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1809253 Responseshttp://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/lgbt-class-question-six/LGBT+Class%3A+Question+Six2010-02-17+02%3A34%3A39Sam+Richards to LGBT Class: Question Six
I agree that gays and lesbians are treated differently in society, but I believe this is wrong. After all, they are pretty much the same. Two girls who are together, or two guys who are together. Not much of a difference there. So why is it that so many people treat them differently. Also, I think it is screwed up when heterosexual males think it is ok for women to be homosexual, but not for other males to be homosexual. I think that male heterosexuals are the most outspoken about this issue. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being gay or lesbian, and that it should be accepted by everyone.
When it comes to the question of acceptance in society I think women are accepted more because men are seen as masculine and supposed to engage in traditional marriage whereas women are not always seen in these ways. Many people are opposed to women homosexual relationships just as much as they are opposed to men relationships. Also two women having a sexual relationship is seen as a sexual thing and many men wouldn't mind seeing women making out or having sex , whereas most people would be disturbed to see two men engaging in these behaviors. Also I think that it is built into peoples thinking because even though two women having sex is considered gay, in porn movies it is categorized as straight.
I feel lesbians are more accepted since women are people that a lot of us have for respect for. I have been taught to respect women far and above any man. It does not mean that I praise the ground women walk on I am just easily more cordial and respectful. They have to go through way more than men do. They have to go through childbirth and I feel that is enough to show them all the respect we can. It seems that lesbians are part of a double standard. Anyone can see the point about Lesbian pornography and the hypocrisy that goes along with it. I feel that this is a problem since there is a strong sentiment against gay men.
I think the reason that lesbians are generally more accepted than gay men is simply because that is the way it is passively taught to kids at a young age. Young girls are taught that it is socially acceptable to show love and emotion for one another through things like hugs. Young boys are naturally competitive and try to show that they are stronger than each other. As boys and girls get older, these actions become even more pronounced. Straight women can hold hands walking down the street, and people may think they are lesbians, but they are still socially acceptable. Two men holding hands down the street, straight or not, is significantly rarer and people do not find that to be okay. From the time we are all little kids, we are taught that men to not hold hands and do not show affection for each other, even in a friendly way. So this notion stays with us as we grow older.
We must also account for the assumptions that most people make about two people holding hands. If we see two men holding hands on the street, without a second consideration, we determine that these men are gay. Women on the other hand do not deal with this judgment. Gay women can appear to be hidden in plain sight if they so choose. Because of the possibility that the two women are straight, strangers will never know the rule truth without other signs or conversation.
Please keep in mind that these are generalizations for the average person. Not every girl acts in that way, and not all boys act in that way. Some children realize that they are gay early on, after talking to somebody older. Some girls are tomboys and some boys are very effeminate. I am just explaining my thoughts on the average person and how they are taught to act at a young age. I have not even touched on the fact that many guys think two lesbians together are real hot, thus being more acceptable.
Now I will admit that growing up I acted the same as I stated above and I made assumptions about gay men and women. However, after I actually had gay friends in high school and college, I now try to think about everyone being on even ground so to speak. I try to think of people as a person on the street, not a gay person on the street. I am not saying that I don’t still wonder if people are gay or straight, but I accept the fact that I will never know unless I talk to them or they show an obvious sign to the public.
Society is basically ruled by men, it has been that way throughout most of history. Whatever men want, they usually get. The male gender is very sexually charged, simply put. If one turns on the television almost every other advertisement is selling sex to men. Men commonly and openly express their heterosexual fantasies and conquests. Combine this fact with the fact that women are generally more affectionate and tender towards each other and everyone around them; it helps explain why lesbian women are more accepted then gay men. Straight women constantly kiss each other hello and goodbye, go to the bathroom together, and change clothes in front of each other. If heterosexual men were to do these things they would be looked at as gay because it is out of our socialized characteristics while women receive no stigma for these actions. An example in the gay world can be shown by the fact that if two women are seen kissing on the street, the men walking passed will oh and ah. On the other hand, if two men were seen kissing they would be shunned. Boys are usually ridiculed for being weak and effeminate and girls are made fun of for being too masculine. Many times it’s hard to tell if a woman is a lesbian but it seems to be slightly easier to pick out the gay men. Children are socialized to believe that boys should grow up to football stars and “manly men” while girls are expected to play the role of cheerleader and housewife. When something deviates from our expectations, it is usually shoved aside. Lesbian women can still be sexy cheerleaders and housewives while it is more difficult for men to be seen as manly and strong when they are considered more effeminate, even if in reality they may not be. Typically, “butch” women are mocked and tormented by men, obvious evidence that they are not accepted. Our culture is dominated by male ideologies, preferences, and fantasies. A common and ultimate fantasy of many men is to have a sexual encounter with multiple women while women usually do not fantasize about multiple partners. Men do not seem to realize that every lesbian isn’t a smoking hot blonde with a huge rack. With all of this being said, I don’t think everyone accepts lesbians more than gay men, I just think men do. I feel most men do so because they would love to witness two girls make out and that’s about it. If two “butch” women were seen kissing many men would have the same reaction they would if it were two men. They’re opinions dominate society and it is usually passed off as everyone else’s.
It is very odd that lesbians seem to be accepted more than gay men. There are many possible reasons for this, but to pin point the exact reason would be extremely difficult. I think the primary reason for lesbians being accepted more than gay men is that in general people are nicer to females than they are to males. This would make it seem that people were more accepting of lesbians because they simply do not talk about it as much. It seems that women especially would be less likely to call out other women for their sexual preferences. Men on the other hand constantly force each other to talk about sex and women, and are often encouraged to make jokes at the expense of others. “Guys” routinely use the phrase, “That’s so gay,” to describe things they do not like. This could be a part of the answer to your question. People are subject to hearing the phrase, “That’s so gay” on a daily basis being associated with negative things. While I doubt anyone realizes at the time, I’m sure that to at least a very small degree, this makes people associate gay with negative things.
Although many people in society may look differently at gay men and women, when it comes to marriage and laws pertaining to adoption, most people feel the same. I understand that some people hold that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman, but I do not see any reason that two friends or partners should not be able to get the same benefits as a married couple. If two people see it in their best financial interest to live together and make the decision to spend a significant portion of their lives together, why not give them benefits similar to that of two married people.
I think that for the most part people being more accepting of lesbians is mostly an illusion. Even the word lesbian is not used as often as the word gay, and therefore it seems that gay men are the target of more criticism than lesbian women. In addition, men are often attracted to two lesbian women, so men rarely say anything bad about two women together. On the contrary, straight men are brutal to gay men, sometimes to their face without even realizing it. I, and I’m sure many others, have gay friends who they didn’t know were gay for some time. Although he threw the term gay around just like others, I hope I never said anything that offended him. I’m sure there were plenty of times he was uncomfortable about the topics of conversation. He probably had a harder time being a gay man than a lesbian girl may have had because of the vulgar conversations he was often apart of.
I think it’s a little narrow-minded to believe that lesbians are in fact more accepted in society than gay men. Comparing apples to apples, lesbians and gays are both involved in same sex relationships, and the benefits of different sex marriage are not transferred over in all cases; it differs from state to state as well within the US. I think this question is in fact referring to tension when it comes to exposure to two gay men vs. two lesbians. I find that women are more likely to participate in gay activity without being gay and are more accepting of the gay concept for both male relationships and female relationships. On the other hand, I also find that males are less likely to “experiment” and so they consider gay relationships disgusting, and sometimes appear homophobic. I think it’s all a matter of one’s personal exposure and mentality.
Personally I have never understood why lesbians or more accepting than gay men. I myself believe in gay rights. I have a few friends at home who are gay and bi and here at school and I believe that gay men, lesbian women, bi-sexual people, have the right to love whomever they feel like loving or love. I feel like if you love someone and they love you why can’t you be with them. I talk to them and I really always try to understand where they are coming from. I am not bi or bi-curious or lesbian I but I have always wanted to understand why people can be attracted to the same sex. That was something that always seemed to puzzle me a bit. I just really couldn’t fully understand why people liked the same sex and then I realized that it is not meant for me to understand. And all I need to know is that if you love someone you love them, no matter what. But back to the topic of discussion, me having a few friends who engage in same sex partnerships and relationships, I have always realized that the gay men were more quiet about being gay and they women who were into girls were more open about being with girls or women. In my high school we had a lot of people who were into same sex couples and especially a lot of lesbians. There were a few guys that were openly gay but for the most part there were several girls that were open about being lesbians. Having gay and lesbian people go to my school I have never been the homophobic type however, I would crinch at the site of seeing a girl kissing another girl, but at my school that was fully acceptable. A girl could kiss another girl in the hallway and there was nothing wrong with it however, if one of the gay guys my school would kiss there boyfriend or something it was HUGE deal and everyone thought they were gross. Me personally I don’t want to see anyone kiss, whether the gay, straight or bi, public display of affection just isn’t something I want to see. But if it was too girls, the guys would cheer it on and the girls would look at it like it was nothing, however it was two guys kissing the straight guys would make fun of them and act weird and the girls would be grossed out. I think that is more acceptable for a woman to be lesbians because women are more delicate and affectionate. Even straight women hug their girl friends and kiss them on the check, but guys will rarely hug another guy let alone kiss them. I think it is more or less like women are looked at to be less dominate so it is okay for two girls to hook up but guys who are macho and manly they shouldn’t love another man. I think it is all weird to tell you the truth, I don’t think there is a difference, either you like the opposite sex or you don’t and in the event that you don’t like the opposite sex if you like the same sex or both sexes whether you are a male or female it should both be looked at the same, because you are liking something that is similar to your body.
Why are lesbians more accepted than gay men? This is a question than seems to be brought every now and then with this topic. It is really a pretty simple answer. It is the same reason why a girl can hold another girls hand or even say "I love you" without any even noticing. The answer is that it is our culture. It is as simple as that.
Then again, this question needs some breaking down. What do we mean by lesbians? Is every girl that kisses another girl a lesbian? The answer is no and this is why this question is somewhat skewed to some degree. This is because I am not sure that lesbians are necessarily any more accepted by gay men, but straight girl that happen to kiss are more accepted which should not be considered in htis question because they are all and all straight.
Men have a tendency to like it when girls kiss, etc. For example, the porn industry has taken advantage of this and has filmed scenes with girls on girls; however, even though these may be considered "lesbian scenes", they are not necessarily lesbians. They are just straight girls kissing. These are the types of things that people might see as lesbians that are being accepted. I really do not believe that true lesbians are any more accepted the average gay man. Overall, homosexuals are equally not accepted in our society. If you see a real lesbian couple walking down the street holding hands that are not just two hot girls making out, they are just as much judged and looked down upon by certain people as any gay male couple.
It is really just a guy thing why guys like seeing girls kissing, but why would the guys wish the girls that are kissing to actually be lesbian? Does that make any sense, if these guys are attracted to these women? If two real lesbians are kissing, how is this accepted? I still think some people still look at lesbians as if it is wrong and unnatural and only a man and women should be together.
So, in conclusion, first, our culture and history is why some things are accepted and some things are not. Second, it is not that lesbians are more accepted, per se. It more that girls are more open about their feelings and sexuality and straight women to have any problem kissing other women in most cases. These are not homosexual women however. Real homosexual woman are not treated or accepted any more than gay men. They may still be looked down upon and people still seem to think it is unnatural when they are in public together.
I think the fact that lesbians are more readily accepted than gay men speaks to the expectations in this country that every man be the man’s man, that he is able to fix cars, throw a punch, and never cry. As a boy I feel comfortable saying that boys, regardless of demeanor, are all raised with the expectation of toughness. Consider that, of all youth sports, football (the most violent of sports) is the only one without a female counterpart. It is a sport reserved for men, perhaps because it requires the toughness we believe men should encompass. This is all well and good but, why can’t someone be tough and gay?
Part and parcel with the no-cry, no-emotion mentality forced upon boys at a young age is an expectation that you like women. We are expected to think unilaterally from birth and to desire and lust after women. The toughness taught to young boys extends beyond emotions and into a way of thinking. The way women are objectified on TV and in magazines makes it so that young boys are force fed from an early age that they should like women and that anything subversive is wrong (remember the outrage when the teletubby told young viewers everywhere that it was “ok to be gay? This shook the very foundation of early conditioning of boys to like girls). I remember hearing stories from my parents that, long before I would have any sexual feelings, I’d gawk at Victoria’s Secret catalogs; how is it that a 5 year old boy could already have chosen a sexual preference? For some reason to be gay and tough are to be mutually exclusive. To be gay is seen as the opposite of what it is to be a man. While I’m not gay, I think that for anyone to come out to their father would have to be the most traumatizing experiences of one’s life.
The stigma attached to male homosexuality aside, I believe there is generally more acceptance of lesbians. While we, as a society, certainly prefer our women to be feminine, there is also a degree of respect that a manlier woman has that a feminine man does not (even using the terms “manlier” and “feminine” implies that those words actually stand for an attitude or pattern of behavior). Furthermore, to be lesbian and be girly is not necessarily seen as a contradiction the way we generally se being manly and being gay. People would be far more accepting of a lesbian supermodel than a gay boxer. Perhaps the whole issue comes down to the fact that men fear difference more than women; they see gay men as a challenge to their own sexuality.
Lesbians are more accepted by society because society is still somewhat dominated by men. And, of course, men are more open to lesbian interactions than gays. This effect seems to translate from men to women. Women are always more open to trying lesbian things, even while they are straight, because they know it is appreciated by men. This effect, as far as I know, does not work in reverse. Women are not as turned on by gay men sexual interaction so it is not encouraged by men or women. That is why lesbians are more accepted by society in modern times.
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Despite this claim, I do not want it to sound like I am saying male homosexuality is an “unnatural” occurrence. What I am saying is that the biological norms may have contributed to the social norms that prevent gay relationships from being accepted the way lesbian relationships are. The gay rights movement is really an attempt to erase stigma and one of the main obstacles is the paradox of accepting lesbian relationships and not gay relationships. With the furthering of the goals of the LGBT movement, this stigma will eventually dissolve.
I don't really believe that lesbians are looked at as any more natural than gay men. Sure, a girl kissing another girl is looked at as normal (especially in this non-real world, college society that we live in), but that's just typical party stuff here. Most of the girls who take part in the "girl on girl action" are actually straight (or bi, but according to Sam, we all are). They are referred to as "barsexuals" because they only happen to be bi when they've been drinking a bit. I'll be the first to admit that I've made out with my friends at parties and such; and I'm straight. And that is the part of "lesbian" that I think is accepted. The type that doesn't actually mean lesbian. I didn't feel anything making out with my girl friends, it wasn't done for any other reason than we wanted to see what the guys would do.
I don't think that actual lesbians are viewed as any more natural than gay men. In fact, especially in the liberal society here, I think that the gay men are more accepted. Gay men are generally accepted in the female community. Most girls have their "gays" and they assimilate quite nicely. It's something that we are more and more exposed to, and therefore we're becoming more and more comfortable with. But lesbian women are generally not generally easily accepted into the female community (most women are terrified of being hit on by someone of the same sex) and the men aren't sure what to do with them either. So in that aspect, they aren't accepted by anyone really.
As for why men are so attracted to two girls, I'll never know. It's something that myself as a woman will never understand (evidence that testosterone does make a huge difference). If they really were lesbians, men, they wouldn't ever want you. You're not their type. So I'm sorry… that threesome that you've been fantasizing about for years will not happen with two girls who happen to be lesbians. That only happens with straight girls who like men.
I agree with this post to the max. I've wondered for years why it is that lesbains are more accepting than gay men? Or even if you have two not attractive lesbains everyones turned off, but if its two hott girls with nice bodies, our society loves it. The thought of two men having sexual relations with each other makes it uncomfortable and awkward, but two girls our soceitys jumping on that real quick. Is this because for many girl on girl is a turn on? Or is it because our society is more accepted to two girls rather than two boys. Reading above some people have stated its because the woman body is a work of art, which is understable, but does that make it acceptable. I feel that if people are fascinated by two women than they should be fascinated with two men. The thought of two woman involved in sexual acts is just disgusting to me, I do agree the woman body is naturally beautiful but two women involved in sexual acts together is the same as two men involved in sexual actions. I don't know but for some reason this topic really bothers me.
I actually really liked this question. Because i think the same thing. Why is female homosexuality excepted while male homosexuality is not? I am really not sure. I think lesbian woman couples are more excepting than gay man couples because woman and mainly men seem to be more comfortable talking about and seeing lesbians than gays. Maybe because females are more nurturing and are not as match o and are not expected to be so there fore they can be gay together. Males are "suppose" to have intercourse with a woman for procreation but the same goes for women with men. In my opinion when I see lesbian couples it does not bother me because I think it is great that two people have found someone that they are comfortable with and want to be with, even though it is two people of the same sex. But when i see two males together homosexually on the street or in a commercial or film i kind of have to do a double take. not that I am against it because i am totally not, i have plenty of friends who are gay and have partners. It is just something that seems strange to see. Also, women seem to be more comfortable and accepting about sexuality. I think women tend to be more accepting of an individuals choice to have a same sex relationship. When it comes to men and lesbians, I think many men think it is cool too see lesbian couples and become turned on by it. When men see gay couples, generally, they get very uncomfortable with it because it is not very “manly”. My guy friends have even said, they are okay with gay couples, but they still get uncomfortable around it and the only problem they would have is if a gay male tried hitting on them, but after talking to some gay males some have said that they can tell when a guy is gay or not so straight man are more than likely not going to get hit on by a gay male.
I just thought about this.. most homophobic men freak out when they see men hold hands, kiss, show affection to another man. But when they see two girls kissing, holding hands, making out, having sex in a pornographic film they get aroused. Almost every mans' dream is to have a three some with two girls- even the most homophobic men in the world think that way. These men think there would be nothing more manly than to have two girls in bed with them. But two girls making out or two girls having sex is homosexual!! It kind of boggles my mind. I guess it is the heterosexual mindset but i think its bull shit.
I actually don't think lesbians are more accepted than gay men. In my opinion, the acceptance for lesbians and gays is probably about the same. I think the difference here is that it's more accepted for two women to hook up then for two men to hook up…I mean, we're in college so I'm sure we've all two girls make out at a party and everyone goes crazy and loves it, and I definitely don't think two men hooking up at a party would get the same reception at all, because as a culture it's not something we consider "hot". But I'd definitely say that 99.9% of the time, the women who hook up at bars, parties, etc. aren't actually lesbians they're just drunk and trying to get attention and make a scene. But when you're talking about real lesbian and gay couples, I've never met anyone who was okay with the lesbians and not okay with the gay men.
I think that lesbians are more accepted by men, than gays. I think that because of this, our culture has made lesbian tendencies, such as 2 girls making out, acceptable, and that women do this without actually being lesbians. I would not say that lesbians are really that much more accepted as a whole, they idea of them are accepted by men, who become turned on by two girls together, but when it comes down to it actual lesbian couples are not usually as accepted as lesbian actions by straight women. gay men also seem to be more accepted by women. So why is it that gay men and accepted more by women, and lesbian women more accepted by men? Is it that men feel threatened by gay men because they are afraid they will hit on them and challenge their maleness? and same for women? I am not really sure why it works out this way, but I am not sure that lesbians are as accepted as everyone assumes.
Let me just start off by saying this is an excellent question, and one that I always pondered. I think after talking to men and women I have come to a collective conclusion as to why lesbians may be more accepted than gay men.
Think back to class when Sam asked how many of us students watch pornography. How many hands were raised? How many of those hands were guys? How many of those hands were girls? I think it is safe to say that more men watch pornography than women. Having said that, it's also more common for a man to watch a porno of two women (whether they are lesbian or not) than it is for a woman to watch a porno of two men.
Another thing to consider is how the media portrays lesbians vs gay men. I always get the vibe that women are more comfortable with their sexuality than men so they aren't afraid to "go out of their box" and experiment. Men are more straight forward…kind of awkward in a way. Think about it, how many times have you heard drunk guys yelling at two girls to make out at a bar or a party? All the time. How many times have you heard drunk girls yelling at two guys to make out at a bar? Never.
Maybe lesbians are considered more acceptable than gay men because the majority of men, whether they are gay or straight, watch lesbian pornography to arouse themselves. Let's be real, they don't sit and watch guy on guy action to get themselves going. Maybe most women don't watch porn so they aren't even voicing their opinion. You need to also keep in mind that most heterosexual men think of beautiful, model-type women making love as lesbians, they don't tend to picture the "butch" lesbians because they aren't what's seen in pornos.
I'm not forgetting the fact that most heterosexual women have no problem with gay men outside of pornography. For instance, how many straight women in this world have a guy friend that is gay? Lots. Women enjoy the company of gay men because they share common interests like shopping and men.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a homosexual won't admit they are gay or "come out of the closet" if you will. I have a friend, well sort of friend, that I met freshman year and the first thing I thought after I met him was wow, that kid is flaming gay without a doubt. He speaks very femininely (valley girl), he has more shoes than any girl I know, he constantly criticizes girls looks and tells them to their faces if he doesn't like the outfit they are wearing, he spanks girls in public and gets away with it, and apparently he had "a girlfriend" back in the day. Never have I heard him talk about a girl that he really liked. He also loves to tell me and my girlfriends that the guy we like is not good looking and that we could do better. How in the world could someone like this not be gay???
We need to realize that heterosexual males would rather see two women together than two males, and straight women would rather see two men together than two women because they represent their own gender and that weirds them out. I don't think lesbians are more acceptable than gay men at all. Lesbians are more accepted in the eyes of men.
Let me just start off by saying this is an excellent question, and one that I always pondered. I think after talking to men and women I have come to a collective conclusion as to why lesbians may be more accepted than gay men.
Think back to class when Sam asked how many of us students watch pornography. How many hands were raised? How many of those hands were guys? How many of those hands were girls? I think it is safe to say that more men watch pornography than women. Having said that, it's also more common for a man to watch a porno of two women (whether they are lesbian or not) than it is for a woman to watch a porno of two men.
Another thing to consider is how the media portrays lesbians vs gay men. I always get the vibe that women are more comfortable with their sexuality than men so they aren't afraid to "go out of their box" and experiment. Men are more straight forward…kind of awkward in a way. Think about it, how many times have you heard drunk guys yelling at two girls to make out at a bar or a party? All the time. How many times have you heard drunk girls yelling at two guys to make out at a bar? Never.
Maybe lesbians are considered more acceptable than gay men because the majority of men, whether they are gay or straight, watch lesbian pornography to arouse themselves. Let's be real, they don't sit and watch guy on guy action to get themselves going. Maybe most women don't watch porn so they aren't even voicing their opinion. You need to also keep in mind that most heterosexual men think of beautiful, model-type women making love as lesbians, they don't tend to picture the "butch" lesbians because they aren't what's seen in pornos.
I'm not forgetting the fact that most heterosexual women have no problem with gay men outside of pornography. For instance, how many straight women in this world have a guy friend that is gay? Lots. Women enjoy the company of gay men because they share common interests like shopping and men.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a homosexual won't admit they are gay or "come out of the closet" if you will. I have a friend, well sort of friend, that I met freshman year and the first thing I thought after I met him was wow, that kid is flaming gay without a doubt. He speaks very femininely (valley girl), he has more shoes than any girl I know, he constantly criticizes girls looks and tells them to their faces if he doesn't like the outfit they are wearing, he spanks girls in public and gets away with it, and apparently he had "a girlfriend" back in the day. Never have I heard him talk about a girl that he really liked. He also loves to tell me and my girlfriends that the guy we like is not good looking and that we could do better. How in the world could someone like this not be gay???
We need to realize that heterosexual males would rather see two women together than two males, and straight women would rather see two men together than two women because they represent their own gender and that weirds them out. I don't think lesbians are more acceptable than gay men at all. Lesbians are more accepted in the eyes of men.
I believe there is a double standard when it comes to guys and girls being homosexual. We talked about it in my discousion group and it really is true. The way that guys are viewed when intimate with another man is different from the way a girl is viewed when having a relationship with another girl. Being socially acceptable with society, i feel as if male relationships are more accepted then female. That what happens behind closed doors without people seeing is more commonly accepted with males. However when public displays of affection are being viewed, i feel as if girl on girl action is more commonly accepted. If two girls hook up at a party, it would be considered hot, there doing it for attention and doing it to turn on guys. At the same time, if two boys are seen hooking up at a party, it can be viewed as disgusting and innapropriate. I don't think it's right that there is a double standard depending on the sex of the same sex relationship, however there is one and the way that society has brought us up to view same sex relationships, I know that seeing two guys kiss would make me feel weird. Even on television shows, you don't commonly see guys kissing. If there is same sex kissing, its usually portrayed as females kissing each other. Just because thats what people are more comfortable seeing. Even when we discuss them, people to tend to talk about them differently. For example, girls can be called homosexual, gay, or lesbians. There called many different things because people are ok with that. When it comes to men, they can be called homosexual and gay, however there are many negative contations that go along with being a gay man as well. There referred to as fudge packers, fruits, and many other negative names, just going off the point that its more commonly acceptable for women to have an intimate relationship with another women, then for a man to have one with another man. Personally, I've never had feelings for another girl, but in society, I don't know how secure I'd be parading the fact that I did have feelings for someone of the same sex. I feel that to first admit it to yourself and then to admit it to others is a big deal and takes a lot of courage because of the implications, society and religion play on viewing same sex couples. Therefore, if you are a guy whose in love with another man or a girl whose in love with another girl, I say be proud and embrace it. Society as a whole is evolving everyday and becoming more accepting and therefore people should embrace who they really are, regardless of there sexual preferences.
This topic, is one that I have always wondered about just as well. It is very funny to me that people except lesbian woman and will not accept gay men. However, this is a topic that I am included in myself also. I am a lot more accepting almost completely accepting of lesbian woman. I have even caught myself thinking that it is not so bad if two women hook up. Thinking that it is almost natural, though when looking at two guys even though I have many gay friends, do not accept their relationships. When I view two men kissing I tend to look at it as “disgusting” if you will, and very unnatural and degrading. I do not understand what the justifying difference between the two is besides men are supposed to be masculine. Men were supposed to be put here to be manly figures that take care of women. Though I know that this is so 18th century this deep down inside is how I view them, just as I know many others do also. However, to see two men tonguing down each other gives me a sense of cringing. For instance, I have a male friend who is gay. He is very close to me and we talk about everything. I am very accepting of his preference and will even talk to him about his relationships, but when we start to talk about sexual relationships and he goes into what he does it disgusts me. I don’t want to feel that way I just do. On the other hand with women I guess the excuse is uncertainty and confusion, and also the fact that women cannot “actually” have intercourse. Sure they can with fake objects but not with each other’s God given body parts. So I think that is what makes it a little more acceptable. It’s almost as to say it is not completely wrong. Where as though men can and that does not sit right with me. Another point is lesbians are looked at as sexual due to the fact that we are soft and sensual. Even to the biggest hick or redneck lesbians are much more accepted and looked at as a fun and sexual pleasure. I guess it caters to the thought of a man being able to have sexual power over two women without cheating. As we know men like to have many sexual partners so maybe the thought of lesbian acts gives him that sense of accomplishment of having two women at once without having any consequences. Where as though women do not have those thoughts and definitely do not need to have more than one man in bed. In conclusion I really do not have an answer, but maybe this is a start.
I think this is really good point that you brought up about how lesbians are more accepted than gays. I am not sure if I know why that is exactly, but I think it has a lot to do with the gender roles we have in our society. It is similar to the stereotype that if a girl sleeps around with a bunch of guys, she is a whore; but, if a guy does it, he is "the man." With that train of thought, the same can be said about two lesbians together as opposed to two gay guys together. Since guys find two girls kissing attractive and hot, it is considered OK. But, when two guys kissing, or even holding hands for that matter, it is looked down upon. Guys find two guys together emasculating. From there, society has conformed to the norm that guys kissing must be wrong, while creating the double standard that girls kissing is appropriate and acceptable.
This double standard is completely unacceptable. It is unfair that women that love each other are more accepted than two men that love each other. Men should be treated the same as women, and vice versa. I find it ironic that this is one of the few situations where women have a privilege that men do not have. For example, women in many different areas of employment get paid less. On average, for ever 1 dollar that men are paid, women get 80 cents. How could we possibly, as a society, let these issues go unattended? In addition, women's bodies are much more exploited in the media compared to men. For instance, in movies, I have noticed that there are a lot more naked women than there are naked men. And, if there are naked men, their "twigs and berries" are rarely shown. And, if they are shown, then it is in a comical sense, not a sensual one, save for porn, which is a different topic for another day. This is why lesbians are more accepted than gay men.
First, I have to agree with her that it seems that the lesbians are definitely more accepted than gay men within society, especially the more feminine lesbians. To think that there is only one reason as to why this is would be foolish, mainly because, although men might have a very similar mind set towards certain things, at the same time, they all think and act differently towards certain situations they might be put into. To begin with, there is clearly already a very obvious double standard between the actions of women, and the actions of men. Of course I’m talking about the way men can sleep with numerous people and not be considered a whore, but a woman could do the same, and will be ridiculed and treated as a slut. With this question that she posed however, I am still somewhat confused as to why this is. The first reason I would think this double standard is so, I believe, would have to be a man’s natural attraction to women to begin with. I guess the more women the better? Unfortunately, this subject is hard for me because I personally do not see why society likes lesbians more than gays. I may be a tad bit biased because I just so happen to be a gay man myself. I guess one reason it may be more widely accepted in society has to deal with girls doing very “lesbian” things in public on a normal basis. I cannot count the number of times I have seen two girls kiss for no reason at parties. However, the chances of seeing two men kiss at a party for no reason are very slim, to none. Other than that reason, I cannot think of any other reason as to why lesbians get a pass and gays get the boot.
I agree that gays and lesbians are treated differently in society, but I believe this is wrong. After all, they are pretty much the same. Two girls who are together, or two guys who are together. Not much of a difference there. So why is it that so many people treat them differently. Also, I think it is screwed up when heterosexual males think it is ok for women to be homosexual, but not for other males to be homosexual. I think that male heterosexuals are the most outspoken about this issue. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being gay or lesbian, and that it should be accepted by everyone.
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When it comes to the question of acceptance in society I think women are accepted more because men are seen as masculine and supposed to engage in traditional marriage whereas women are not always seen in these ways. Many people are opposed to women homosexual relationships just as much as they are opposed to men relationships. Also two women having a sexual relationship is seen as a sexual thing and many men wouldn't mind seeing women making out or having sex , whereas most people would be disturbed to see two men engaging in these behaviors. Also I think that it is built into peoples thinking because even though two women having sex is considered gay, in porn movies it is categorized as straight.
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I feel lesbians are more accepted since women are people that a lot of us have for respect for. I have been taught to respect women far and above any man. It does not mean that I praise the ground women walk on I am just easily more cordial and respectful. They have to go through way more than men do. They have to go through childbirth and I feel that is enough to show them all the respect we can. It seems that lesbians are part of a double standard. Anyone can see the point about Lesbian pornography and the hypocrisy that goes along with it. I feel that this is a problem since there is a strong sentiment against gay men.
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I think the reason that lesbians are generally more accepted than gay men is simply because that is the way it is passively taught to kids at a young age. Young girls are taught that it is socially acceptable to show love and emotion for one another through things like hugs. Young boys are naturally competitive and try to show that they are stronger than each other. As boys and girls get older, these actions become even more pronounced. Straight women can hold hands walking down the street, and people may think they are lesbians, but they are still socially acceptable. Two men holding hands down the street, straight or not, is significantly rarer and people do not find that to be okay. From the time we are all little kids, we are taught that men to not hold hands and do not show affection for each other, even in a friendly way. So this notion stays with us as we grow older.
We must also account for the assumptions that most people make about two people holding hands. If we see two men holding hands on the street, without a second consideration, we determine that these men are gay. Women on the other hand do not deal with this judgment. Gay women can appear to be hidden in plain sight if they so choose. Because of the possibility that the two women are straight, strangers will never know the rule truth without other signs or conversation.
Please keep in mind that these are generalizations for the average person. Not every girl acts in that way, and not all boys act in that way. Some children realize that they are gay early on, after talking to somebody older. Some girls are tomboys and some boys are very effeminate. I am just explaining my thoughts on the average person and how they are taught to act at a young age. I have not even touched on the fact that many guys think two lesbians together are real hot, thus being more acceptable.
Now I will admit that growing up I acted the same as I stated above and I made assumptions about gay men and women. However, after I actually had gay friends in high school and college, I now try to think about everyone being on even ground so to speak. I try to think of people as a person on the street, not a gay person on the street. I am not saying that I don’t still wonder if people are gay or straight, but I accept the fact that I will never know unless I talk to them or they show an obvious sign to the public.
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Society is basically ruled by men, it has been that way throughout most of history. Whatever men want, they usually get. The male gender is very sexually charged, simply put. If one turns on the television almost every other advertisement is selling sex to men. Men commonly and openly express their heterosexual fantasies and conquests. Combine this fact with the fact that women are generally more affectionate and tender towards each other and everyone around them; it helps explain why lesbian women are more accepted then gay men. Straight women constantly kiss each other hello and goodbye, go to the bathroom together, and change clothes in front of each other. If heterosexual men were to do these things they would be looked at as gay because it is out of our socialized characteristics while women receive no stigma for these actions. An example in the gay world can be shown by the fact that if two women are seen kissing on the street, the men walking passed will oh and ah. On the other hand, if two men were seen kissing they would be shunned. Boys are usually ridiculed for being weak and effeminate and girls are made fun of for being too masculine. Many times it’s hard to tell if a woman is a lesbian but it seems to be slightly easier to pick out the gay men. Children are socialized to believe that boys should grow up to football stars and “manly men” while girls are expected to play the role of cheerleader and housewife. When something deviates from our expectations, it is usually shoved aside. Lesbian women can still be sexy cheerleaders and housewives while it is more difficult for men to be seen as manly and strong when they are considered more effeminate, even if in reality they may not be. Typically, “butch” women are mocked and tormented by men, obvious evidence that they are not accepted. Our culture is dominated by male ideologies, preferences, and fantasies. A common and ultimate fantasy of many men is to have a sexual encounter with multiple women while women usually do not fantasize about multiple partners. Men do not seem to realize that every lesbian isn’t a smoking hot blonde with a huge rack. With all of this being said, I don’t think everyone accepts lesbians more than gay men, I just think men do. I feel most men do so because they would love to witness two girls make out and that’s about it. If two “butch” women were seen kissing many men would have the same reaction they would if it were two men. They’re opinions dominate society and it is usually passed off as everyone else’s.
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It is very odd that lesbians seem to be accepted more than gay men. There are many possible reasons for this, but to pin point the exact reason would be extremely difficult. I think the primary reason for lesbians being accepted more than gay men is that in general people are nicer to females than they are to males. This would make it seem that people were more accepting of lesbians because they simply do not talk about it as much. It seems that women especially would be less likely to call out other women for their sexual preferences. Men on the other hand constantly force each other to talk about sex and women, and are often encouraged to make jokes at the expense of others. “Guys” routinely use the phrase, “That’s so gay,” to describe things they do not like. This could be a part of the answer to your question. People are subject to hearing the phrase, “That’s so gay” on a daily basis being associated with negative things. While I doubt anyone realizes at the time, I’m sure that to at least a very small degree, this makes people associate gay with negative things.
Although many people in society may look differently at gay men and women, when it comes to marriage and laws pertaining to adoption, most people feel the same. I understand that some people hold that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman, but I do not see any reason that two friends or partners should not be able to get the same benefits as a married couple. If two people see it in their best financial interest to live together and make the decision to spend a significant portion of their lives together, why not give them benefits similar to that of two married people.
I think that for the most part people being more accepting of lesbians is mostly an illusion. Even the word lesbian is not used as often as the word gay, and therefore it seems that gay men are the target of more criticism than lesbian women. In addition, men are often attracted to two lesbian women, so men rarely say anything bad about two women together. On the contrary, straight men are brutal to gay men, sometimes to their face without even realizing it. I, and I’m sure many others, have gay friends who they didn’t know were gay for some time. Although he threw the term gay around just like others, I hope I never said anything that offended him. I’m sure there were plenty of times he was uncomfortable about the topics of conversation. He probably had a harder time being a gay man than a lesbian girl may have had because of the vulgar conversations he was often apart of.
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I think it’s a little narrow-minded to believe that lesbians are in fact more accepted in society than gay men. Comparing apples to apples, lesbians and gays are both involved in same sex relationships, and the benefits of different sex marriage are not transferred over in all cases; it differs from state to state as well within the US. I think this question is in fact referring to tension when it comes to exposure to two gay men vs. two lesbians. I find that women are more likely to participate in gay activity without being gay and are more accepting of the gay concept for both male relationships and female relationships. On the other hand, I also find that males are less likely to “experiment” and so they consider gay relationships disgusting, and sometimes appear homophobic. I think it’s all a matter of one’s personal exposure and mentality.
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Personally I have never understood why lesbians or more accepting than gay men. I myself believe in gay rights. I have a few friends at home who are gay and bi and here at school and I believe that gay men, lesbian women, bi-sexual people, have the right to love whomever they feel like loving or love. I feel like if you love someone and they love you why can’t you be with them. I talk to them and I really always try to understand where they are coming from. I am not bi or bi-curious or lesbian I but I have always wanted to understand why people can be attracted to the same sex. That was something that always seemed to puzzle me a bit. I just really couldn’t fully understand why people liked the same sex and then I realized that it is not meant for me to understand. And all I need to know is that if you love someone you love them, no matter what. But back to the topic of discussion, me having a few friends who engage in same sex partnerships and relationships, I have always realized that the gay men were more quiet about being gay and they women who were into girls were more open about being with girls or women. In my high school we had a lot of people who were into same sex couples and especially a lot of lesbians. There were a few guys that were openly gay but for the most part there were several girls that were open about being lesbians. Having gay and lesbian people go to my school I have never been the homophobic type however, I would crinch at the site of seeing a girl kissing another girl, but at my school that was fully acceptable. A girl could kiss another girl in the hallway and there was nothing wrong with it however, if one of the gay guys my school would kiss there boyfriend or something it was HUGE deal and everyone thought they were gross. Me personally I don’t want to see anyone kiss, whether the gay, straight or bi, public display of affection just isn’t something I want to see. But if it was too girls, the guys would cheer it on and the girls would look at it like it was nothing, however it was two guys kissing the straight guys would make fun of them and act weird and the girls would be grossed out. I think that is more acceptable for a woman to be lesbians because women are more delicate and affectionate. Even straight women hug their girl friends and kiss them on the check, but guys will rarely hug another guy let alone kiss them. I think it is more or less like women are looked at to be less dominate so it is okay for two girls to hook up but guys who are macho and manly they shouldn’t love another man. I think it is all weird to tell you the truth, I don’t think there is a difference, either you like the opposite sex or you don’t and in the event that you don’t like the opposite sex if you like the same sex or both sexes whether you are a male or female it should both be looked at the same, because you are liking something that is similar to your body.
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Why are lesbians more accepted than gay men? This is a question than seems to be brought every now and then with this topic. It is really a pretty simple answer. It is the same reason why a girl can hold another girls hand or even say "I love you" without any even noticing. The answer is that it is our culture. It is as simple as that.
Then again, this question needs some breaking down. What do we mean by lesbians? Is every girl that kisses another girl a lesbian? The answer is no and this is why this question is somewhat skewed to some degree. This is because I am not sure that lesbians are necessarily any more accepted by gay men, but straight girl that happen to kiss are more accepted which should not be considered in htis question because they are all and all straight.
Men have a tendency to like it when girls kiss, etc. For example, the porn industry has taken advantage of this and has filmed scenes with girls on girls; however, even though these may be considered "lesbian scenes", they are not necessarily lesbians. They are just straight girls kissing. These are the types of things that people might see as lesbians that are being accepted. I really do not believe that true lesbians are any more accepted the average gay man. Overall, homosexuals are equally not accepted in our society. If you see a real lesbian couple walking down the street holding hands that are not just two hot girls making out, they are just as much judged and looked down upon by certain people as any gay male couple.
It is really just a guy thing why guys like seeing girls kissing, but why would the guys wish the girls that are kissing to actually be lesbian? Does that make any sense, if these guys are attracted to these women? If two real lesbians are kissing, how is this accepted? I still think some people still look at lesbians as if it is wrong and unnatural and only a man and women should be together.
So, in conclusion, first, our culture and history is why some things are accepted and some things are not. Second, it is not that lesbians are more accepted, per se. It more that girls are more open about their feelings and sexuality and straight women to have any problem kissing other women in most cases. These are not homosexual women however. Real homosexual woman are not treated or accepted any more than gay men. They may still be looked down upon and people still seem to think it is unnatural when they are in public together.
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I think the fact that lesbians are more readily accepted than gay men speaks to the expectations in this country that every man be the man’s man, that he is able to fix cars, throw a punch, and never cry. As a boy I feel comfortable saying that boys, regardless of demeanor, are all raised with the expectation of toughness. Consider that, of all youth sports, football (the most violent of sports) is the only one without a female counterpart. It is a sport reserved for men, perhaps because it requires the toughness we believe men should encompass. This is all well and good but, why can’t someone be tough and gay?
Part and parcel with the no-cry, no-emotion mentality forced upon boys at a young age is an expectation that you like women. We are expected to think unilaterally from birth and to desire and lust after women. The toughness taught to young boys extends beyond emotions and into a way of thinking. The way women are objectified on TV and in magazines makes it so that young boys are force fed from an early age that they should like women and that anything subversive is wrong (remember the outrage when the teletubby told young viewers everywhere that it was “ok to be gay? This shook the very foundation of early conditioning of boys to like girls). I remember hearing stories from my parents that, long before I would have any sexual feelings, I’d gawk at Victoria’s Secret catalogs; how is it that a 5 year old boy could already have chosen a sexual preference? For some reason to be gay and tough are to be mutually exclusive. To be gay is seen as the opposite of what it is to be a man. While I’m not gay, I think that for anyone to come out to their father would have to be the most traumatizing experiences of one’s life.
The stigma attached to male homosexuality aside, I believe there is generally more acceptance of lesbians. While we, as a society, certainly prefer our women to be feminine, there is also a degree of respect that a manlier woman has that a feminine man does not (even using the terms “manlier” and “feminine” implies that those words actually stand for an attitude or pattern of behavior). Furthermore, to be lesbian and be girly is not necessarily seen as a contradiction the way we generally se being manly and being gay. People would be far more accepting of a lesbian supermodel than a gay boxer. Perhaps the whole issue comes down to the fact that men fear difference more than women; they see gay men as a challenge to their own sexuality.
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Lesbians are more accepted by society because society is still somewhat dominated by men. And, of course, men are more open to lesbian interactions than gays. This effect seems to translate from men to women. Women are always more open to trying lesbian things, even while they are straight, because they know it is appreciated by men. This effect, as far as I know, does not work in reverse. Women are not as turned on by gay men sexual interaction so it is not encouraged by men or women. That is why lesbians are more accepted by society in modern times.
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Despite this claim, I do not want it to sound like I am saying male homosexuality is an “unnatural” occurrence. What I am saying is that the biological norms may have contributed to the social norms that prevent gay relationships from being accepted the way lesbian relationships are. The gay rights movement is really an attempt to erase stigma and one of the main obstacles is the paradox of accepting lesbian relationships and not gay relationships. With the furthering of the goals of the LGBT movement, this stigma will eventually dissolve.
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I don't really believe that lesbians are looked at as any more natural than gay men. Sure, a girl kissing another girl is looked at as normal (especially in this non-real world, college society that we live in), but that's just typical party stuff here. Most of the girls who take part in the "girl on girl action" are actually straight (or bi, but according to Sam, we all are). They are referred to as "barsexuals" because they only happen to be bi when they've been drinking a bit. I'll be the first to admit that I've made out with my friends at parties and such; and I'm straight. And that is the part of "lesbian" that I think is accepted. The type that doesn't actually mean lesbian. I didn't feel anything making out with my girl friends, it wasn't done for any other reason than we wanted to see what the guys would do.
I don't think that actual lesbians are viewed as any more natural than gay men. In fact, especially in the liberal society here, I think that the gay men are more accepted. Gay men are generally accepted in the female community. Most girls have their "gays" and they assimilate quite nicely. It's something that we are more and more exposed to, and therefore we're becoming more and more comfortable with. But lesbian women are generally not generally easily accepted into the female community (most women are terrified of being hit on by someone of the same sex) and the men aren't sure what to do with them either. So in that aspect, they aren't accepted by anyone really.
As for why men are so attracted to two girls, I'll never know. It's something that myself as a woman will never understand (evidence that testosterone does make a huge difference). If they really were lesbians, men, they wouldn't ever want you. You're not their type. So I'm sorry… that threesome that you've been fantasizing about for years will not happen with two girls who happen to be lesbians. That only happens with straight girls who like men.
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I agree with this post to the max. I've wondered for years why it is that lesbains are more accepting than gay men? Or even if you have two not attractive lesbains everyones turned off, but if its two hott girls with nice bodies, our society loves it. The thought of two men having sexual relations with each other makes it uncomfortable and awkward, but two girls our soceitys jumping on that real quick. Is this because for many girl on girl is a turn on? Or is it because our society is more accepted to two girls rather than two boys. Reading above some people have stated its because the woman body is a work of art, which is understable, but does that make it acceptable. I feel that if people are fascinated by two women than they should be fascinated with two men. The thought of two woman involved in sexual acts is just disgusting to me, I do agree the woman body is naturally beautiful but two women involved in sexual acts together is the same as two men involved in sexual actions. I don't know but for some reason this topic really bothers me.
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I actually really liked this question. Because i think the same thing. Why is female homosexuality excepted while male homosexuality is not? I am really not sure. I think lesbian woman couples are more excepting than gay man couples because woman and mainly men seem to be more comfortable talking about and seeing lesbians than gays. Maybe because females are more nurturing and are not as match o and are not expected to be so there fore they can be gay together. Males are "suppose" to have intercourse with a woman for procreation but the same goes for women with men. In my opinion when I see lesbian couples it does not bother me because I think it is great that two people have found someone that they are comfortable with and want to be with, even though it is two people of the same sex. But when i see two males together homosexually on the street or in a commercial or film i kind of have to do a double take. not that I am against it because i am totally not, i have plenty of friends who are gay and have partners. It is just something that seems strange to see. Also, women seem to be more comfortable and accepting about sexuality. I think women tend to be more accepting of an individuals choice to have a same sex relationship. When it comes to men and lesbians, I think many men think it is cool too see lesbian couples and become turned on by it. When men see gay couples, generally, they get very uncomfortable with it because it is not very “manly”. My guy friends have even said, they are okay with gay couples, but they still get uncomfortable around it and the only problem they would have is if a gay male tried hitting on them, but after talking to some gay males some have said that they can tell when a guy is gay or not so straight man are more than likely not going to get hit on by a gay male.
I just thought about this.. most homophobic men freak out when they see men hold hands, kiss, show affection to another man. But when they see two girls kissing, holding hands, making out, having sex in a pornographic film they get aroused. Almost every mans' dream is to have a three some with two girls- even the most homophobic men in the world think that way. These men think there would be nothing more manly than to have two girls in bed with them. But two girls making out or two girls having sex is homosexual!! It kind of boggles my mind. I guess it is the heterosexual mindset but i think its bull shit.
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I actually don't think lesbians are more accepted than gay men. In my opinion, the acceptance for lesbians and gays is probably about the same. I think the difference here is that it's more accepted for two women to hook up then for two men to hook up…I mean, we're in college so I'm sure we've all two girls make out at a party and everyone goes crazy and loves it, and I definitely don't think two men hooking up at a party would get the same reception at all, because as a culture it's not something we consider "hot". But I'd definitely say that 99.9% of the time, the women who hook up at bars, parties, etc. aren't actually lesbians they're just drunk and trying to get attention and make a scene. But when you're talking about real lesbian and gay couples, I've never met anyone who was okay with the lesbians and not okay with the gay men.
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I think that lesbians are more accepted by men, than gays. I think that because of this, our culture has made lesbian tendencies, such as 2 girls making out, acceptable, and that women do this without actually being lesbians. I would not say that lesbians are really that much more accepted as a whole, they idea of them are accepted by men, who become turned on by two girls together, but when it comes down to it actual lesbian couples are not usually as accepted as lesbian actions by straight women. gay men also seem to be more accepted by women. So why is it that gay men and accepted more by women, and lesbian women more accepted by men? Is it that men feel threatened by gay men because they are afraid they will hit on them and challenge their maleness? and same for women? I am not really sure why it works out this way, but I am not sure that lesbians are as accepted as everyone assumes.
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Let me just start off by saying this is an excellent question, and one that I always pondered. I think after talking to men and women I have come to a collective conclusion as to why lesbians may be more accepted than gay men.
Think back to class when Sam asked how many of us students watch pornography. How many hands were raised? How many of those hands were guys? How many of those hands were girls? I think it is safe to say that more men watch pornography than women. Having said that, it's also more common for a man to watch a porno of two women (whether they are lesbian or not) than it is for a woman to watch a porno of two men.
Another thing to consider is how the media portrays lesbians vs gay men. I always get the vibe that women are more comfortable with their sexuality than men so they aren't afraid to "go out of their box" and experiment. Men are more straight forward…kind of awkward in a way. Think about it, how many times have you heard drunk guys yelling at two girls to make out at a bar or a party? All the time. How many times have you heard drunk girls yelling at two guys to make out at a bar? Never.
Maybe lesbians are considered more acceptable than gay men because the majority of men, whether they are gay or straight, watch lesbian pornography to arouse themselves. Let's be real, they don't sit and watch guy on guy action to get themselves going. Maybe most women don't watch porn so they aren't even voicing their opinion. You need to also keep in mind that most heterosexual men think of beautiful, model-type women making love as lesbians, they don't tend to picture the "butch" lesbians because they aren't what's seen in pornos.
I'm not forgetting the fact that most heterosexual women have no problem with gay men outside of pornography. For instance, how many straight women in this world have a guy friend that is gay? Lots. Women enjoy the company of gay men because they share common interests like shopping and men.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a homosexual won't admit they are gay or "come out of the closet" if you will. I have a friend, well sort of friend, that I met freshman year and the first thing I thought after I met him was wow, that kid is flaming gay without a doubt. He speaks very femininely (valley girl), he has more shoes than any girl I know, he constantly criticizes girls looks and tells them to their faces if he doesn't like the outfit they are wearing, he spanks girls in public and gets away with it, and apparently he had "a girlfriend" back in the day. Never have I heard him talk about a girl that he really liked. He also loves to tell me and my girlfriends that the guy we like is not good looking and that we could do better. How in the world could someone like this not be gay???
We need to realize that heterosexual males would rather see two women together than two males, and straight women would rather see two men together than two women because they represent their own gender and that weirds them out. I don't think lesbians are more acceptable than gay men at all. Lesbians are more accepted in the eyes of men.
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Let me just start off by saying this is an excellent question, and one that I always pondered. I think after talking to men and women I have come to a collective conclusion as to why lesbians may be more accepted than gay men.
Think back to class when Sam asked how many of us students watch pornography. How many hands were raised? How many of those hands were guys? How many of those hands were girls? I think it is safe to say that more men watch pornography than women. Having said that, it's also more common for a man to watch a porno of two women (whether they are lesbian or not) than it is for a woman to watch a porno of two men.
Another thing to consider is how the media portrays lesbians vs gay men. I always get the vibe that women are more comfortable with their sexuality than men so they aren't afraid to "go out of their box" and experiment. Men are more straight forward…kind of awkward in a way. Think about it, how many times have you heard drunk guys yelling at two girls to make out at a bar or a party? All the time. How many times have you heard drunk girls yelling at two guys to make out at a bar? Never.
Maybe lesbians are considered more acceptable than gay men because the majority of men, whether they are gay or straight, watch lesbian pornography to arouse themselves. Let's be real, they don't sit and watch guy on guy action to get themselves going. Maybe most women don't watch porn so they aren't even voicing their opinion. You need to also keep in mind that most heterosexual men think of beautiful, model-type women making love as lesbians, they don't tend to picture the "butch" lesbians because they aren't what's seen in pornos.
I'm not forgetting the fact that most heterosexual women have no problem with gay men outside of pornography. For instance, how many straight women in this world have a guy friend that is gay? Lots. Women enjoy the company of gay men because they share common interests like shopping and men.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a homosexual won't admit they are gay or "come out of the closet" if you will. I have a friend, well sort of friend, that I met freshman year and the first thing I thought after I met him was wow, that kid is flaming gay without a doubt. He speaks very femininely (valley girl), he has more shoes than any girl I know, he constantly criticizes girls looks and tells them to their faces if he doesn't like the outfit they are wearing, he spanks girls in public and gets away with it, and apparently he had "a girlfriend" back in the day. Never have I heard him talk about a girl that he really liked. He also loves to tell me and my girlfriends that the guy we like is not good looking and that we could do better. How in the world could someone like this not be gay???
We need to realize that heterosexual males would rather see two women together than two males, and straight women would rather see two men together than two women because they represent their own gender and that weirds them out. I don't think lesbians are more acceptable than gay men at all. Lesbians are more accepted in the eyes of men.
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I believe there is a double standard when it comes to guys and girls being homosexual. We talked about it in my discousion group and it really is true. The way that guys are viewed when intimate with another man is different from the way a girl is viewed when having a relationship with another girl. Being socially acceptable with society, i feel as if male relationships are more accepted then female. That what happens behind closed doors without people seeing is more commonly accepted with males. However when public displays of affection are being viewed, i feel as if girl on girl action is more commonly accepted. If two girls hook up at a party, it would be considered hot, there doing it for attention and doing it to turn on guys. At the same time, if two boys are seen hooking up at a party, it can be viewed as disgusting and innapropriate. I don't think it's right that there is a double standard depending on the sex of the same sex relationship, however there is one and the way that society has brought us up to view same sex relationships, I know that seeing two guys kiss would make me feel weird. Even on television shows, you don't commonly see guys kissing. If there is same sex kissing, its usually portrayed as females kissing each other. Just because thats what people are more comfortable seeing. Even when we discuss them, people to tend to talk about them differently. For example, girls can be called homosexual, gay, or lesbians. There called many different things because people are ok with that. When it comes to men, they can be called homosexual and gay, however there are many negative contations that go along with being a gay man as well. There referred to as fudge packers, fruits, and many other negative names, just going off the point that its more commonly acceptable for women to have an intimate relationship with another women, then for a man to have one with another man. Personally, I've never had feelings for another girl, but in society, I don't know how secure I'd be parading the fact that I did have feelings for someone of the same sex. I feel that to first admit it to yourself and then to admit it to others is a big deal and takes a lot of courage because of the implications, society and religion play on viewing same sex couples. Therefore, if you are a guy whose in love with another man or a girl whose in love with another girl, I say be proud and embrace it. Society as a whole is evolving everyday and becoming more accepting and therefore people should embrace who they really are, regardless of there sexual preferences.
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This topic, is one that I have always wondered about just as well. It is very funny to me that people except lesbian woman and will not accept gay men. However, this is a topic that I am included in myself also. I am a lot more accepting almost completely accepting of lesbian woman. I have even caught myself thinking that it is not so bad if two women hook up. Thinking that it is almost natural, though when looking at two guys even though I have many gay friends, do not accept their relationships. When I view two men kissing I tend to look at it as “disgusting” if you will, and very unnatural and degrading. I do not understand what the justifying difference between the two is besides men are supposed to be masculine. Men were supposed to be put here to be manly figures that take care of women. Though I know that this is so 18th century this deep down inside is how I view them, just as I know many others do also. However, to see two men tonguing down each other gives me a sense of cringing. For instance, I have a male friend who is gay. He is very close to me and we talk about everything. I am very accepting of his preference and will even talk to him about his relationships, but when we start to talk about sexual relationships and he goes into what he does it disgusts me. I don’t want to feel that way I just do. On the other hand with women I guess the excuse is uncertainty and confusion, and also the fact that women cannot “actually” have intercourse. Sure they can with fake objects but not with each other’s God given body parts. So I think that is what makes it a little more acceptable. It’s almost as to say it is not completely wrong. Where as though men can and that does not sit right with me. Another point is lesbians are looked at as sexual due to the fact that we are soft and sensual. Even to the biggest hick or redneck lesbians are much more accepted and looked at as a fun and sexual pleasure. I guess it caters to the thought of a man being able to have sexual power over two women without cheating. As we know men like to have many sexual partners so maybe the thought of lesbian acts gives him that sense of accomplishment of having two women at once without having any consequences. Where as though women do not have those thoughts and definitely do not need to have more than one man in bed. In conclusion I really do not have an answer, but maybe this is a start.
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I think this is really good point that you brought up about how lesbians are more accepted than gays. I am not sure if I know why that is exactly, but I think it has a lot to do with the gender roles we have in our society. It is similar to the stereotype that if a girl sleeps around with a bunch of guys, she is a whore; but, if a guy does it, he is "the man." With that train of thought, the same can be said about two lesbians together as opposed to two gay guys together. Since guys find two girls kissing attractive and hot, it is considered OK. But, when two guys kissing, or even holding hands for that matter, it is looked down upon. Guys find two guys together emasculating. From there, society has conformed to the norm that guys kissing must be wrong, while creating the double standard that girls kissing is appropriate and acceptable.
This double standard is completely unacceptable. It is unfair that women that love each other are more accepted than two men that love each other. Men should be treated the same as women, and vice versa. I find it ironic that this is one of the few situations where women have a privilege that men do not have. For example, women in many different areas of employment get paid less. On average, for ever 1 dollar that men are paid, women get 80 cents. How could we possibly, as a society, let these issues go unattended? In addition, women's bodies are much more exploited in the media compared to men. For instance, in movies, I have noticed that there are a lot more naked women than there are naked men. And, if there are naked men, their "twigs and berries" are rarely shown. And, if they are shown, then it is in a comical sense, not a sensual one, save for porn, which is a different topic for another day. This is why lesbians are more accepted than gay men.
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First, I have to agree with her that it seems that the lesbians are definitely more accepted than gay men within society, especially the more feminine lesbians. To think that there is only one reason as to why this is would be foolish, mainly because, although men might have a very similar mind set towards certain things, at the same time, they all think and act differently towards certain situations they might be put into. To begin with, there is clearly already a very obvious double standard between the actions of women, and the actions of men. Of course I’m talking about the way men can sleep with numerous people and not be considered a whore, but a woman could do the same, and will be ridiculed and treated as a slut. With this question that she posed however, I am still somewhat confused as to why this is. The first reason I would think this double standard is so, I believe, would have to be a man’s natural attraction to women to begin with. I guess the more women the better? Unfortunately, this subject is hard for me because I personally do not see why society likes lesbians more than gays. I may be a tad bit biased because I just so happen to be a gay man myself. I guess one reason it may be more widely accepted in society has to deal with girls doing very “lesbian” things in public on a normal basis. I cannot count the number of times I have seen two girls kiss for no reason at parties. However, the chances of seeing two men kiss at a party for no reason are very slim, to none. Other than that reason, I cannot think of any other reason as to why lesbians get a pass and gays get the boot.
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