion. That is not an excuse, but it is what it is and thankfully for myself, I’m not homosexual, nor is anyone in my family. I’m not sure how I’d feel if I had a child who was homosexual. Time will tell and fortunately for me, I have time.
I have gay friends, and I think it’s great that they are openly gay. They have the courage and strength that not many people have to live true to their feelings in our society and culture at such a young age. That’s why it’s so sad that some people wait decades to come out of the closet until they cannot take it anymore or are finally ready to just come out.
I think that’s what is so unique about the story about Jeffery and Tony. They have such a great age gap, however, they’re both on the same level of their sexuality. I think it’s great that they are both out and are able to turn to each other. You always need a support system, and I think it’s great if it is within your family.
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The story regarding the grandfather and grandson both coming out and being gay was very interesting to me. As Sam points out, if it hadn’t been so socially unacceptable for him to come out of the closet back in the day, Jeffrey wouldn’t be here and neither would his father. I don’t know why but that kind of stuff just really makes me stop and put things in perspective.
I have always been very accepting of people who are gay, especially if they have the courage to come out and say it. I can’t even imagine having to face such a terrifying dilemma in a society that still does not consider it to be completely “normal” to be “different.” But this story puts an extra little twist on the cliché phrase “coming out of the closet.”
In retrospect, if being homosexual were more accepted a couple of decades ago, how many people that we know wouldn’t be here? Would people have seized the opportunity of living in a slightly more accepting society (more like today, at least when compared to the past) and stated openly their sexuality?
During class when Sam made the joke about some of the people in the class having gay parents, it was one big joke that I feel no one actually took seriously; well unless your parents are openly gay right now. But it turns out he may actually have a valid point. They grew up around the same time as Tony, or at least in a time that had similar values and viewpoints about the subject of being gay.
We may never know how many people of the previous and present generations are secretly homosexual because it is still not fully accepted in our world today. But this story tells a unique tale that prior to reading it, I had never given any thought to.
Even if it’s not considered universally O.K. to be out of the closet, huge steps have been made from previous years where even talking about such a thing was considered taboo. I admire both of these men for their courage to take on the world and force them to reconsider their judgments on gay people. They are literal representations of a new dawning where it wouldn’t be so frowned upon to be open about your sexuality if it is different than many others (and if it were more accepted, it might not be so different; the ratio between heterosexuals and homosexuals may become slightly more balanced theoretically).
Overall, I believe this story and these two men show the change in the tide that is coming. It quiet and subtle, but it is there. And sooner or later it is going to be heard by all those who have been too afraid to speak up until now.
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Lorelei Russo
Coming out of the closet
I know through personal experience that coming out of the closet can be a truly hard thing. I had a friend in high school that was always a little bit awkward and never would try to fit in with the guys all the time. Me being the type of girl I was friends with everyone including the people that you would think of as so-called losers. So this one girl was in my math class and I decided to sit by her the one day and just start talking to her. It was sad to see how much she had to talk about probably because no one would ever talk to her. That math class was a very interesting one, not in the sense that I payed attention to my teacher, but that I learned so much about a new face in our school. Soon after I would see her every once in a while in the hallways or outside for lunch and would stop say hi and see how her day was. She became very comfortable talking to me about every sense of her life. One day I was passing her locker and realized she was crying. Like a friend I walked up to her to see what was wrong and long story short she told me people were making fun of her and its just upsetting her because its ongoing. Soon after she moved from our school to another one a few towns over because she felt like she had no one that liked her besides a few kind faces she told our counselors. A couple months passed and I awoke to a phone call one night, that same girl had committed suicide and left a letter saying she was a lesbian and coming out to her parents. Since she knew her parents wouldn’t approve and she felt like the whole world hated her she decided to leave this world. That hit me hard because I felt if I just would have taken more time maybe she could have come out to me and realized there are people out there who just want people to be happy and not have to worry about what others think. In closing, I feel that ANYONE who ever is scared about coming out to maybe parents or friends just always remember you need to be happy with your own life.
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I think because I am not someone who doesn’t identify as a member of the LGBT community, the whole concept of one choosing to become a member and embrace that lifestyle is kind of difficult for me grasp. Thursday’s class really made me think. Not that other classes usually don’t but this class forced me to look at homosexuality without (for the most part) involving my faith. Needless to say my convictions weren’t exactly changed overnight but it helped me to get a glimpse of life from the other side and hopefully will help me become a little bit more compassionate and understanding towards members of the LGBT community. I really never used to feel sympathy for the mistreatment of LGBT members, to me homosexuality always seemed like choice and since you actually choose to be a member of a group that is in the minority whatever happens to you happens. Maybe its because I’ve been exposed to people who have come out and said that their homosexual only to then turn around and become straight later on. It just didn’t make sense to me why anyone would willingly choose to place themselves in an environment where they were bound to be treated differently. Then Sam had to go and define natural intercourse and the actual internal struggle many members of the LGBT community actually go through before they can fully become one with themselves.
This made me think about the way we set up gender roles in our society, maybe if they weren’t so rigid then people wouldn’t necessarily feel the need to be in the closet and deal with all of the potential problems that could occur. And maybe if we weren’t as a whole, so squeamish about sexuality and sex in general this whole closet thing would have never really needed to come into existence in the first place. Like Sam says we’re all people and since we’re forced to live with one another maybe the easiest way to cope is not to develop such a sense of hatred towards others that you are willing to physically, or psychologically harm or degrade them in anyway but maybe to embrace their eccentricities. So one the scale of sexual orientation if 1 is being the type of gay that was identified in the that’s so gay picture and 10 is being a super homophobic bible basher like Ted but actually being straight everyone, gay or straight is essentially somewhere in between right? And maybe if we took our inbetweeness and made a collaborative effort to construct a society where it sexual orientation would not end up being as much of an issue as it is the future generations wouldn’t even know what the term ‘gay’ is.
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So, I’m not sure what I feel about this article. I mean I guess its nice that this gay kid can have someone else in the family to bond with over being gay but I just feel like what his grandfather did was selfish. If he knew he was gay, he shouldn’t have committed himself to a woman. He shouldn’t have promised to love her until death do they part when he knew that that was never going to happen. I have nothing against gay people but I think its wrong to break up families just because you were too scared to be your own person growing up. If you found it hard coming out growing up, then how is it any easier coming out when you have a wife and children? Why is it suddenly okay to be who you are when you have more responsibilities and obligations then you did when you were young? And I’m honestly not sure why that story was on the radio. I guess these people must be really secure with themselves but that still brings me back to my previous point; what changed that you can now come out and be completely flamboyant about it? It just seems odd to me. I mean, I get that its hard to come out to people because they aren’t going to understand but how much easier is it to come out to someone you’ve committed yourself to. Why is it easier to break someone’s heart that is so close to you but you can’t come out to people you don’t even know? I don’t know, I just think marrying someone that you don’t really feel love for is wrong. You’re just stringing this person along until you’re ready to do what you want and then you leave that person behind. Or maybe not necessarily leaving them behind but ruining their lives, their patterns, their schedules. And how embarrassing would that be? To be married to someone for however many years, have children with them, build a life with them and then one day, he confesses that its not what he wanted; that he or she just pretended. What kind of person can do that to somebody else? If you can’t come out when you’re young, then don’t get involved with anyone. Don’t commit yourself to a person when you know that you’ll never love them fully or give everything to that person. Spare them that pain at the end when you come out. I’m not saying you should be alone until you feel comfortable with telling the world but you don’t have to get married and have kids. You could discretely see someone of your sex or something like that. I just don’t agree when people do these kind of things. Stop thinking of just yourself and think of the others you’ll be affecting.
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I’m doing my journal entry on the, “The Surprises of Coming Out.” This was very interesting to me. I was there the day Sam first mentioned people being gay and that we probably all of us know someone who is gay or is gay and we just don’t know yet. I’m personally not gay but I do feel that majority of the gay population do not, “choose,” to be gay. First of all lets look at the people who are against being gay completely and lets see how they treat gay people…hmm…not well at all actually. Most gay people have to live a very difficult lifestyle and it’s hard for them because most of them don’t wake up one day and say, “Hey, I want to be gay today and I want people to treat me like crap.” I highly doubt it. In that story about Jeffrey and his grandfather it is a very happy ending but, it’s a shame that he had to lie about it for so long. If he hadn’t maybe he wouldn’t have hurt his wife in the end? In her defense she truly loved him and created a family with him. It’s almost as though he had cheated on her. On another note I know someone very close to me who is gay. She’s my aunt, my favorite aunt actually. I didn’t know that she was gay until I was a senior in high school going into college. I found at a restaurant with my ex-boyfriend and my sister. She had known for a few years. When she told me I actually spit my drink out at the table in shock. I wasn’t mad at all or upset for not being told I was just shocked. I never ever thought that she was gay but after being told it all made sense. I was just in such an oblivious stage because none of those factors mattered to me. She lives in New Hampshire, she was 40 at the time, she’s never been married, she lived with her, “best friend,” Bonnie for the longest time who had 2 kids and she came on all family vacations with us, and she was more on the tom-boyish side. Now, honestly how did I not pick up on any of these things. Within a year I finally asked my mom and she tried to dodge around the answer for a while but finally she told me. One day while talking with my aunt on the phone, I hinted towards the fact that I knew and I said I’m sorry you didn’t think you could tell me. I still love you and you’re still the same to me. She still to this day has only told limited people.
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I feel that as a straight man I could never put myself in a gay man’s shoes. I am a white man who has never really faced much prejudice in my life and I have never lived with the idea that someone might try to do/ say something to me on the back of my mind. Coming out is such a sore thumb on both sides. On one hand you do not come out and live a lie, suffering and hoping that no one will ever find out your secret. In addition, you have to continue on with this lie and put on a performance for everyone and be the sad clown. On the other hand, if you do decide to come out, it is possible that friends and family will not look at you the same, especially if that is against your religion, and now have to deal with those who know and will possibly harass you.
I have a few gay friends and they have told me numerous stories where people would call them fags, queers, and many other hurtful names and it is something that unless you are in their position, never really can understand. Sadly, there are hardly any rights for gay, lesbian, or transgender. Only in a select few states can gays marry and live happily together. There are basically no rights for transgender people and gays are attacked in many categories, ranging from marriage to parenting to employment discrimination.
I do not believe that many get the concept of being gay. These individuals do not choose to be gay, but are born this way and have a different opinion when it comes to sexuality.
2 reasons make being gay such a bad stigma. First, as a society we glamorize sex and it is permeated in our lives every second of every day. From magazines to adds online to movies and so on, sex is the main topic for most. Secondly, being gay means that they are “different” and are a completely different type of people. The truth is that if you judge someone based on their sexuality, it is pretty damn stupid.
Another reason I think there is such a stigma is that many gay men act very flamboyant and fit the negative stereotype of a fruity person who talks funny and acts weird. There are some people who do in fact act flamboyant and make a scene everywhere they go, but from my experiences many gay people hate these gay people because of how they act. My one friend who is gay actually said to me, “I hate fags” because of how they make the group as a whole look. Gay people are not different than straight people except they look at different porn. It is sad that many hide in the closet their whole lives and never come out and be themselves due to fear. I think that within a decade gays will have equal rights and the sexuality issue will disappear.
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The first thing that came to my mind when I read this post was the day in class when the girl said that it was probably more difficult to be gay than it is to be black. I totally agree with her statement and I think this post shows that it is harder to be gay. Some people go through their whole life being gay, but can never tell anyone. On the outside they may seem happy but inside they’re hurting. If they do chose to come out and admit to being gay, then they must constantly justify why they “chose” to be gay. If you’re black, everyone can see you’re black and you don’t have to try to justify why you’re black, it’s just the way you are.
Some people are ignorant to the fact that you don’t chose to be gay. Why would anyone want to go through life and face all the difficulties that LGBT people must face? In time, I think people will eventually realize it’s not a choice, but rather the way you were born.
In some families it’s a bit harder to come out than in other families. Personally, I think if I was gay and came out to my family, they would be totally cool with it. This wasn’t the same in Tony Perri’s case. If he had come out as a young adult rather than waiting until he was married with kids, his life would have been completely different. I feel like not only did he live a lie, but he also caused his family to live a lie. Imagine being his wife, thinking you’re happily married, and then one day your husband tells you he’s gay. I don’t know if I would feel bad that he had to live most of his life as a lie, or be angry that he faked his love for me the entire time.
Back when the grandfather was younger, I think it was harder to come out. Even when he went to let the priest know he was gay, the priest told him to be careful who he told. That makes it a lot harder because the grandfather had to go through his whole life without telling anyone the biggest secret of his life. It was easier for the grandson to come out, partly because there was already a gay man in their family, but also because times have been changing. Nowadays, it is easier to come out and it is a bit more accepted. The statistics that Sam showed in class proved that it is more accepted to be gay today than it was just ten years ago. Hopefully in time, LGBT people will not have to worry about not being accepted in society.
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This Podcast made me smile. It was both refreshing and uplifting to hear an openly gay, older man, speak positively about his sexual orientation and his personal story. Not so much through the media, but in all other aspects, it is very infrequent to hear an older individual who allies themselves with the LGBT movement. It is powerful to hopefully see some of more deep-rooted anti homosexual feelings from people are slowly being dissipating with more and more generations. I think Tony’s comment about his first confession to a Priest, and the Priest’s implication for Tony to keep quit, is a very telling part of why so many people feel threatened by being LGBT. Religion plays a large role in many peoples lives and attempts to shape views on particular subjects such as homosexuality. Homosexuality has formerly been associated with negative notions, some of which imply horrific associations. The research in conjunction with the more outward acceptance of LGBT’s has made powerful strides for those within the community. There isn’t much more to say about this particular story, as there isn’t much substance other than a loving conversation between gay grandfather and gay grandson, but this does lead me to other ideas on the topic.
“Straight Talks” is a classroom based project formed from a Biobehavioral Health class here at Penn State. “Straight Talks” simply shares the personal stories, of individuals who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender (LGBT.) These talks are usually presented to simply expose people the many different “coming out” stories that various individuals have. Although I am a heterosexual female, I find these stories to be the most personally enlightening; it provides a true internal look at the struggles and decisions associated with LGBT individuals. My parents, who are both in the mental health field, have always instilled positive images of LGBT. I quite frequently remember my mother sitting me down and asking me what I thought about the boys and girls in my class, and then specifically asking if I had stronger feelings for any of the boys or girls. The option of being affiliated with something other than heterosexuality is something I have both thought about and questioned. I am quite certain had been born with feelings of LGBT, my family, friends, and community would have supported me. But in hearing these stories, this pleasant outcome is not always how it goes. I struggle to understand why family, especially, can become so quickly resentful when facing a LGBT family member. Love and personality represent such larger aspects of a person, and focusing on sexual orientation simply seems ignorant. I think what is needed more now than ever is allies to the LGBT community. Expressing acceptance from outside the LGBT circles is necessary to empowering the LGBT children currently facing questions of confidence and approval.
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I think that it is outrageous that people have to hide who they really are, especially to their loved ones. But, at the same time I completely and utterly understand their reluctance. I have a hard time telling my parents that I did poorly on one of my exams, when they expect to do well on every single one. Now convert that into Jeffrey’s situation or even his grandfather’s: telling everyone you know, that you are of a different sexual orientation than what you have been your entire life. Shit’s nuts. Now think of people from elder generations who have been suppressing their homosexuality for years and years because of the fact that it has been so long since they’ve known and hadn’t told anybody. Also, add in the fact that these people form elder generations have already developed lives that would drastically change if they were ever to disclose that information, such as marriages and parenthood. The family life is a very intimidating factor when it comes to people coming out because family is everything you have, they are supposed to be there for you no matter what, no? And think of what goes through a gay person’s mind when contemplating coming out: what if the only people in the world who are obligated and expected to have my back at all times don’t except it and actually do turn their back on me? Then they are left with no one, if their family cannot accept them for who they really are, who else will? It’s a difficult life that LGBT’s have to deal with all of this. That is why I do not see why people give them an even harder time. I believe in just letting people live their lives the way they want, and whichever way makes them happy. As it would be a hard fact to accept when it comes to family, people need to just get passed it and understand that it is what essentially will make that person happy. There is no reason for disappointment unless say perhaps there was some dream for you to see your child have a normal wedding—don’t expect that. Regardless, I think its great that LGBT’s growing up in today’s world have elder relatives, mentors, and examples to live by to give them courage to live their lives the way they want to, openly and freely. As time goes by, I think it is definitely safe to say that the age of the average LGBT to come out will substantially drop to say even the teenage years. But, also think of it this way. Maybe, LGBT’s need time to grow throughout their teen years and 20’s and 30’s to really see if they are oriented in the way they think. No one can be certain right away, it takes time to notice one’s own personal tendencies, and could misconstrue their orientation. Nevertheless, life’s getting better for them, and I am happy about that.
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First of all I cannot believe the story about the mixed race marriage. That judge just made up some bullshit to make him look just a little racist. Anybody will get divorced for any reason. If their marriage did not work out because of their mixed race then who cares? That is just a problem they had which made them get divorced. Just like if a husband did not make enough money for a particular wife and she divorced him for it, I do not see the difference. If people are in love and I they want to get married, their race should have nothing to do with it, obviously. What I do not understand is how this judge thought he could do this and get away with it. Was he trying to lose his job or something? Because that is what I would have done to lose my job, just be racist. Anyway that is just such a sad thing for this couple and I hope that did not affect them too much or cause their relationship to get into some trouble.
This whole issue about the gay grandfather and grandson is just too much for me. I feel like it is more of a personal matter in the family and there is no need to radio broadcast such a story. I suppose it is maybe an inspiration for other people to come out to more than just your best friend, but it just so happens that there are two gay people in this family and that makes them special. I do not have anything against gay people; I just did not find this story very significant. OK, well maybe the fact that this older guy never came out until way later was interesting. He just was told that one time by the priest and he listened to this guy. CRAZY!!! That is unbelievable that he listened to this ONE guy to keep his mouth shut and it was his priest. Like before I did not really like religion, but now, it just pisses me off when I hear what priests do and say; especially the Pope.
One other thing I wanted to mention was that my girlfriend’s brother thinks Sam is gay, even though we know he is not. He watches his videos on YouTube and is around when I do the journal entries so he has had his fair share of “SAM exposure”. He saw the earrings he was wearing, and all the LGBT issue lectures, and other things and just pretty much stereotyped him as gay. Now of course I had to explain to him who Sam really is in class and also explain to him why I think he thinks Sam is gay. It was definitely interesting to see him think the way he did after going through SOC 119 so far.
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I really liked this story because it almost helps to bridge a gap between generations. This young man was able to discuss his sexuality, something that is normally a very controversial issue, with not only someone who knows what it’s like, but family. I would imagine that coming out would be one of the most difficult processes a person can go through. It can’t be easy to tell people—especially those that you love—about your sexual orientation. Not only would coming out in general be difficult, but to family? Not that my family is particularly judgmental. No more than others I’d hope, but I don’t really think they would take that news well—as horrible as that may sound. So its touching to know that coming out to family was almost easier for him because he has a family member and role model who he could confine in and help him through the process. I truthfully have no way to relate, to either of them, but it had to be hard. His grandfather is someone he obviously respects…it seems as if being gay is almost a bond.
I think one of the most important things mentioned in this blog was the fact that if the grandfather had not waited until marriage and children to come out, his grandson wouldn’t even be here. This young man came out very early in life, which was the complete opposite of his grandfather. He admires his grandpa and looks up to him as someone to respect and live up to, but his grandfather waited so long before admitting his feelings. He let other people’s words—even worse a priest—effect what he decided to do about his sexuality.
After being in class yesterday and listening to the discussing on gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders, you can’t help but think about life differently. Sam pointed out a lot of truths about attractions and the way people act and feel towards each other. He even mentioned that many people could not even realize the way the feel. We all think that that could not be our family, or our parents, but in this case that actually happened. It was his grandpa and he did turn out to be gay. Despite what we want to believe, it could happen.
In a class like this, it is very important to discuss these issues. We talk about all types of judgment and prejudice and this is another type of hate that people experience everyday. This class teaches us to recognize and tolerate others and to not take this into consideration would not complete the course. I think this article, as well as class the other day, were vital to race relations.
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It is funny that I come from an upbringing that lesbians and gays are not readily excepted. My upbringing is Jamaican. From as far back as stories can go all the way to my mother and father, for the most par my family is Jamaican. In the Jamaican culture, homosexuality and bisexuality are not topics in which people take likely. In fact, there are many instances where there are occasions in which people can not verbally express that they are gay out of fear that they will be beat up or sometimes as far as being killed.
My family has lived in the United States for many years, so they might not be so strict with the no lesbian/gay thoughts. I do not know if it has a lot to do with me being born in the United States and being exposed to other cultures, but I do not find it different that lesbians and gays have the right to love and show love towards that significant person just as much as heterosexuals do. What also can contribute to my comfortability around homosexuals is because I was exposed to being around people in dance classes that were open about their sexuality. Because in these environments, I have acquired good friends that so happened to gay, lesbian or bisexuality.
I believe that homosexuals have the right to do whatever they want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or personally offend anyone. For example, there were many instances in high school in which I had lesbian friends that tried to push themselves on me or try and “turn me out”. In those cases I get very offended, and that friendship is terminated. I treat those instances just like I treat a man that is trying to push himself on me against my will. Both cases are not acceptable.
I listened to the conversation dealing with grandfather Toni Perry and grandson Jeffery. I think that conversation was very touching. I do not think that it is fair that someone has to hide in the closet because of their sexuality. It is unfair to his happiness. At the same token, I believe that he deserved it to his wife to tell her earlier. The reason I say this is because he also affected her life and made her live in a household based on a lie. And another issue is that it is unfair that its harder for a woman to find a man when she gets older. Listening to this story reminds me of a story of my w. I have a female cousin that some of us in my family suspected that she was a lesbian. One Thanksgiving, my mother boldly asked my cousin if she was gay in front of everybody. My cousin said no and never came back to a family get together. This instance happened when I was 14, I am now 20 and have never seen my cousin since. This story always reminds me how important it is for someone to be comfortable in their sexuality and for them not to feel judged.
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That is a very cool story and shows that many things happen for a reason. I do not know how someone feels who needs to come out of the closet but I can assume how difficult it must be. I feel it is extremely sad that some people have to live with the feelings that they know are true and yet have to turn other feelings on. In this case, it worked out well because more of a family was made and then the truth came out. Of course if this wouldn’t have happened there would be none of the family that they have today. However it isn’t right that Tony was pushed away as a child and it is unfortunate that he wasn’t able to come out with his known feelings sooner. It is special though that Jeffery feels much more comfortable after coming out and knowing that he would be accepted by his family because of his family already knowing that his grandfather was gay. I had a friend who came out to me and she still hasn’t been able to tell her family. Yet the girl she is seeing’s parents know. I would think her girlfriend would feel in a way upset and confused because if she was dating a male, her family would most definitely know about it. If being homosexual is something biological, I don’t see a problem with people knowing about it. Of course writing it down on paper is so much easier said than done. It is the same with different ethnicities. What is the difference we are all human beings capable of the same exact things. When Tony came out to his wife it showed how he cared for her and probably loved her for who she was and the mother of his children but was not in love with her anymore. As much as that probably hurt her and made her ashamed she has to have seen how considerate it was of him. If given the choice, I don’t think anymore would want their significant other to stay in the relationship if they are not truly in love. As hard as it still is for people to come out, I think we have come some distance as a whole. Jeffery being able to come out way before his grandfather was able to come out when he was his age is a perfect example. I’m sure although Jeffery was iffy to tell his grandfather because he didn’t want him to feel bad or feel a certain way because of the difficulties that he will face, he is glad to have someone there who gets him. As any journey is easier to take when you have someone there with you rather than taking it alone.
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Wow after hearing this conversation between the grandfather and the grandson I realized that anything can really happen in this world. You would never expect a grandfather, after so much time come out as being gay. I think this is shocking because I can’t imagine how he kept his secret for such a long time, if by the time he was 17 he already knew he was gay why didn’t he come out of the closet back then. In my opinion I don’t think going to the priest it was the best person to open up to. I imagine if he had confession, he must be a catholic. And to my understanding the Catholic is really against being gay, they believe that a man and a women were meant to be and that a man getting with a man is not right. The priest I think had to of told him something more serious for him to keep his secret for another 17 years. The priest probably told him if he was gay he wasn’t going to make it to heaven. I think he should of opened up to some that was close to him and that would of understood him and maybe gave him some good advice. The nephew most likely found great support with his grandfather after he came out of the closet. I imagine this was probably one of the reasons why the nephew came out of the closet as well. In my opinion I think it is so hard for many people to come out of the closet because of the narrow minded society that we are in. This is a lot of discrimination against gays, lesbians, and bisexual people. I think people that make such a big deal about topics like these are the people that are the most uncomfortable with their sexuality. I don’t think people should make such a big deal about other people’s life. I mean it’s not like they are the ones that are going to be getting married or be with the person of the same sex. Like Sam said in class we can’t be totally gay/lesbian or 100% straight, because all of us have relationships of people of different sex. What I thought was so interesting was that he mentions that there is some sort of connections with the genes and why people are gay/lesbian. I always thought people chose to be gay or lesbian. But with the lecture he gave in class I learned that people are born with these attractions to people of the same sex, so some people don’t chose to be like this. I think we should be more acceptable of things like this, therefore it will be easier for people to come out of the closet. Therefore people can actually live a life being their selves and not pretending someone they are not!
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When I was browsing the race relations blog earlier today searching for a journal topic I stumbled on the post entitled “The surprises of coming out” and I began to read it. When I watched the video from class I began to laugh a little because I remember when it happened and the way Sam posed some of the questions was very amusing. Although I found it quite funny he certainly made some very valid points. In a class that size it is highly likely that there were some gay people in the class who hadn’t come out yet or someone in the class had a friend who they didn’t know is gay. When he mentioned the question about the parents though it made me stop and think for a bit. At first I just couldn’t see it happening to anyone. I just couldn’t see how someone whether they be a man or a woman could live a lie for so long. I can see it one way like if they where a little kid and know they are gay and wait a few years before they tell anyone but this was completely different. What Sam was suggesting though I thought at first was insane I mean to marry someone your not really attracted to and to have kids with them and never be happy is beyond belief to me. Then I tried to imagine what someone like that would have to go though like for instance the man in the interview. Suddenly I realised that it probably isn’t even that uncommon. I mean the way gays are treated in our society is horrendous. It is extremely difficult to be a gay in our society. It seems like every time someone who is straight finds out they are near a gay person they immediately put up their guard and try to avoid that person. Also in everyday language gays are mocked and looked down upon. For instance if some one told me that they closed the dinning hall early for no good reason I would probably reply with something like “that’s gay” and not really think anything of it. Another thing that really helped me understand how hard it is for gays is when I saw the movie Philadelphia for the first time. In the movie Tom Hanks plays the role of one of the nicest people in the world while at the same time being gay. He is constantly looked down upon and made fun of but in the end of the movie as he is dieing people finally start to really appreciate him. That made me think of the man in the interview. His life paralleled exactly with Tom Hanks the whole time that this man was married and having kids he loved his family but he could never really be himself. When he came out and left his wife it must have been such a huge load off of his shoulders. In the interview I could tell just by his tone of voice how happy he really was. That’s the sad thing for so many gays out there society makes it so hard for them to be happy that a lot of them have to live a life in denial. If straight people can live their whole like happily without the worry of being shunned in society shouldn’t gays be able to do the same?
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I’ve always been surrounded by homosexuals, especially when I get to high school. I’ve never been afraid of them, although it sometimes freaked me out when some of them liked me, but then I took it as flattery. When I was younger, about 12, I was going through a stage where I hated all things girly and even changed my name, that still sticks with me today, to Alyx. It was mostly a rebellion against my mother, patronizing me about always looking pretty. But since middle school, a lot of people had the idea I was a lesbian. Even though I had boyfriends and always told people I was straight, they still thought I “looked” like one because of the way I dressed. Baggy pants, hoodies, my hair usually always up in a ponytail, but I dressed like that because I really didn’t care what I looked like in school. Since it was such a trend in my high school to be gay, lesbian or bisexual, it didn’t offend me that people thought I was gay, because everyone was gay! Most people even weren’t gay but claimed they were to fit in.
I was used to the fact that most people were or were going to become gay. I don’t know how I would react if any one of my parents openly came out and said they were gay, but I would support it. I have family members that are gay, my cousin, who is now 40 and has had a sperm donor. I know past teachers who are gay and have done the same thing. I know being gay usually isn’t a choice but coming out is one that is very difficult.
I may be accustomed to people around me being gay but many aren’t. I’m glad that in the decade we now live in and especially where I’m from it’s not difficult to be accepted. Sadly for our parents and elders they didn’t live in a time where being gay was “correct.” That’s why most parents wait to come out till when they’re older, they know now, saying you’re gay is becoming more and more socially acceptable. I can’t image what it’s like being somewhere and having to live keeping a secret to yourself like that.
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The “gay parents” issue was a very interesting one that was brought up in class. I have never known anyone who has had or has gay parents. To me I use to think of it as one of those things you only see on T.V. However, as I got older and learned more about the world and met people who were gay I began to understand this situation a bit more. I certainly think that kids that come from gay parents and are gay themselves would certainly have an easier time coming out of the closet. Their parents would be able to relate to them about experiences and would be able to help them get through the stereotypes and prejudices that came along with being gay. For people that are gay and do not have gay parents it must be very difficult for them to come out of the closet and break the news to their parents. In high school a knew a kid that came out of the closet our junior year and he said that one of the hardest things was telling his parents. He found this harder than telling his friends and peers. He told us that his parent’s initial reaction was that they had done something wrong in raising him and that it was not his fault that he was thinking this way. It took him so long to make his parents see and believe that they had not done anything wrong but that he had always just felt different at a very young age. This shows signs of being gay being genetic however, does that mean someone in his family necessarily had to have someone who was gay in the past generations? If so it would have been easier for his parents to see that it was not his fault however, in most cases this does not seem to be the case.
I do not know that I necessarily agree with the statement that we may have gay parents and may not know it yet. I feel that if they were gay they would not have been married for so long and have had children and an entire family. I think I would be the most shocked to see someone come out the closet that was married and then turn gay. I feel that they would have gotten a divorce or something or that their significant other had to see signs of it.
This story is certainly very touching. If only all people in the world could be this accepting and open to talking about these issues. I think the world can certainly benefit from this story and should take it to heart. If all of those that needed the support got it this issue would be an easier one to tackle.
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Journal 11
The first time I saw the block, titled “The surprises of coming out” I did not paid much attention to what it meat. After Thursday’s class I thought it was a good block to write about. I read the block and I found this a strange case. Then I listen to the radio forecast and I thought it was really a touchy story. I found pretty nice the relationship between this two men and really shows that probably people have had to deal with this kind of issues from a long time ago. I guess the only thing is that now these types of issues are address more than before.
The experience of the grandfather makes me think about the time when I was in the diversity institute in Misericordia University. I was there with other students with different backgrounds to learn more about diversity. The program was really cool, I enjoy the time that I spend there a lot. I got to know better of my best friends now. I also had really nice live lessons. We had talks by different people, the main point was diversity, and we had talks like the ones in Sociology 119. We even had a gay speaker and a transgender speaker.
I remember I was at the lady’s room and I saw a really weird women, she was really tall and kind of fat, but not exactly, she had a lot of muscles, I did not wanted to stare at her, because she looked kind of scary to me. Then I came back to the room where we were going to hear a guess speaker. To my surprise the lady that I saw at the lady’s room was our next speaker. She started talking about her life. She said that she was a transgender. She explained to us that she had several surgeries to look like a women and that she was a respected general in the army, until she came out of the closet. Her story is sad, she got married and had a daughter, because her wife wanted to have a child. She said that she waited until her daughter was out of college to let her know the true that his wife knew. Her daughter did not take it well the notice and in the conference she said that she got the back of everybody that respected him as a man, including her daughter. Myself and all the students in the institute felt really bad for her and we wish the best to her.
I believe that in the particular case that is talked in the block, things worked out okay to both grandfather and grandson and sometimes is like that. Also in the diversity institute in Missericordia University, I meet Josh, he was a student that was gay and he was perfectly fine with his identity. His family had accepted him, they understood about his sexual orientation. Josh is a happy boy that I think anybody will love to have as a friend. I personally considered him my friend and he is really cool.
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It was really interesting to hear how of all people, Jeffrey Perri was most nervous about telling he was gay was his grandfather, who coincidentally was gay too. I would imagine that coming out to someone who is also gay would be easier, especially someone who is so close to you. They would understand where you’re coming from and how you’re feeling. However that wasn’t the case. After listening to the NPR report, I completely understand his perspective and reasoning. He was afraid his grandfather was going to feel sad for him that he was going to have to go through the same struggles that he once experienced. It’s a view I would never think of myself.
It’s pretty sad that after two generations, Tony Perri hasn’t been able to see the great strides towards equality as one would hope. LGBT rights have been a long way coming, and every day when you would think the barriers are on their way down, they just stay put. This past tuesday, on election day, Maine put gay marriage up to a popular vote. Sadly, more people voted for the gay marriage repeal, then against it, thus taking the right away. This is in MAINE! A tiny state, with a large liberal population. LGBT rights activists were hoping for this win to make history as the first state to pass the law with a vote, but once again, just like last year in California with Prop 8, Americans have made one giant step backwards.
In the 60′s and 70′s gay people were frequently being rounded up by the police and arrested. ARRESTED for being gay! Although these kinds of things don’t happen like they used to-although I’m pretty sure there are modern cases-there is still a level of inequality in the country. From what I have observed, gay people are not granted the right to be themselves at all times. Sometimes I notice, if I’m walking down a street in a more conservative area with my gay cousin and his partner, they will break their hand holding and separate themselves because of a lingering danger.
Sam makes a good point about the situation being bittersweet because Jeffrey wouldn’t be alive if Tony wasn’t in the closet. Yet, it’s unfortunate that there is a “closet” that many gay people feel safer in over the real world. I don’t know why, but this reminds me of the fact that there are laws against things like gay couples having family’s with either some type of fertilization process or adoption. We are willing to deny a child a family because some people don’t agree with their sexuality. Even if it means providing someone with a loving home, because the law says no, we just shrug our shoulders. Seriously…there are no laws that deny rapists or bigots marriage rights, but in very few places in the United States are gay people allowed to marry. SO RIDICULOUS.
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It is something we hear a lot, Gay Marriage. Some states have decided it is perfectly legal, which I agree with as well, while others saw special interests spend billions to ban it. But why is there such a problem still today in our country with gay rights? If someone chooses to be gay, in no way does that really affect anybody else. But the fact is in our opinionated nation it must be quite hard for people to come out of the closet for the inevitable slander and criticism that may be thrown at them, as well as neglect ion of human rights such as marriage. The topic of homosexuality is becoming almost a regular phrase in our daily lives. Each day, I hear that someone new has come out of the closet or I hear people using the word “gay” to describe something or someone. For some of us, this is just an idea that we will never have to experience, but as Sam said, for a lot of us, we are going to have to face this tricky topic at some point in our lives. When Sam asked if anyone had gay parents, no one raised their hand. I guarantee that there are at least a couple of people in the room that have gay parents that have already come out and they are just too embarrassed to admit that. However, when Sam asked if anyone had gay friends, almost everyone raised their hand. They openly admitted that they had gay friends. I think if Sam had asked if anyone had any gay siblings a few people would not openly admit this, but I think they would be more likely to admit it than if they had gay parents. Each of these is an example of people that you are close to. Why is it that people are more willing to admit that they have gay friends or mostly likely admit that they have gay siblings than gay parents, assuming this would be the case? I personally think that if I had gay parents I would not raise my hand. I don’t know if it would be that I didn’t want to stick out in a crowd or if I would be embarrassed about my parents’ situation. I think it would be that I would be one of few and I wouldn’t want to be looked at as different. If my parents were divorced and Sam asked if they were, I would probably raise my hand and not be embarrassed because it is more common. Therefore, I don’t think I would be embarrassed about that my parents were separated, but more the fact that one of my parents was gay.
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Thank Goodness! People who are proudly coming out and advertising it! More people need to do this. More people need to not get married to a women or man because society accepts it, marry someone you really love, whether it means you’re gay or not. Being gay is something to be proud of; it is a lifestyle, like being heterosexual is. There is nothing wrong being gay so no one should feel as if it is. I am so proud of this man for finally coming out before he left this earth.
If every person that was gay lesbian or bi-sexual started to come out we would have a whirl win of divorces piling up. To tell someone that it is bad to live a certain lifestyle is obscured especially when that life style of for the love of another. This man did not just help someone close to him or just himself, he helped so many without even knowing it. The amount of gay friends I have that have yet to come out to their loved ones is enormous. I try to help them through the process but they refuse, since they don’t want their family to hate them or look at them differently.
All I can say to that is how can people you love hate you for being yourself? In the end this man got what he wanted, the chance to be himself for the rest of his life. What more could one person ask for? Society needs to realize that the gay population is not going anywhere, and it is actually increasing quite drastically, so people need to start getting used to it!
No matter what we say or do, everyone is still going to do what they want regardless of how others feel. Therefore stop forcing your views on the LGBT society upon everyone else, and do like this man did and be proud! Those who do not accept people who are LGBT need to ignore it, and not let it bother them instead of voicing their un-accepting opinions.
This one man literally just made my day. I wish so many others did what he did, and just ignored the criticisms of others and stayed true to who they are. This man and the one who was discharged from the military can teach so many others how to believe in themselves enough to just be themselves. Not many heterosexual people stay true to their lifestyles or even beliefs at least the LGBT’s are standing up for themselves, and that is more than I can say for most people. One day I will be able to wake up and know that my friends are out and proud and know that people are accepting of others, but until then I can only hope that more take a stand for a life style that they did not choose, but a life that they are living!
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Coming out of the closet is a very hard decision for people because it could everything around them. From my perspective I think it isn’t a bad decision to come with the truth to tell people that you are gay because being truthful is better to lie and especially lie to themselves and the people they love so “isn’t better to tell the truth than to lie” ? sometimes it isn’t out yet because they are afraid that everything around them would be change for the rest of their life. About 4 years and a half ago when I was in my country I had a gay friend and I’ve been doubted since I knew him from 5th grade in middle school but the truth of him being gay didn’t come out until we were going into 8th grade. We were actually really close and I kept him as a brother and we had a lot in common. One day I remembered during 8th grade I saw he was really stressful and he told me he wanted to tell me about his secret that he haven’t tell anybody yet. He hasn’t told none of his parents or any family members. I said to him Dila if you have anything in mind right now just tell and as you know we are like brothers and there’s nothing that you should hide me. At least it will make you feel better after you say something out that you wanted to say, then he asked that will I be still accept him as a friend if he was gay for all these whole time ? At first I was a little shocked that he said he was gay and I didn’t feel anything bad against him because he attracted to guys more than girls so that was a way of feeling from people that had in their mind. He was actually happy that the fact we were still friends. So this is might be a little similar to the story of grandson and grandfather showing their honesty toward each other in such a lovely way that they accepted each other of what and who they are. I am 100 % straight and I am attracted to women but somehow I feel that I feel connect to them because I really don’t have a problem to gay at all. I want to be one of the people that they can look up when they need something because nowadays people make such a big deal toward gay or lesbian. This is something that we can’t control and sometimes it is best to make friends with them. In this world there’s no such thing as that we can go back to who were in the past but everybody can start a new beginning with happiness.
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I really had a hard time finding a blog that I was provoked by or moved by so I just randomly picked one. It ended up being the discussion between the grandfather and grandson. Like Sam I thought it was definitely touching and sweet that the two could learn from each other. Something I found interesting in the conversation was how the grandmother had asked her husband to never tell the children. How could she think he would live out the rest of his life with a lie? That is really rude in my eyes. He had already lived the majority of his life in a lie why should he have to live out the rest of his days playing a game or wearing a mask and not being his true self. The reason I think that she would ask that is selfish she was not concerned about her children (even though they were fully grown), she cared more for her reputation and what others would think of her. I mean it does suck for her to find out that the person she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with was really not in love with her.
For Jeffery I think that it took a lot of strength to admit to his wife and children that he was gay. One thing that I was wondering was what was the trigger for him to finally decide to come out. Was there something in his life that made him finally realize that his life was a complete lie? I wonder if he had any remorse for lying to his family and himself? The fact that he waited so long I feel like there had to be something to cause it.
I think that he definitely paved the way for his grandson thought. By not hiding or attempting to lie about his living situation Jeffery would have had a large impact on his grandsons sexuality. Due to the fact that his grandson felt so comfortable to come out I would say that Jeffery’s children did not have any harsh or adverse feelings toward their father’s sexual orientation. I can only think that if this were to happen in my family it may tear us apart. If one of my grandparents came out as being gay my aunts and mom would all be on different sides. Two of them would feel betrayed, one would be almost indifferent, and then my mom would be accepting of it. That is from the children’s view but from a grandchild’s I think that my older cousin would not talk to the one who came out, my younger cousins would not know what was going on, and myself I would attempt to be there for support but I would be confused.
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this guy is off the hook
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yeah..i know very well.
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I think it is really sad that this man had to keep his sexual orientation under wraps for so long. Then again if he had not gotten married his grandson would not have been born. Although gay "marriages" are still not socially accepted today, the situation is definitely better than it was when the grandfather was growing up at our age. I honestly have no problem with gay people as long as they don’t “hit on” me. I actually have gay friends and they are just like other people and I don’t think people should discriminate against them. We are all people and should accept each other for who we are.
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I think that Tony and Jeffery's story is is very touching. Some people who are gay and afraid to show it have insecurities about themselves that makes it hard to come to realize the truth of their own self. I don't think that it's something to be ashamed of at all. If that's who you are then it is what it is. I'm straight myself, but I can relate to this in a way because one of my closest friends is gay. And I love him to death. He's the coolest and best friend I could ever ask for. He's very open about everything and has an awesome personality. He's not ashamed of it. The question once came up, "How did you know you were gay?" He elaborated on it and just said, "Honey I knew I was gay since I was a kid." He's 21 now and he grew up with two older sisters. One who lives in Arizona now and the other who he's close with and used to live with. And they're best friends. So he said when he was growing up that he had no interest in tonka trucks or g i joes. He spent his times playing with dolls and being the victim of having his sisters put make up on him. Ha. But that didn't have any effect on the way he was or it didn't "make him gay." It's just what he had fun with as a kid. He also has a close friend who is openly gay and a group of guy friends who are also gay. None of them have relationships with each other , they're all just friends. They're fun kids, definitely, and I think that's it's cool to have a gay friend. I brought him along with me when I went prom dress shopping in high school and his opinions helped me out. Even in all aspects that friends help each other out.
I agree with the comment above me, I think that people are born gay as well. This is why some people have trouble "coming out of the closet" as they get older because maybe they don't want other people to think differently of them. It's sad that people struggle with this because there are a lot of people out there who are gay and happy. It's important to be comfortable with the person you are. Bisexual though, I may not have complete understanding of. But I can understand that people do want to experiment with the same sex but not permanently. Maybe it is even a stepping stone for those people who have trouble admitting that they're not straight. And then hopefully if they finally figure it out then they won't have that feelings inside of them that makes them feel ashamed of their self.
I also hope that other people would realize that they shouldn't make fun of people or criticize them for being gay. No other person is more human than another.
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